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Related article: Date: Mon, 26 Jun 2006 17:08:31 -0700 (PDT) From: Devin Stevenson Subject: A Cursed Life pt 3 - BrokenDisclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of the author. This story contains violence and content of a sexual nature. If you are not of age to do so, or do not wish to read such material please do not read further. Please do not copy, alter or attempt to claim these works as your own. 97. B.C Nn Lolita Bbs The Romans have long since pushed the Etruscans from Italy; their Republic has taken root and swelled quickly. They wasted no time in acquiring an empire. War after war was waged, and in just over two hundred years, having defeated all direct enemies and destroyed their chief rival, the Romans went on to conquer Spain, North Africa, Corsica, and Sardinia, virtually unchecked. Such were the times... It comes to me slowly, at the edge of my mind, just beyond consciousness. Building constantly, it encroaches on my thoughts. It's almost like the uneasy feeling you get when you have forgotten something important and it's starting to come back to you. I'd be hard pressed to truly explain what it's like, the sensation of having a thought not your own swirling around in your head. These foreign thoughts come at random and it often takes me a great deal of effort and time to block them out. These aren't the voices heard by a madman; these are genuine thoughts, the thoughts of the people around me. There are nearly 500 people in this small city of Thesilis, the capital of Rome is over an eight days journey by horse. We've made a home for ourselves about a mile out of town. We own the land legally and pay taxes to Rome. This far from the capital no one really cares much for the oddities of one's neighbors and even if they did they would not be direct about it. It's easy enough to find spare coins on the bodies of those we feed on. And if any other were needed, that to would be no problem. The only complexity is found in the humans that work for us. We must keep the land tended to and the animals fed. These things are best left for the daylight hours. We pay humans to tend to these things for us; they ask no questions and from what I hear, they assume we are nobles who have fallen on bad luck and shy away from socialization out of shame. For the last few months it's been happening, Amon and Xanthia can do nothing for me. Even in my sleep, the voices and the thoughts come to me. Men, women and children, I hear them all. Hopes, dreams, fears and doubts that are not my own, all swirl in my head. From random ideas down to the deepest of analytical thought, I hear them all. Xanthia says that she knows little of such things and that with time and patience I will learn to control my abilities. Amon himself has only met one reader in his lifetime, and like many others of our kind, he kept his distance. Some vampires are truly driven insane by their mind reading ability and become quite deranged. Others, a rare few, develop their abilities enough over time that they can even read the minds of other vampires. Our minds are different from humans, more complex and there is simply so much more to read. All vampires are different in some way, some develop unique abilities and some don't. Xanthia and Amon have spoken little to me about the different abilities found in our world and they themselves have no unique gifts that I'm Nn Lolita Bbs aware of. They can offer me no advice. I spend most of my days trying to concentrate on keeping the voices and thoughts quiet, if not out altogether. For the most part it's one voice, one thought at a time. And sometimes it's several. And when they come to me one after another, sometimes they linger. It's in those times that I can feel it, the realization creeps over me; and I know that if just a few more voices join the mix, that if they get much louder. I'll lose myself in it all. It can be so hard to separate my own thoughts from theirs and other times it's laughable to hear them. To listen in on the random thoughts of people I don't know. Their worries about money and status, about loyalties and family, as well as religion all come drifting into my head. You'd be surprised at how many times a day different people call upon the gods to help them in one way or another. They spend countless hours of their lives in front of alters and shrines communing with gods that will never answer them, never show themselves. Perhaps it's a bit ironic that in years to come, thousands more people will also look to the heavens and most of the cries for help, worship and praise will fall on one God. I entertain the thoughts from time to time that the gods are up there having to listen to the thoughts and prayers of all these people just as I am, only a thousand times worse. I've taken to sitting in my room and trying to visualize a single image. The valley I lived in remains in my mind. The grass, the nearby river, the hills and mountains, I picture them in my head almost as if I were painting them. I start with the mountains that make up the borders of our valley and then the hills and rock formations. Soon I have a complete image and I hold onto that as long as I can. Each time I recreate the image I add more detail, tall grass around the base of trees, caves on the sides of the mountains and the shallow path of rocks that leads across the river. The harder I concentrate the less volume the voices and thoughts seem to have. If I can really lock onto the image and hold it long enough, I manage to block them out all together. It's taken months to really even begin to quiet them; I'm not sure day to day if I can take it any longer. I feel as though I could snap inside at any moment, and I fear, at my worst, I'd kill them all to silence the voices. Things haven't been well between master and me, as of late. He won't say so, but I know that he's disappointed with how I'm handling all of this. He's never one to show his hand or buckle under the pressure. And I know he looks down on me for letting all of this get to me. For that very reason I go out at night and pretend as though I'm ignoring the voices. I walk through town, as thought after thought attack my mind. I travel to the main road and head out of town, just as I Nn Lolita Bbs do on normal nights. We never feed near our home, it keeps things easier. Walking past all those homes and shops is like running the gauntlet and taking blow after blow without being able to yell out. It was this very night when I had my greatest realization and at the same time my mind was broken. Coming to the edge of our small town, the main road was just a ways ahead. Clearing the archway and leaving the torch lights behind me, I began down the path. I sighed heavily, relieved to be leaving the town and all those people behind even if only for a few hours. The road was a long one and if you followed it long enough from town to town you could reach Rome. The road itself was unremarkable. >From town to town there was not much of importance. Though, a mile or so out of town there was a brothel. Men from our town and the next would venture here Nn Lolita Bbs to feed their carnal needs. And it was around here that I usually took to feeding. Not because these were bad men or women for that matter, but because there was something addictive about the blood of someone who's just had sex. All of the hormones, adrenaline, and different chemicals pumping through the blood, it's like a drug. And over the last few years I had become quiet the addict. On this particular night, as I grew nearer to the brothel that familiar feeling at the back of my mind began to return. This was to be expected as I grew closer to people once again, only this time the feeling was not subtle at all. It wasn't building slowly; it was there at the back of my mind and demanding attention. I could see the torches outside in the distance and I took notice of three men stumbling drunkenly from the building and two more were heading in as they left. Tonight was quite a lively night, it was the day of Aphrodite and the nightly celebration would last well after night fall Nn Lolita Bbs in some areas. I moved off the trail a bit to stand in the shadows. I doubt anyone would take much notice of me if I was spotted but I'd rather not be seen just the same. Laughter and music drifted to my ears, even from this distance. I had always been an observer; I can stand and watch things for hours if they take my interest. And my senses placed me within the brothel; with my ears I could hear conversations, laughter, and even the blissful moans and cries of those indulging themselves with the den whores. My nose could pick up the smell of wine and ale, of perfume and sweat. And with those smells my taste buds became active and it's almost as if you can taste the blood behind those walls, like a sampling. Maybe an hour or two later a woman came out. Laughing and swaying as she walked, she was obviously one of the "working women" from the brothel and not one of the few women who ventured in. She was flustered and fanning herself, a light sweat had broken out on her skin and the torch light gave her a slight shine. She leaned against the railing of the building and simply stared into the distance, just getting some fresh air. I began to move a bit closer from my place in the shadows. I was far enough away that neither she, nor anyone else, would have heard my movements but I was purposely silent nonetheless. I was about 30 feet away standing beside a tree. The light from the torches just barely reached the tree and I leaned just beyond that. Had she looked directly at me the woman would have noticed me. Not long after I took my place beside the tree, a man came stumbling out of the brothel. Even from my spot, the smell of alcohol was strong and as the man cleared the porch, he managed to trip over his own feet and fall face first to the ground. He laid there mumbling to himself for some time before collecting himself and cursing at the ground as he moved on, all the while, the lady laughed on as the drunken man began his journey home. I stepped from the shadows calmly and purposely made enough noise to get her attention. She continued to chuckle lightly to herself as she took sight of me. "Some people just can't hold their wine" I stated. "A great many it would seem" she replied, smiling."I can imagine". And she was right, there has yet to be a time when a few patrons didn't come staggering from within. Many of these people, men and women, had become my victims. Though I don't make it a habit to feed off drunken people, for I find my senses dulled for several hours after I do. And even though it's interesting to suddenly not be able to hear everything around me or see so well in the dark, it's no where near as addictive as the hormone laced blood of those who come moreso for the whores."I haven't seen you here before, have I?" she questioned. Her mind was an open book to me, whether I liked Nn Lolita Bbs it or not, and she assumed I was just another shy customer, who wasn't so keen on the idea of a brothel and yet couldn't deny his bodies calling. "No, you wouldn't have seen me""How do you mean?""The celebrations have brought many out tonight I see" I quickly diverted her question."Oh trust me, this time of year they come day and night and with them their brothers and their sons." she laughed. "Come inside?""Not just yet, I'm really not here for that" I smiled to her as I took a spot on the railing next to her. She was thinking of money, more so than being lead by hormones or attraction. All the same she wanted me in her bed. She slid closer to me and placed her hand atop mine on the railing."Then why are you here? Your wife will never find out and even if she did it's no business of hers what a man does. Come inside with me." She spoke softly attempting to seal the deal and make me yet another client."I'm actually hungrier than anything else" I said looking her directly in the eyes. Emerald green eyes that spoke volumes about her. Under different circumstances she would make a great politician, or even a teacher. It was all there in her eyes."We have plenty of food and drink within, at a fair price"I took my eyes off of hers and looked out into the blackness of night. She must have thought I was thinking it over because she leaned over and placed her other hand on my chest. In truth I was scanning the area for any more visitors coming to the brothel. "What I want comes at a high price and I'm afraid you're not likely to offer it in there.""You're cold, you should come in and warm yourself up at least""Walk with me a bit" I said as I stood, her hand was still atop mine so I turned my palm up to take hers in mine. I smiled at her to erase any doubts she may have. And immediately her thoughts came to me. She thought that I intended to force myself on her without paying. Strangely enough, though I can't be sure, I believe she was more concerned about the money."I have money" I said quietly as I walked on with her in tow. I didn't go far at all really, only to the back of the building. I leaned against the building, the loud music from within drowning out the sound of our movements and I could tell she was straining to see me in the darkness. As I leaned against the wall, she placed her hands at my waist and moved against me. Her perfume was strong and it mixed with the smell of wine to make a unique fragrance. Her left hand moved up the small of my back as the right one pulled at my waist cord. In one swift movement, I gently spun her around so she was against the building and I was leaning against her. My mouth immediately went to her neck, not yet biting. She moaned, it was all a show and I knew this, her thoughts only confirmed it. Her hands were roaming over me, as if in the heat of the moment, but in truth searching for my money. We remained like this for some time, my mouth moving from one side of her neck to the next and back again. For the time being, feeling the blood pump beneath her skin was more important than anything else. And it would have remained so, but the sensations at the back of my mind became more persistent. Never before had this happened while I fed. While feeding, a vampire's mind nearly switches off and instinct becomes the master. There is no need to think or rationalize, our bodies know what to do and the hunger pulls at us, and we can't deny seeking out a means of satisfying it. I began to lick at the skin of her neck just above her main artery; it wouldn't be long before her blood was on my tongue. And as I licked, the thoughts pushed their way forward. These thoughts weren't of the woman that stood before me, but of those inside. Men were singing and drinking heavily, having enjoyed their fill of the whores for one night. And some were drinking and joining in the merriment even before they had their whore of choice. The brothel owner behind the bar, scanning the crowd to see which patron is drunk enough to be swindled out of even more money by his women. The thoughts swirled around in my head but they couldn't distract me from my task. Nn Lolita Bbs I pulled from her neck and she held me closer, thinking perhaps that I'd changed my mind. She buried her head in my chest and held me tight. I looked out into the darkness as I felt my fangs drop, piercing through my gums, the slight pain caused by the tearing of flesh when they dropped always seemed to accent the moment. I pushed her back against the wall and began to lick at her neck again feverishly. She no doubt felt my fangs scrap at her neck a few times as I felt her flinch. I pulled back slightly, ready to pierce her flesh and just then yet another string of voices and thoughts came to me. The women in the back counting out the money they'd made so far. The few men who actually had a moments pause to think about their wives and children. The woman upstairs being raped by two men who refused to pay her price, and the men and women in other areas of the brothel who were in the throws of passion. It all came rushing to me and it made my heart pump faster. It wasn't just their thoughts but the feelings tied to them as well. This was new and if I had been of full mind at the moment it would have frightened me. As all of this rolled over me I took it in, and once it settled I finally bit down. She only yelled out slightly at first, in shock and unaware of what was happening. With all the activity within no one would hear her. The blood splashed up into my mouth and filled it quickly. Instinctively I drank it down as if my very life depended on it, my bite growing stronger the longer I fed. She tensed up and her adrenaline rose quickly as her body responded to the attack in an attempt to protect her. Soon she was all out screaming and my hand rose to close around her throat. Even through my palm I could feel the blood pumping up to spill from her wound. She clawed at my arm and hand trying to free herself from my grasp. I was crushing her windpipe and eventually I felt it collapse under the pressure I applied to it. The force of my bite seemed to grow stronger and stronger as time went on. My mouth was firmly placed over the wound insuring I didn't let a single drop past my lips. There was just so much life in this thick liquid, I can't truly describe it, there is just so much more to blood than simply carrying oxygen. I was filled with more energy with every gulp and this energy made my movements more and more animalistic. Soon I was shaking her as I sucked at her neck and my bite felt as though I could take a chunk out of her. I was dizzy with sensation and the voices and thoughts swirling around made things even more hectic. She was not yet dead but she had long ago gone limp in my arms. She had lost a lot of blood at this point and it would be a matter of moments before her life was over and I knew it. Unexpectedly, the sensations in my head seemed to burst all at once and my mind was saturated with foreign thoughts and emotions. One moment, I was overcome with joy and felt like letting out a roaring laugh. The next moment, my body was sweating as my blood pumped and I was full of lust and adrenaline. An array of different emotions cycled throughout my body, each as strong as the last and if I hadn't been feeding at the time I would have been crushed by them. Venomously I pulled away from my victim's neck with a snarl; something wasn't right.Her thoughts were in there as well, in my head. Her screams came to the forefront of my mind as Nn Lolita Bbs if meant for me alone. Her fear, her adrenaline rush, the very tension in her muscles, I could feel Nn Lolita Bbs all of it. And for a few seconds it was almost as if I was afraid of myself, as though I were seeing myself through her eyes. And it was like a mirror. I saw a tall dark figure hunched over me in the darkness of night behind this building. I had tricked her, preyed upon her and then ripped into her flesh like some animal. My senses were on fire and I felt my own body tensing up in response. I let her limp frame fall to the dirt, I had not yet had my fill but I simply couldn't bring myself to take hold of her and continue to feed. I looked down at her, blood running over her neck and down onto her clothing, hair tangled in weeds and skin smeared red with dirt and blood. She was motionless, nearly dead, I could hear her heart beat and it was faint. Her screams and pleas for help echoing off the walls of my mind. Nn Lolita Bbs And at the back of my mind, all the voices and thoughts that had been drifting in and out became just as loud and they all mixed together. It was like being in a crowd of thousands and having all their voices and all the sounds they made contained completely in your head. It was beyond maddening. I've been taught to take care of bodies; to disguise them to look like murders or robberies gone bad. Sometimes simply dragging a body out into woods and letting the animals finish it off is enough to hold off persecution. Leaving a body this close to town where others could find it without disguising it one way or another was unthinkable, and yet I did just that. I had to get away from there, I was slipping into madness and I wasn't sure if I could hold onto sanity long enough to deal with the body. I moved away from the brothel quickly and took off running into the darkness. I tore through tall grass and leapt over logs and rocks. It was as if I was running from my own mind. I would try to sift through the madness of it all, try to separate and silence the thoughts. The second I would push one to the back of my mind two more would fall into its place. It was like trying to move water with your hands. There was nothing I could do but get away from them and hope that that silenced the voices and stopped the flux of emotions. And so I ran. The walls and torch light have begun to fade from sight and it's still not far enough. I passed into the woods nearly an hour ago and still the voices remain and new ones join in every minute. From time to time I forget why I'm running in the first place, as my mind becomes focused on some random thought. Should I count my money? I wonder if I have enough feed for the chickens in the morning. The only way to get the senator to see my point is through blackmail or bribery. I won't let my daughter be married to that fiend, I'll see him dead first. He can't know, how could he know, I clean the bed and change the sheets everyday before he returns home. The body is still down by the river, I know it is but I dare not go to it, I can't see his body like that, I've killed my own brother. PLEASE, please gods above don't let me die like this! I finally collapsed at the base of a tree, my chest burned from the exertion of running all this time. I was so crazed that I clawed at my own face as though I was trying to dig the voices out with my bare hands. And in my mania, I lost all grasp of reality. In my mind I saw that dark figure standing over me, crushing my throat and silencing all cries. And just like that it was over, all the thoughts and voices were silenced, including my own. I lay there motionless, trapped in my own head. The sun would be up in a few hours and I didn't care if it charred me alive. A few moments ago, my head was flooded with thoughts and now I had none. It was as though I was trapped in a dark room and the door had been locked. Outwardly, I made not a sound or movement but inside I was clawing to get out. I awoke to the sounds of a piano being played in the next room. I didn't open my eyes yet, as my head was pounding and it seemed only natural to keep my eyes closed. At first I wasn't completely sure as to where I was. As I calmed down, the music in the background became unmistakable as Xanthia's playing. I sat up quickly and the pain in my head doubled. It felt as though I had taken a battering ram to the head, my temples were sore and the area at the front of my brain seemed to be overly warm. Upon opening my eyes slowly, a piercing pain shot through my head and I yelled out. A few moments later I heard Xanthia calmly walk into the room."So, you're awake finally" she stated pulling a chair to the side of my bed"How, did I ...""Amon found you, in the dirt a few miles from here. You went quite a bit further than usual didn't you? He said your eyes were wide open but you wouldn't answer him when he found you. Your face looked as though animals had been clawing at you. I didn't believe him myself until I saw it. You were practically comatose...when you weren't shouting like a mad man and twitching. Neither of us had any idea of what to do or what had happened to you.""How long have I been out, Xanthia?" I asked, turning slightly in bed to face her."It's been nearly a week since Amon found you. We weren't able to wake you by any means, what happened? ""To many thoughts all at once, her thoughts were in my head Xanthia, I was killing her and her screams and thoughts were in my head. And worse than that I could feel their emotions; all of them. I couldn't take it. I couldn't sift through them all. I was going crazy....and I""Calm down, it's passed. You're fine now aren't you?""No, it could happen again at any moment and there's nothing I can do, my head feels like I've been beaten about the skull.""You'll learn to control it soon and all these problems will be in the past. You just need patience to let it happen." She stated calmly. No matter what the situation Xanthia could remain calm, if I had said I was chased down and raped by the devil she'd still insist that patience was the answer."And if I don't, if I don't learn to control it, what if I go crazy like the others? Maybe that's why there aren't more readers." I was almost frantic for answers.She leaned forward and looked me straight in the eyes. "The truth is Devon, that we won't know until we get to that point. None of us have dealt with this before, so there's no point in getting so worked up about it until we get there.""I was trapped in my mind, I was laying there on the ground in those woods and any animal, or human for that matter, could have found me there. The sun was only a few hours from coming up when I blacked out. How can you even expect me to be calm about this? Would you be?" I was yelling at this point. And Xanthia took it all in stride and replied just as calmly as she always did."Yes." She simply stated rising from the chair to make her way back into the living room. She was playing the piano once again moments later. I could feel a slight tremor starting in my body, the worst of this entire thing was the irony. We never spoke of it, mainly because I didn't know where to begin. It's something that can't be explained, knowing that something is missing in you. Like all vampires, I was gifted with a memory capacity that was seemingly limitless. Through all of my life I would be able to recall nearly every detail of every experience I had. At least that is how it should have been. A vampire can remember everything from his birth to his dying day. And yet for me it has never been so. I recall dying and awakening again, but the Nn Lolita Bbs time thereafter is simply gone from my memory. I don't recall meeting Xanthia and Amon for the first time. I don't recall getting to know them or adjusting to being a vampire and living with my new master. I don't recall my first kill, or any firsts for that matter. And I never have. The questions I should have had in the beginning are still questions I have now. And I simply don't know if I ever even asked them. Xanthia and master are both aware of my situation. I've been told that sometimes a vampire simply doesn't recall the early stages of his new life. Much like humans don't recall life as a toddler, how they crawled on the ground and stuck things in their mouths out of curiosity. According to Xanthia, it was nothing to think on and was just as natural as remembering. Here I was, able to look into the minds of those around me and yet a chunk of my own life was hidden from me amongst my own thoughts. I went to swing my legs off the bed to get up, but my legs wouldn't move. And as I pulled the sheets back my realization was two fold. My legs were tied to the bed by thick rope and so were my arms but with enough slack to allow them to rest at my side. The rope was very thick and had quite a bit of weight to it. Still if I wanted to, I could snap them easily, they'd do little to hold me in this bed. Though I imagine if I wasn't really aware that they were there in the first place they might hold me in place. "Why am I tied to the bed? Xanthia?" I called out.AN: Another chapter, I really like hearing from you guys. You can e-mail me at ACursedlifegmail.com You can also check out my yahoo group, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACursedLife/ or look for A Cursed life over at Gayauthors.org under efiction. Please take the time to leave a review or join in the story discussions under story cafe. The direct link to the story on 'GA' is http://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewstory.php?sid=70 Any feedback is more than welcome.
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