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[转载]2016年10月浙江新高考英语读后续写点评和范文

(2020-04-23 22:49:25)
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分类: 英语教学

原创 2016-10-26 黄晓辉 

之荒野冒险

读后续写,阅读下面短文,根据所给情节进行续写,使之构成一个完整的故事。

One weekend in July, Jane and herhusband, Tom, had driven three hours to camp overnight by a lakein the forest. Unfortunately, on the way an unpleasant subject came up and theystarted to quarrel. By the time they reached the lake, Jane was so angry thatshe said to Tom, “I’m going to find a better spot for us to camp” and walkedaway.

With no path to follow, Jane just walked onfor quite a long time. After she had climbed to a high place, she turnedaround, hoping to see the lake. To her surprise, she saw nothing but forestand, far beyond, a snowcapped mountain top. She suddenly realized that she waslost.

“Tom!” she cried. “Help!”

No reply. If only she had not left her mobilephone in that bag with Tom. Jane kept moving, but the farther she walked, themore confused she became. As night was beginning to fall, Jane was so tiredthat she had to stop for the night. Lying awake in the dark, Jane wanted verymuch to be with Tom and her family. She wanted to hold him and tell him howmuch she loved him.

Jane rose at the break of day, hungry andthirsty. She could hear water trickling (滴落)somewhere at a distance. Quickly she followed the sound to a stream.To her great joy, she also saw some berry bushes. She drank and ate afew berries. Never in her life had she tasted anything better. Feeling strongernow, Jane began to walk along the stream and hope it would lead her to thelake.

As she picked her way carefully along thestream, Jane heard a helicopter. Is that for me? Unfortunately, thetrees made it impossible for people to see her from above. A few minutes later,another helicopter flew overhead. Jane took off her yellow blouse,thinking that she should go to an open area and flag them if they came backagain.

注意:

1. 所续写短文的词数应为150左右;

2. 应使用5个以上短文中标有下划线的关键词语;

3. 续写部分分为两段,每段的开头语已为你写好;

4. 续写完成后,请用下划线标出你所使用的关键词语。

Paragraph1:

But no more helicopter came and it wasgetting dark again.____________

Paragraph2:

It was daybreak when Jane woke up. _________________________

(356words)

   概括已知信息:标明核心词、核心句,梳理语篇内容的推进方向

Jane and her husband, Tom,…driven threehours to camp…a lake in the forest….quarrel… walked away…lost…stopfor the night…rose at the break of day…to a stream…drank and ate a fewberries…hope it would lead her to the lake…heard a helicopter…Unfortunately,the trees made it impossible for people to see her…A few minutes later, anotherhelicopter…yellow blouse

汉语:驱车野营生嫌隙,迷失山林心焚急;

挨饿恐惧度长夜,两架飞机失机会。

   按人物、环境、情节动词等分类划线词:

Kinds

Underlined key words and phrases

Character

Jane, Tom,

Action

walked, climbed

Place

lake, stream,

Concrete Things

Helicopter, yellow blouse,

Abstract

To her great joy, at a distance

3   紧扣语境构思情节。分析:

1. 据第一段开头DARK可知,又要在荒野再过一晚。环境描写。大量心理活动,后悔?想念?期待?坚持?夜里有没有遇到蛇、老虎、狮子?

2. 据第二段开头WOKE UP可知,第一段应有JANE入睡的情节。

3. 第二段情节可能:醒来看到TOMOR醒来在医院;OR贵人相助OR直升机救援;OR独自找到湖。

情节1(搭建本段空白处前后桥梁)

dark again. -Jane tired,hungry---frightened---thought to herself---if only---miss Tom—tomorrowguide the helicopter---lie beside the stream---tigers---hold herbreath—quiet—slept

情节2

Itwas daybreak when Jane woke up. --ate berries and drank some water---catchsight of a fisherman at a distance---climbed to an open areatogether---- To her great joy---helicopter—yellow blouse--rescuers---thewarmest hug---smile satisfied smiles

 

4  

   初稿 

(分析原文写作风格,特殊语法结构有时间状语从句结果状语从句条件状语从句宾语从句DOING,直接引语虚拟语气倒装疑问句感叹句介词短语)

But no more helicopter came and it wasgetting dark again. Jane was so tired and hungry that shedidn’t have any power at all. What’s worse, she was extremely frightened. She thoughtto herself, “If only I had not quarrelled with Tom. Where is Tom? He must havemade the emergency call. What I need is enough courage. If I continue myspirits tomorrow, I will be likely to guide the helicopter.” Lyingbeside the stream, she fell asleeep very soon. Suddenly, she was wokenup by the wild shouts of several tigers, which made her scared to death. Aftershe held her breath for a few minutes, gradually everything was quiet again. Inthe terrible darkness, she slept again.   

It was daybreak when Jane woke up. She caughtsight of a fisherman at a distance. Walking nearer, she told him thewhole story. Together, they climbed to an open area. To her great joy,a helicopter flew overhead just at that moment. The fisherman helped her flagher yellow blouse wildly. This did catch the helicopter’s attention! Jane wasrescued. Bursting into tears, she told Tom that she missed him so much. Neverwould she do such a foolish thing. Tom gave her the warmest and longest hug shehad ever received. People around smiled satisfied smiles.  

   除使用原文已有从句等复杂语法结构外,还使用主语从句,定语从句等复杂语法结构。

   核查字数、下划线标明原文给出的5个以上关键词语、连接词、标点、语法。

可能能版本(201 words)删词,尽量不减少特殊语法结构。

But no more helicopter came and it wasgetting dark again. Jane was so tired, hungry, andextremely frightened. She thought to herself, “If only I had not quarrelledwith Tom. Where is Tom? He must have made the emergency call. What Ineed is enough courage. If I continue my spirits tomorrow, I will be likely toguide the helicopter.” Lying beside the stream, she fell asleeepvery soon. Suddenly, she heard the shouts of tigers, which made her scared todeath. After she held her breath for a few minutes, everything was quiet again.In the terrible darkness, she slept again.  

It was daybreak when Jane woke up. She caughtsight of a fisherman at a distance, with whose help she climbedto an open area. To her great joy, a helicopter flew overhead just atthat moment. The fisherman helped flag her yellow blouse wildly. Thisdid catch the rescuers’ attention! Jane was rescued. Seeing Tom, she told him howmuch she missed him. Never would they be away from each other. Tom gave her thewarmest and longest hug she had ever received. People around smiled satisfiedsmiles.  174 words

富阳区实验中学高三(6)班学生项琪考后重写版本(砍柴老人,湖泊,直升机  

Butno more helicopter came and it was getting dark again. The temperture got lowerat night than in the daytime. Jane put on her yellow blouse. At thatmoment, tiredness surrounded her. She felt exhausted both physically andemotionally. But she continued walking forward because she really wantedto meet Tom as soon as possible. She walked slowly and carefully indarkness. Following the stream for about two hours, Jane couldn’tsupport her physical strength, so she found a flat ground to spend the long andhard night.

Itwas daybreak when Jane woke up. She felt hungry and tired. After a shortadjustment, she began the hard trip. A few hours later, she caught sight of anold man cutting woods. To her great joy, the old man, who was veryfamiliar with the geographical characteristics, informed her of the way to the lake.Seeing the lake meant seeing hope in the air. Fortunately, a helicopterflew overhead just at that moment. Jane flagged her yellow blousewildly. This time, the helicopter found her and took her to her husband. Theygave each other the warmest hug they had ever received.        

(170 words)

 

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