I decide to marry myself before I turn into 26
A guarantee note posted on internet on March 4th has drawn great attention which states: I decide to marry myself out of my family before I turn into 26 years old. If I did not get married by then, I will voluntarily pack up and live on the street.
This is not a joke but a real story about a 24 year old kindergarden teacher, who failed to show up to participate in the blind date the mother arranges and wrote the note to satisfy her mother.
It seems the parents are more worried about their children’s lifetime event. My pity for the young girl but the parents’ worry is not foundationless. To find Mr or Ms right at the right time in the right place nowadays is not a easy job. It is a huge investment, in search time, in understanding time and in emotion. Most important of all, it is about trust. No one will make any investment without trust.
The whole society is suffering trust crisis which is affecting each Chinese individual life including the decision of marriage. Compared with males, females have more sense of insecurity about the marriage. Recently, a survey report prepared Jiayuan.com, the well known Chinese online dating website about Chinese marriage opinion in 2015 shows the post 90s generation is the most conservative among the 70s, 80s and 90s in flash marriage and sex. My assumption is that the high divorce rate of 80s, the safety issues exposed in their generation time, the failure marriage of their parents and etc have made it very difficult for the post 90s to trust. My prediction is that the post 90s will become a generation of late marriage and late child birth.
The quick development of the society has acclerated the rhythm of daily life and the time for leisure is greatly reduced. To invest lots of time to search for the right life long partner is a luxury to those over time working carrer women and men. The popularity of the internet dating webistes and the match making TV programs to a certain extent shows how much people prefer the time saving ways. However, the living example of the failures in flash marriage prove investment in search is necessary if not a must.+
Sacastically, the development of the internet,the internet and instant message gives great convenience for people to know each other but not the platform to have a first hand understanding of each other for the internet and instant message provides good cover to hide the true feeling and to find out who I am or who the other party is. I have no statistics to prove my assumption but internet love, more often than not, ends up with failure as the true you will not be revealed only after the face to face contact.
Another popular way for the unmarried to get married is through blind dates whether arranged by the worried parents, or a third party like relatives, friends or colleagues and etc. The problem is what the parents seek for from their future daughter in law or son in law is totally different from what their children are looking for from their future another half and blind dates more often than not end up with nothing going on. For the blind dates arranged by a third party, well, as the world is too busy and no one will care to dig deep as it is only a favor but not a personal business. Blind dates arranged by a third party will end at the very first meeting unless there is love at the first sight, the chance of which I really doubted.
It is reported recently that a girl got sick at blind dates after more than 20 times’ failuire in blind dates. At this moment, when the trust and time is what we are lacking, it is imaginable how difficult it is to find a good match. However, the marriage rate of the post 90’s generation is starting to increase as it is about time to get married for such a generation. I have no idea what will happen to the marriage of life of such a generation as the post 90’s genartion, psychologically, is not well prepared as far as I am concerned.
The quick development in service industry has made it possible for women to earn her own life without any help from the men side. The independence in economy gives more freedom to women in marriage decision and enhances the expectation of the future half and marriage. I’d rather stay single than to find some one who does not live up to my expectation and get married. Why I have to get married as I am now living a perfect life. Ideas like that are popular among the girls who reach the appropriate marriage age but choose not to get married because they just can not find the right one. However, life is realistic: to behave your age is not a cliche but a living experience. The facts that the parents are aging, the chance of child birth will become smaller and smaller as the age grows, marriage may become from an initiative selection to a passive choice and the idea you may stay single within the rest of your life may finally force the women to give up.
Time is limited and time is passing quickly. How to invest sufficient time to find the appropriate another half remains a mystery to the whole society.