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A letter from an unknown woman

(2011-05-10 19:47:42)
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1 Now I have only you left in the world ,only you ,who do not know me ,you ,who are enjoying youself all unheeding ,sporting with men and things ,only you ,who have never known me ,and whom I have never creased to love .

2 I am sure that no one else has ever loved you so slavishly ,with such doglike fidelity with such devotion ,as I did and do .

3 unnoticed love ——单相思

4 I consciously gave my whole heart to you

5 thanks so much

6 but from this moment the time when you looked at me so gently ,so tenderly ,I was yours .

7 it was a caressing and alluring glance ,at once enfolding and disclothing .——那是一种充满诱惑,既含情脉脉,又让人意乱情迷的目光

8 I felt as if I had been bathed in fine ,I believe that the tenderness was for me ,for me only

9 I have loved you ever since ——从那一刻开始,我就爱上你

10 in this one instant, the woman was awakend in the half-grown girl .the woman who was to be yours for all future time . ——从那一刻起,一个女孩变成了一个女人,一个将永远属于你的女人。

11 given to drink .——酒鬼

12 to let—— 出租

13 good families ——上流家庭

14 hail-fellow-well-meet ——点头哈腰

15 in my own case ——至于我

16 one by one

17 I tried to picture you in my mind

18 that very night

19 I dreamed of you for the first

20 my childish imagination ——孩子气的想象

21 good-natured ——好脾气

22 and you came ,looking just as you still look ,for you are one on whom the years leave little mark .

23 you are two people rolled into one

24 one of these was known to all ,it was the life open to the whole world ,the other was turned away from the world and was fully known only to youself .

25 I need hardly tell you that henceforward ,in my restrictded world world ,you were the only thing that interested me

26 in my immaturity I did not in the least realise that the eager curiosity with which I scanned all your doing was already love ——我还不够成熟,也还没有意识到我对你的那种好奇心已经是爱情了

27 I  was inexperienced and unsuspecting ,I rushed to meet my fate ,everything that stirred in me ,all that happened to me ,seemed to be centred upon you ,upon my imaginings.——我毫无经验,毫无防备,就这样不知不觉地迎来了自己的命运,从那天起,我心里所想的一切似乎都以你为中心——以我想象中的你为中心。

28 you became for me ——what simile can do justice to my feelings ?-you become for the whole my life ——你对于我来说——我该怎样比喻才好呢?任何比喻都是不够的,要知道,我把你当成我的一切,甚至于是我的整个生命。

29 nothing existed for me except in so far as related to you ,nothing had meaning for me unless it bore upon you in some way ,you had changge everything for me . ——对我来说,所有跟你无关的事情能够都毫无意义。任何一件事情,只要跟你有某种关联,才会显得有意义。

30 what a fool I was !you hardly ever look at me again.

40 during the weeks when you were away ,life was devoid of meaning to me .out of sorts ,bored to death ,and in an ill-humour,I wandered about not knowing what to do ,and had to take precautions lest my tear-staind eyes should betray my despair to my mother .——我什么都不想干,感觉无聊极了,心情能个也很差,我到处闲晃,不知道该干什么,而且我还得十分小心,生恐妈妈从我哭肿的眼睛看出我的绝望-

41、for never was my love purer and more passionat that this time .

42、I heard no more ,everything seemed to turn black before my eyes ,I learned afterwards that I had fainted.

43、all the arrangements were made behind my back .一切都背着我进行

44、my life seemed falling to picces 我的生活也随之被变得支离破碎。

45、on this last day I suddenly made up my mind that I could not live without being near you ,you were all the world to me .

46、it was in my mind to throw myself at you feet ,and beg you to keep me as you maid ,as slave .

47、tired out by the four steps as if I had been wading through deep snow for hours

48、I can assure you that there were no sensual longings in my mind,I was still ignorant ,just because I never thought of anything but you ,all wanted was to see you once more ,t cling to you .

49、I did not want to be warm ,lest I should fall asleep and miss your footstep.

50、again and again I had to stand up ,but I waited ,wanted for you ,as for my fate .

51、I softly opened the door ,meaning to run out ,to throw myself at you feet….,Idon’t know what I should have done in my frenzy .

52、I had no strength left to resist .

53、what can words help? All I know is that I shall be alone again ,there is notihng more terrible than to be alone among human beings .可这些话又有什么用呢?我知道我又得一个人生活,世界上在也没有比孤独地生活在一群人当中更可怕的事情了。

54、I did not wish to be happy , I did not wish to live content away from you .so I buried myself in a gloomy world of self torment and solitude.我不愿让自己高兴,当你不在身边的时候。我不希望自己能够过得快乐。我把自己封闭在那阴郁的小天地里。自己折磨自己,孤独地生活。

55、I would let nothing divert me from my passionate longing to live only for you .我不愿让任何事情使我分心,我只想在灵魂深处和你在一起。

56、sitting alone at home ,hour after hour and day after day .I did nothing but think of you ,turning over in my mind unceasingly my hundred petty memories of you ,renewing every movement and every time of waiting ,我一个人坐在家里,过了一个小时又一个小时,过了一天又一天,什么也不做,只是想你,我在脑海里把以往那成千上百件的小事翻来覆去地想个不停,回想起你的每一个动作,想起每一次想你的情形。

57、your every word was Holy Writ to me ,The world existed for me only in relationship to you .

你写的每一句话对我来说都是盛宴,整个世界就是因为你的存在才有了意义。

58、was now my only longing ,I wanted to give myself to you ._我唯一的念头就是把自己交给你。

59、my whole being was directed towards one end—back to vienna,back to you .我只想这一件事情,回维也纳,回到你的身边。

60、my stepfather was well-to-do ,and looked upon me as his daughter .

61、need I tell you ……还需要我告诉你吗?……

62、now that I was near you ,you who were my unending dream._我又靠近你——我永不停息的梦想

63、the instant the shutters were rolled down ,I flew to the beloved spot 等到商店的们关上,我就会飞奔到自己心爱的地方。

64、for then I know what I really wanted,I wanted to meet you ,I wanted you to recognise me after all these weary years ,to notice me ,to love you .

65、Twice I saw you with a woman ,and the fact that I was now awakened ,that there was something new and different in my felling towards you ,was discloseed by the sudden heartpang when I saw a strange woman walking confidently with you arm-in-arm,

66、I understand now (you have taught me!)that a girl’s or a woman’s face must be for a man something extraordinarily mutable .现在,我终于理解了(是你教我的!)对于一个男人来说,一个女人或者是一个女人的脸是经常变化的。

67、I felt that for the first time I had become alive for you .我突然感觉到自己第一次为你而活跃起来。

68、The hour grew late .——时间不早了

69、when you were sleeping beside me ,when I listen to your breathing ,touched your body ,and felt myself so near you ,I shed tears very happiness.

70、I felt myself sanctified by your touch ,and it would not have been possible for me then to accept any other man’caresses.我感觉自己的身体因为被你碰过而变得神圣,所以我不可能让其他人爱抚我的身体。

71、I know you better than you know yourself I know .我对你的了解超过了你对自己的了解。

72、the breath of freedom is the breath of life to you .对你来说,自由就像生命。

73、I was with chlid by you —我怀了你的孩子

74、Ikept the secret from you .

75、henceforward you could not escape me ,you were mine.这样你就再也不会从我身边溜走了,你是我的了。

76、never did I repent the nights when I enjoyed you love ,never did I cease to love you ,or to bless the hour when you came into my life ,were it necessary for me ,fully aware of what was coming ,to relive that time in hell ,I would do it gladly ,not once , but many times

77、It was my pride that I should never be a trouble to you ,should I have been hated by you .

78、one thing only ---on your birthday I have always sent you a bunch of white roses ,like the roses you gave after our first night of love .

79、sent the news home 

80、Dear one ,I am speaking to you from the darkness ,unashamed ,I will tell you ,Do not shrink from me ,I sold myself .I did not become a street-walker ,a commom prostitute,but I sold myslef .

81、every one to whom I gave myself was devoted to me ,They all become my grateful admirers,they all loved me ----except you .except you whom I loved.

82、you were the only one to whom my body could belong ,我的身体只属于你一个人

83、It was plain that you did not recognise me ,neither the child ,nor the girl of old days ,again ,to you ,I was a new acquaintance .

84、but what was his friendship ,what was my own life to me when compared with the chance of again feeling your lips on mine ,of again listening the tones of your voice,now that all is over and done wihen I can tell you this ,can let you know I love you ,I believe that were you to sunmon me from my death bed ,I should find strength to rise in answer to your call . 可跟能听到你的声音,能再次吻到你的双唇这件事相比,他的友谊,我自己的生活又算得了什么呢?让所以的一切结束吧,就这样结束吧,我只要你知道我是多么爱你,我相信,只要听到你的召唤,就算是躺在停尸床上,我也会找到力量重新站起来的,走到你的身边。

85、I had sent you the day before as a memento of the woman whom you did not remember ,whom you did not recognise ,not even now when she was you did not recognise ,not even now when she was close to you ,when you were holding her hand and your lips were pressed on hers .

86、you took me in you arms .你把我搂在怀里

87、you did not ask my name ,nor where I live ,to you Iwas ,as before ,a casual adventure ,a nameless woman ,an ardent hour which leaves no trace when it is over ,对你来说,跟以前一样,我只不过是一次随便的艳遇,一个没有姓名的女人,一段热情的时光,等这段时间过去之后,我所有的一切都会彻底消失,不留一丝痕迹。

88、I could hardly refrain from crying out ,I could hardly refrain from slapping your face ,you were paying me for the night I had spent with you ,me who had loved you since childhood ,me the mother of you son ,to you I was only a prostitute picked up at a dance-hall ,It was not enough that you should forget me ,you had to pay me ,and to debase me by doing so ? 我几乎忍不住叫出声来,差点想挥手给你一巴掌!你居然为了跟我睡一夜而付钱给我——我这个从小就爱你,甚至是你儿子的母亲,在你的心目当中,我只是一个偶然在舞厅遇到的妓女罢了,你总是忘记我,然道这样的羞辱还不够吗?然道你还要用付钱给我这种方式来羞辱我吗?

89、I hurried away ,for my eyes were filling with tears ,and I did not want you to see .

90、then, in this fugitive instant ,as I looked at him throught my tears ,a light suddenly flooded the old man’eyes ,In this fugitive instant ,I tell you ,he recognised me ,the man who had never seen me since my childhood ,I was so grateful ,that I could have kneeled before him and kissed his hands .I tore from my muff banknotes which you had scourged me ,and thrust them upon him ,he glanced at me in alarm -----for in this instant I think he understood more of me than you have understood in your whole life ,everyone has been eager to spoil me ,everyone had loaded me with kindness,but you ,only you,forgot me ,only you ,never recognised me .

91、shall I not be gald to die ,since I am dead to you ?Glad to go away ,since you have gone away from me ?既然,我对你来说就像死去一样,那我又为什么不高高兴兴地死去呢,既然,你已离我而去,那又为什么不高高兴兴地远远走开呢?

92、Death will be easy to me ,for you will not feel it from afar ,I could not die if death were going to give you pain .我不希望自己的死给你带来任何不快,如果我的死会让你痛苦的话,那我就咽不下去这口气。

93、I can not write any more ,farewell,dear one ,farewell,all my thanks go out to you .what happened was good ,in spite of everything 。我实在写不下去了,别了,亲爱的,别了,我感谢你,不管怎么说,过去发生的都是美好的。

                                                        2011-5-10

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