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妈妈,我是怎么从你肚子里出来的? ——中国妈妈问,美国妈妈答[No.74]

(2011-03-24 17:29:45)
标签:

中国妈妈问

美国妈妈答

米妈妈建议

和宝宝谈生育

育儿

杂谈

分类: 中国妈妈问,美国妈妈答
2011年3月24日,星期四
   来自天津的聪聪妈
中国妈妈问——
宝宝今年5岁,之前已经明白自己是从妈妈的肚子里来的,最近又对怎么出来的感兴趣。因为是剖腹产,所以不太敢和孩子说实话,主要怕吓着他。他还自己想象是不是妈妈从嘴巴里把他吐出来的,就像吃多了东西那样的,描述的有声有色。我该怎样告诉他呢?请不吝赐教,谢谢!

美国妈妈答——
来自美国圣地亚哥的Shauna
我认为你完全可以告诉他实情。让他知道,一些妈妈不得不接受剖腹产,这样小宝宝才能来到这个世界,而剖腹产就是医生做的一种手术,如果他想了解更多,那你就告诉他,“医生会给妈妈一种神奇的药,这样妈妈就不觉得疼了,然后,他们会在妈妈的肚子上切个口子”。你甚至还可以告诉他,手术分不同类型,有的手术是帮助小宝宝出生的,有的是帮助那些生病和受伤的人。你永远都不会知道,这些信息会在未来的什么时候派上用场——也许将来他或是他身边的人需要动手术呢(但愿这永远都不要发生),他需要相关的知识,这样他就能理解,其实这没什么可怕的,因为他知道这就是妈妈生养小baby的方式。
我有个3岁孩子,我会在不经意之间和她谈这个话题,比如,当我们一起分享照片时,碰巧看到一张我怀孕时的照片,或当我最好的朋友怀孕时。我和她谈论,在妈妈的肚子里住着个小婴儿,以及这个小婴儿是怎么从妈妈的肚子里跑出来的。有时,他会打破砂锅问到底,有时也不会。
告诉你的孩子实情,但要记住你的措辞要符合他的年龄。

妈妈,我是怎么从你肚子里出来的? <wbr>——中国妈妈问,美国妈妈答[No.74]

Shauna H. answers from San Diego
I think you can honestly answer this question. Let him know that some Mommies have to have a c-section and that means that you had surgery by a Dr. If he wants to know more about what surgery is, just explain it's when a Dr. gives you medicine so you feel no pain and then cuts you open. You can even tell him there are different types of surgery - some to help babies come into the world, some to help someone who is sick or hurt. You never know when this information may be useful in the future - God forbid, he or anyone close to him needs to have surgery, he will be armed with knowledge that may help him understand that it's not so scary because that's how Mommy gave birth to him.
I have a 3 year old and I just randomly talk about it - when we see a picture of me when I was pregnant for example, or when my best friend was pregnant. I talk about there being a baby in the belly and how he had to come out of my belly to born. Sometimes he asks follow-up questions and other times he doesn't.
I've always read that if they're asking...they're ready to hear the answer (just remember to keep it at their level).

来自美国阿什本的S M.
你当然能告诉他你接受剖腹产的实情。他不会被吓着的,没准还挺感兴趣的呢。你可以从图书馆借本关于人体构造方面的书(当然是给小孩子看的那种),然后向他介绍各个骨骼和器官。告诉他,妈妈有两种方式生小baby,并解释你为什么要接受剖腹产,你可以说,“你在妈妈肚子里的时候太大了,妈妈靠子宫收缩不能把你推出来等)。告诉他,你当时是不是害怕,是不是很疼,不过能够拥有像他这样可爱懂事的小baby,所有的一切都是值得的,让他知道,医生当时给了你很好的照顾。
最尴尬的问题当然是,“那我一开始是怎么跑到妈妈肚子里去的呢?”有很多育儿书籍都有这方面的介绍。Dr. Sears(美国著名育儿专家)的几本书中都谈论过这个话题,给我印象最深的是,“爸爸身体中的一部份与妈妈身体中的一部分融合,然后就造出了小baby…(我想这实际上说的是精子和卵子)。至于是如何融合的这个问题,我的孩子从来没有问过我,但如果他们问了,我想我会这样说,这个问题是大人们的隐私,你长大后自然就知道了。
我认为,应该诚实地回答孩子的问题,但要确保用他们听得懂的词。胡乱编个故事,向孩子隐瞒或根本就不愿谈论的做法一方面会让孩子觉得害怕,另一方面会让他对你产生怀疑,当他有一天知道实情的话还会觉得自己当时很蠢。
我的孩子们在很小的时候就知道人体各个部位的名称,我6岁的孩子在她3岁半的时候就知道妈妈是如何生孩子的(顺产和剖腹产都知道),那时我正好给她生了个小妹妹。如果你在孩子很小的时候,就向她灌输这方面的知识,那日后当孩子问起这方面的问题时,你就不会觉得无从下手。
顺便说一句,我小时候,我妈妈还给我看了她剖腹产后留下的伤疤,记得当时我还想,能从那里面来可真是太cool了!!
S M. answers from Ashburn
Of course you can tell him you had a c-section! He'll be fine and probably fascinated. Get a kids body book from the library, show him the bones and the organs if he doesn't know about that stuff already. Tell him the two ways that babies come out and explain the reason you needed a c-section )he was too big, mom's contractions couldn't push him out, etc.). Tell him the truth about being scared or if it hurt - but also tell him it was worth it to get him and the doctor took good care of you.
The harder question of course is how he got in there in the first place!! There are a lot of books made for kids having siblings and they will give you a good start in finding some language here. Dr. Sears has a couple good books I think about the "Mom is having a baby" topic. The one I remember with my daughter was basically "Daddy has a piece and Mommy has a piece and they put them together to make a baby... (I think they actually said sperm and egg). As for the act, my kids never have asked and I personally would probably say something like "That is something private that grown-ups do..."
For all of this, I believe in complete honesty but in terms he understands. Making up stories or hiding things or not being willing to talk about it - that will either be scary to him or it will make him doubt you and not trust you or he will feel silly when he hears the truth.
My kids knew the correct names for their body parts from day one, and my now 6 year old know how babies were born (vagina or operation) when she was 3 1/2 and her sister was born. If you start small now, it will make the later more difficult conversations easier later.
By the way, when I was little my Mom showed me her c-section scar and I remember thinking it was pretty cool that I came from there!!

来自美国蒂梅丘拉的Kristi
当我还是个小孩时,应该比你的孩子还小,我们家就有一本儿童书叫《我是怎么出生的》(Where Did I Come From),那本书上几乎囊括了所有这方面的事。
一些孩子想得比较多,他们会问一些细节方面的事情,对于这样的孩子你可以给他们讲些细节。
我的观点是:不要对孩子撒谎,回答他们的每一个问题,但用不着把所有的细节都说给他们听,另外还要注意自己的措辞一定要适合孩子的年龄。
Kristi M. answers from Temecula
When I was little, younger than your son, we had the kids book Where Did I Come From? and that pretty much answered everything.
Some kids ask more detailed questions than others and think things through more so you end up providing more details for some than others.
I'm in the camp of don't lie, answer every question and age appropriately without every little detail.
You got some great advice on explaining the c-section!

来自美国克里夫顿的Mamy of 2
你可以这样告诉他:医生伯伯在妈妈的肚皮上为你开了一扇门,这样你就来到了这个世界上。
如果他接着问,“那你觉得疼吗”,你就告诉他,“一点都不疼啊,医生给了妈妈一种特效药,吃了后就不感到疼了”。你还可以告诉他,你当时真是太兴奋了,想立即就看到他,因此就感觉不到疼了。
Mamy of 2 answers from Clifton
You can tell him that the doctor made a special door for him to enter this world.
If he ask if it hurt you say no, 2) doctors have special medicine so you don't feel it and b) you were just so excited to met him you don't even put attention to nothing else.


米妈妈建议:
不要对孩子撒谎,回答他们的每一个问题,但用不着把所有的细节都说给他们听,另外还要注意你的措辞一定要适合孩子的年龄。实际上,很多美国妈妈都不避讳这个问题, 在孩子很小的时候,她们就会在不经意之间向孩子灌输这方面的知识,比如,和孩子一起分享照片时,碰巧看到一张怀孕时的照片,或当她们最好的朋友怀孕时等。
你可以从图书馆借些关于人体构造方面的书(当然是给小孩子看的那种),然后给孩子介绍各个骨骼和器官。告诉孩子,妈妈有两种方式生小baby,还可以解释你为什么要接受剖腹产,你可以说,“你在妈妈肚子里的时候太大了,妈妈靠子宫收缩不能把你推出来等。

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