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美国空管真逗

(2010-06-17 11:16:13)
标签:

飞行员

空管

对话

杂谈

分类: 飞行人物与故事

Actual Exchanges Between Pilots and Control Towers:
 


Tower: "Delta 351, traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"

Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We all have digital watches on!"

 

塔台:“Delta 351,10点钟位置有交通状况,距离6英里

Delta 351: 劳驾再给我们一点提示!我们所有人都只有电子数字手表。

 

***********
Center: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right to 090."
 
TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

Center: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

 

中心:TWA 2341,为了减轻空中噪音,请向右转至90度飞行方向

TWA 2341:中心,我们的高度在35000英尺,这么个高度我们能给地面造成什么噪音?

中心:先生,请问您听过波音747撞到波音727时候发出的声响吗?

 

***********
From an unknown aircraft #15 and waiting for takeoff: "I'm f*cking bored!"

Ground Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f*cking bored, not f*cking stupid!"

一架尾号以15结尾的未知飞机做着起飞等待:“我真他妈无聊死了!”

地面控制:“刚才说话的飞机,请立即上报你的身份!”

未知飞机:“我是说我他妈的无聊透顶,不是他妈的傻子(还让你知道我是谁?)。”

 

**********
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, traffic Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."

芝加哥欧亥俄抵达控制控管对一架波音747说:“联合航空329,有架Fokker在你一点钟的位置,距离三英里,往东飞行。”

联合航空329:“抵达控制,有句话我放在心中很久一直没有机会说……我已发现一家小Fokker,控制在视线范围内。”

 

***********
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

一个飞行学员在做独立长距离飞行时迷了路。

空管在雷达上寻找这架飞机的位置,问了个常规问题:“你知道你上次能确认的位置在哪里?”

学员回答:“上次是在我排在第一个位置起飞。”

 

***********
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.

San Jose Tower: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights, and return to the airport."

 

一架DC10进场时候速度实在过快,在着陆以后,作了个超级长距离的滑行。

圣.何塞塔台:“美国航空751,如果能够做到,请在跑道终点做个朝右的急转弯。要不行,您不如在101高速公路的Guadeloupe出口出,好了。就是一点,记住在下一个交通红灯做个右转弯,然后请回到机场。”

 

***********
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7."

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7.
Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern. We've already notified our caterers."

 

塔台:“东航702,起飞批准,请用124.7联系离场控制空管。”

东航:“塔台,东航702换离场无线电频率。另外,我们刚从跑道进入空中时,看到跑道远端有动物死尸。”

塔台:“大陆航空635,起飞批准,请用124.7联系离场控制空管。你听到东航702的报告了吧。”

大陆航空635:“大陆航空635,起飞批准,收到。是,我们听到东航的报告,我们已经把这个消息告诉了提供我们食品的厨房。”

 

***********
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
 
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."

 

一天,一架切诺基180在塔台的要求下,等在跑道起飞等候线上,等待一架DC8降落。DC8降落,地滑,转身然后在切诺基身边滑行过去。有个搞笑油嘴滑舌的DC8机组人员,在无线电上说:“您的飞机真娇小玲珑,是不是您自个造的?”

 

切诺基飞行员,不肯白白收到这个侮辱,回了句很牛咔嚓的话:“没错,我用DC8的零部件给拼凑起来的。再要有架DC8降落起来跟您似的,我就能攒够零件再搭一架了。”

 

***********
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that a Pan Am 747 listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.

Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
 
Ground: "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
 
Speedbird 206: "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land."

 

德国法兰克福机场的空管们是出了名的急脾气。他们不仅要求飞行员们清楚自己停靠在哪个航站门,而且还要求飞行员们不需要他们的指挥帮助就能自己找到。一架泛美的747听到下面一段英航747(呼号为速鸟206)同法兰克福地面控制对话的时候,喷饭不止。

 

速鸟206:法兰克福,速鸟206,离开使用跑道。

地面控制:速鸟206,滑行至A17航站门。

 

英航747滑行上了主滑行道,然后缓缓进入停止状态。

 

地面控制:速鸟206,你这是往哪走呢?

速鸟206:地控,稍等,我在查找那个门的位置。

地面控制:速鸟206,你从前没来过法兰克福?

速鸟206:我来过,不过两次都是在1944年,都没有降落,因为地面上一片漆黑。

 

***********

While taxiing at London 's Gatwick Airport , the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming, "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"

 

一架美空航飞机在伦敦盖特威克机场滑行,准备起飞前往佛罗里达罗德代尔堡,机组驾驶人员转错一个弯道,发现自己跟一架美联航的727鼻子对鼻子对着。

 

一个怒气冲冲的女地控气急之下的朝美空航的机组驾驶发飚:美空航2771,你见鬼了不是,这是往哪走呢?我告你说右转上C滑行道,你却转上了D滑道。你给我停在那里。我知道你大概C跟D都分不清,但你在我这必须给我做对了。

 

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically,  "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

 

意犹未尽,似乎还没有羞辱够机组人员,她接着歇斯底里的大呼小叫,“天!现在可好,你把所有一切都搞乱了。要花我多少时间才能重新理顺啊。你给我站那,我不发话你就不准动!你给我等好了,至少半个小时以后再给你步进式的滑行指令。告诉你上哪,你就给我上哪,告诉你什么时候动就什么时候动,告诉你怎么动就怎么动。你记明白了,美空航2771?”

 

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

“好的,女士。”机组人员卑谦恭敬的回答。 

 

 Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking:
自然,地控跟美空航2771喉完这些,自己都觉得不好意思。 也没其他人敢去招惹余怒未消的地控。盖特威克机场里头每个驾驶舱里头的气氛都变得十分紧张。这时候,不知道是哪个飞行员打破了沉寂,点上麦克键,问了句:

 

"Wasn't I married to you once?"

“我跟你是不是曾经做过夫妻啊?”

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