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孩子对爸爸很抗拒,这到底是怎么回事?——中国妈妈问,美国妈妈答[No.35]

(2011-01-18 10:37:14)
标签:

中国妈妈问

美国妈妈答

米妈妈建议

孩子不理爸爸

育儿

杂谈

分类: 中国妈妈问,美国妈妈答
2011年1月18日,星期二
来自北京的蕊蕊妈
中国妈妈问——
两岁两个月的女宝粘妈妈好像很常见,但是如果同时对爸爸很抗拒这很正常吗?爸爸给冲的奶就不要,爸爸要给穿衣服爸爸抱要找妈妈,但其实宝宝和爸爸爸很亲的,不知道该怎么引导呢?

美国妈妈答——
来自美国洛杉矶的Kate
这种情况也发生在我身上。有很长一段时间,我3岁的孩子只想和她爷爷奶奶在一起。不管我怎么努力,我的孩子就是不跟我,这真的让我很恼火,我甚至都开始生我孩子的气了。哎,这种感觉真是糟透了。不过,情况开始慢慢好转起来了。为了改善我和孩子之间的关系,孩子的爷爷奶奶就必须后退。如果你的孩子不喝她爸爸给冲的牛奶,那她可能就不想喝,等她渴了她自己会喝的。为了让我的孩子喜欢上我,我会带他出去玩,就我们俩人,即便我只是去趟副食店我也带着她。我必须让她知道,我是她能依赖的人,而这真的起作用了。现在,她仍然很爱她爷爷奶奶,而我再也不觉得自己是局外人了!
Kate L. answers from L.A.
We have gone through this in my house too. My now 3 year old only wanted my grandparents for a very long time. I could not win her over no matter how much I tried to. I actually started to resent her for a while (talk about Mommy guilt!), which made me feel so horrible! It has slowly gotten better, but in order to make this happen, my grandparents had to back off a LOT. If your LO doesn't want to drink the milk Daddy brings her, then she doesn't want any milk. If she's thirsty, she will drink it eventually. I started taking my DD out for little outings, just the two of us, even if it was just to run to the grocery store. She had to learn to rely on me a little more, and that seemed to really help. She still favors my SO to an extent, but I don't feel like the outsider anymore!

来自美国华盛顿的Yarrmatey
这只是孩子成长的一个阶段。我的孩子只吃他爸爸喂的饭(我试过喂她各种各样的婴儿食品,但她就是不吃。她就是只要爸爸,不要妈妈。最后,我们只有这样办了:爸爸在时,爸爸喂她吃饭,爸爸不在时,那她就只能接受妈妈的食物了)。你女儿会度过这一阶段的。我同样认为,有时动用一点做家长的权威也没什么不好,你就直接告诉她,今天爸爸来给你穿衣服。是的,她非常有可能大哭大叫,但是,宝贝,你不可能得到你想要的一切,即便你是个2岁大的小甜心。
Yarrmatey answers from Washington
It is a phase. My baby will only eat when dad feeds her (I have tried pretty much every kind of baby food and she just wants dad not mom so he feeds her when he is here and if he isn't the baby just has to deal with mealtimes with mom). Your daughter will outgrow it. I also think that it would be fine for you to pull parent rank and say dad is dressing you. Yeah, she might scream but you can't always get what you want even if you are a sweet little 2 year old girl.

来自美国莫里斯维尔的Christine
她不过是个孩子。我第二个孩子(一个小男孩)和你女儿一样,要比其他两个孩子黏我。不过,他现在长大些了,情况也就好多了。
Christine C. answers from Morrisville
She is still little. My middle child ( a boy) was similar he is more clingy then my two other kids. He just grew out of it.

来自美国凤凰城的Cathy
试着父亲带孩子做些有趣的事。让孩子知道,和爸爸在一起也会乐趣无穷,爸爸也会带给她无限呵护,爸爸也是值得信赖的。如果只有他们两人在一起做些有趣的事,肯定会对改善他们之间的关系大有帮助的。让爸爸参与带孩子是非常重要的。如果爸爸是唯一递给她牛奶的人,我想她是不会拒绝的。
Cathy H. answers from Phoenix
Try having daddy take her to something fun. Let her learn that daddy can mean fun and nurturing and dependability. If THEY leave together and are headed for something fun and you're not there, it might help. It is important for daddy to bond. She won't refuse the milk if he is the only one there that can hand it to her.

来自美国夏普斯堡的Suz
对于这件事,你们两个人都不用太放在心上,也不要对孩子感到愧疚。用不着做任何事。继续你们的生活(包括让父亲和孩子一对一单独相处),等到这一阶段过去后情况就会好的。
Suz T. answers from Sharpsburg
Both of you need to keep a sense of humor about this phase and not guilt trip her. Don’t do anything. Go on about your lives (including plenty of daddy/daughter one-on-one time) and wait for the next phase to kick in!

来自美国劳德戴尔Kristine
我向你保证,这只是孩子成长的一个阶段。我女儿这个年纪时也这样,现在她快5岁了,完全就是她父亲的小心肝,而且好像更喜欢和爸爸在一起。她一岁时很黏我,2岁时的绝大多数时候也更喜欢和我待在一起。不过,事情走向极端肯定不好。
如果你女儿和她父亲能一起做些事的话,肯定会有帮助的。可以让父亲在周日早上带孩子去公园,或者让爸爸给孩子洗澡。我儿子2岁零4个月,现在,你我在同一条船上。我在家时,如果是由他父亲把他和姐姐抱上床,他就会哭得死去活来。我在家时,他不想让他父亲过多地管他。不过,要是我不在他身边,他就会把父亲当成最好的伙伴。因此,我的观点是,事情不会永远都这样,这只是孩子成长的一个必经阶段。
Kristine M. answers from Fort Lauderdale
I promise it's a phase. My daughter went through it and now at almost 5, she is a complete daddy's girl and prefers him to me in every way. This is the girl who was attached to me practically physically the first year of her life and a good portion of her second year as well. And being on the opposite end of things now does hurt.
It would help if they had something only the 2 of them do. Like if Daddy took her to the park Saturday mornings. Or if Daddy always did bath time. My son is 2 years, 4 months and we are in the same boat again. Only I will do. He wails like someone is killing him when his father puts him and his sister to bed if I'm home. He doesn't want much to do with his dad if I'm home. But when I'm not around, they are the best of friends. So my point is it won't always be like this and it's totally normal.

来自美国西雅图的Riley
这个阶段被称作“黏妈妈阶段”,或“黏爸爸阶段”,或者“黏奶奶阶段”。小孩子要不只和一个人亲近,然后排斥其他任何人,要不就只排斥一个人,然后和其他所有人亲近。
通常,这一阶段会持续几周或几个月。
Riley J. answers from Seattle
It's called a "mommy phase". Or a "daddy phase". Or a 'nana phase". Or a 'cousin/ aunt/ nanny/ pick a person in her life, any person in her life, phase" . Kids will either shun EVERYONE except one person, or shun one person, and be great with everyone.
It typically lasts a few weeks to a few months. Kids will often cycle through people as well.

来自美国盐湖的Kim
下个月我女儿也要满2岁了,而现在,我们和你一样,面临同样的困境。我女儿只和我亲。她仍然会亲她爸爸,爱她爸爸,但只要我离开房间,她就会嚎啕大哭,而且还会哭得格外伤心。我们希望这个阶段能顺利过渡,现在,我们正在试着不对她的哭闹做让步。我的意思是, 我喜欢拥抱她,抚摩她,但她才不到2岁,而我还有8个月的身孕,因此我不可能一整天都抱着她。我女儿的这种情况可能也和节假日有关。她无法理解,为什么她爸爸会突然在家待上两周。上周六,她不让她爸爸碰她,只让我来抱,但是当她爸爸离开房间时,她又变得焦虑不安起来。
我确定这只是小孩子成长的一个必经阶段,希望所有的小女孩都能快点度过这一阶段。
Kim C. answers from Salt Lake City
My daughter will be two next month and we are also going through this big time. She will only let me do anything for her. She will still kiss and love on daddy, but if mommy leaves the room there is a blood curdling screaming match going on. We are hoping this all just works itself out, right now we are trying not to give in to her constantly. I mean I love snuggling and cuddling her, but she is almost two, I'm 8 months pregnant, and I can't hold her all day long. I think for my daughter at least it also has something to do with the holidays. She didn't really understand why daddy was suddenly home with us all the time (for two weeks!) Last Thursday, she didn't want daddy to touch her, only mommy to hold her, but if daddy left the room she would freak out.
I'm sure it's just a phase, hopefully both girls outgrow it very soon! :)

来自美国塔尔萨的Kay
告诉你丈夫,这很正常,是孩子成长的必经阶段。遇到这种情况时,我丈夫显得很平静,但过后,我发现这真的让他很受伤害。他觉得是自己做错了什么,孩子才会这样对他。
Kay B. answers from Tulsa
Stress to your husband that it is a normal phase. My husband kept quiet and I found out later that it really hurt him. He took it personally and thought there was something wrong with him.

来自美国托皮卡的KansasMom
这真的是孩子成长的一个阶段,大多数孩子都会经历。我外孙刚满3岁,他和他爸爸妈妈都很亲,但有时,他只想要他妈妈,或只想要他爸爸。他父母会尊重他的要求,这个时候,被“嫌弃”的一方就会离开。不要太在意,这很正常。让你丈夫知道,这并不意味着他的乖乖女不爱他了…她只是在“行使她的选择权”。 下周,她就会让她爸爸给她干这干那了。
KansasMom answers from Topeka
It is really a phase that a lot of children go through. My grandson just turned three and he shares a very close bond with both of his parents but at times he "only wants 'Mama" or "only wants Papa". They honor his request and just move on without any comment. Don't make a big deal out of this or it may REALLY turn into a big deal!! Assure your husband that this does not mean that she doesn't love him...she is just "exercising her options"....next week it may be Daddy that she wants for everything!!

来自美国美国华盛顿的Shane
几乎所有的小孩子都会经历这个阶段。他们有时和妈妈亲,有时和爸爸亲,有时和两者都亲。你需要做的是,不要对孩子的这种行为太过担忧,因为,他们只是想吸引你的注意力。
小女孩有时是很善变的。
你女儿肯定会度过这一阶段的。
Shane B. answers from Washington
Almost all little kids go through this. They favor mommy or daddy, or both back and forth. The main thing is not to freak out about it too much because they will just feed off of the attention.
Little girls can be fickle.
Your daughter will outgrow this.

米妈妈建议:
这是孩子成长的一个阶段,大多数孩子都会经历,家长们大可不必忧心忡忡的,千万不要把孩子的哭闹和拒绝解读成是孩子不爱自己了。可以试着让孩子的父亲带她做些有趣的事,比如,在周末早上带孩子去公园。你的孩子需要知道,和老爸在一起也会乐趣无穷,和老爸在一起也会得到无限呵护,老爸也是值得信赖的。

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