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essay: 女儿和父亲的赞同,Daughters and Dad’s Approval - WSJ.com

(2011-06-24 04:46:24)
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杂谈

按:这是篇心理学的研究发现,是我在solidot.org上看到的“父女的纽带延续传统”,点击原文,有了更深入的了解,yeeyan.org上也无译文,于是在实验室闲来无事时把它翻译了一下。



By PEGGY DREXLER 
 
女儿和父亲的赞同 - 华尔街日报
 
It’s no secret that the past few decades have transformed traditional gender relationships. Both men and women are operating by a whole new set of rules. 
 
过去几十年来已经改变了传统的性别关系,这个不是秘密。男人和女人在经营着一整套新的规则。 
 
Given the depth of the change, you might expect a dramatic alteration in one of the most fundamental male-female relationships: the one between dads and daughters. 
 
考虑到这种变化的深度,你可能希望最基本的男女关系之一,父亲和女儿的关系,发生戏剧性的改变。 
 
In my research into the lives of some 75 high-achieving, clearly independent women, I knew that I would find a powerful connection between them and the first men in their lives. Many other studies have confirmed it. What surprised me was how deep (and surprisingly traditional) the bond is, how powerful it remains throughout their lives, and how resilient it can be—even when a father has caused it grievous harm. 
 
对约75个获得很高成就、有明显独立性的女性的生活做了研究,我了解到我发现在她们和她们生活中第一个男人之间有一个强有力的连接。这已经被其它研究所证实。令我惊奇的是:这个纽带是如此之深,在她们整个一生中保持如此强大,以及如此有弹性复原力,即使父亲已经严重伤害到这种纽带。 
 
There is, of course, the force of history here. It has always been the father’s job to protect the daughter until she is ready to be handed off to the protection of another man. Though time has softened the transaction—for one thing, women have long had a say in the matter—the basic concept has remained the same. 
 
当然,这也有历史的力量在这里。父亲的工作常常是保护了女儿,直到她准备被交给另一个男人保护。虽然时间已经弱化了这种交接(比如一件事,女人已经开始就事论事很长时间了),但是这一基本概念仍然保持不变。 
 
It has run headlong, however, into the paradigm-rattling change in female possibility over the past several generations. In the halls of virtually all professional schools, the number of women now equals or surpasses the number of men. New Census figures show that working women are, on the whole, better educated than working men. And new female managers are being hired at the same rate as males. 
 
然而,在过去的几代中,女性的机遇迅速进行了模式变化。在几乎所有职业学校的大厅中,女性的数量等于或超过了男性的数量。新统计数字也显示,整体上,职业女性比职业男性受到更好的教育。女性职业经理人和男性有相同的雇用率。 
 
In families with children, more than 70% depend on two incomes. Some 40% of mothers work full time. In one in three couples, the wife brings home more than the husband. Women are starting their own businesses at twice the rate of men. 
 
在有孩子的家庭里,超过70%的家庭依靠夫妻双方的收入。约40%的妈妈有全职工作。1/3的夫妻中,妻子比丈夫带给家庭更多。女性开始自己生意业务的数量两倍于丈夫。 
 
A power structure that has held since the days when men hunted and women gathered is changing before our eyes. But it has not affected all male-female relationships the same way. I assumed that daughters would exert the same independence in their own families as in other areas of their lives, but I found the opposite. 
 
一种自从男人狩猎女人采集时代就建立的权利结构开始在我们眼前改变。但是它没有同样的方式影响所有的男女关系。我认为女儿会像在她们其他生活领域里一样在家庭里发挥同样的独立性,但是我发现恰恰相反。 
 
No matter how successful their careers, how happy their marriages, or how fulfilling their lives, women told me that their happiness passed through a filter of their fathers’ reactions. Many told me that they tried to remove the filter and—much to their surprise—failed. 
 
不论女人在职业上多么成功,婚姻上多么幸福,或满足于她们的生活,她们告诉我她们的父亲如同过滤器一样过滤了她们的幸福。她们许多人也告诉我,她们试图消除这个过滤器式的父亲的影响,但是令她们惊奇的是失败了。 
 
We know that fathers play a key role in the development and choices of their daughters. But even for women whose fathers had been neglectful or abusive, I found a hunger for approval. They wanted a warm relationship with men who did not deserve any relationship at all. 
 
我们知道父亲在女儿的发展和她们作出选择时扮演了重要角色。但是,即使她们的父亲已经被忽视或虐待,我发现女儿一种对获得赞许的渴求。她们想要一种和男人温暖的关系,而男人认为完全不值得这种关系。 
 
Part of this need takes form early in life—when a father is a girl’s portal to the world of men. I call fathers a girl’s GPS—gender positioning system. It’s how women begin to orient themselves in a confusing and (especially of late) fluid landscape of gender expectations. 
 
这种需求部分源自于她们小时的生活,那时,父亲是女儿进入男人世界的门户。我称父亲是女人的性别GPS定位系统。这就是女性如何自己开始在一个令人混淆和对性别期望远景世界里导向自己地。 
 
Absent that GPS, many women find themselves adrift. Mallory, a 34-year-old chiropractor who described a cold and disinterested father, still has trouble dealing with the attention she gets from men. She said, “I don’t feel I know how to flirt very well or engage with men very well.” Would that be different if her relationship with her father had been different? She thinks so. 
 
如果缺少这个GPS,许多女人发现自己漂浮不定。Mallory,一个34岁的按摩师,讲述了她自己一个冷漠的和漠视的父亲。她仍然在获得男性吸引上有困难。她说,“我觉得我不知道如何更好地调情或者和男人相处好。如果她和父亲的关系不同的话她的烦恼现在会不同吗?她认为会不同。 
 
Nontraditional families are gaining acceptance everywhere, from TV sitcoms to our own neighborhoods. But even in such families that are successful in every other respect, I found that the absence of a father during a girl’s formative years resonates into adulthood. 
 
非传统家庭从电视连续剧到邻居那里,无处不在地获得认同。但是即使在一个这样在各个方面获得承认的家里,我发现,如果在一个女孩子成长的岁月里缺少父亲会和她成年后的生活产生共鸣反映。 
 
Abigail is a good example. A young, first-time mother, she remembers her physician father as prone to severe mood swings and frightening behavior. While separating from her mother, he made a “statement” by dragging furniture from the house to the front lawn and setting it on fire. He told her at age 8 that the only reason he married in the first place was because her mother was pregnant with Abigail—and that he never really wanted her. Yet she remembers loving him even as she feared him, and she credits him with her determination, athleticism and love of the outdoors. 
 
Abigail是一个很好的例子。她是一个第一次做母亲的人,仍然记得她的容易出现严重情绪波动或者可怕行为的父亲。当他和母亲离婚时,他把家具从屋里拖到前草坪上烧了,以此做了一个声明。她8岁时父亲告诉她,他第一次结婚的唯一原因是她的母亲怀上了她,他从没真正想要她母亲。然而,Aligail记得她爱父亲,即使她害怕他时,她以能和父亲一起做决断,运动和爱好户外运动为荣耀。 
 
Good father, bad father, indifferent father, absent father: In my work with the women whose stories form the heart of my book, I encountered them all. The stories are as different as the women themselves. But I found one thing time and again: Our fathers are a potent and enduring part of ourselves. 
 
好父亲,坏父亲,冷漠的父亲,缺席的父亲,出现在我的工作中那些受研究的女人的故事中,形成了我的书的核心,我遇到了他们。这些故事就像女性自身各不相同一样不同。但是,我发现一件事情一次又一次的出现:我们的父亲是我们自己强大和持久性的一部分。 
 
—Ms. Drexler is a professor of psychology at Weill Cornell Medical College and the author of “Our Fathers, Ourselves: Daughters, Fathers and the Changing American Family.” 
 
Drexler 女士是威尔康奈尔医学院的心理学教授,也是《我们的父亲,我们自己:女儿,父亲和变换中的美国家庭》的作者。

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