Thanks to: SimpleSentiments.com Pembroke Pines Florida
Genre: Bar & Drinking Jokes

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk. "?

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"?

Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."?

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was a cripple."?

一个醉酒的人跌跌撞撞走在街上,一脚在街沿,一脚在沿街的排水沟里走.一个警察把他拉了起来,说,"我必须把你带进去,伙计,你显然是喝醉了."

我们这位烂醉的伙计问:"警官,你确定我喝醉了?"

"是的,伙计,我确定."警官说,"我们走吧?"

酒鬼舒了一口气,说,"感谢主,我以为我跛了呢."

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 (二)

Thanks to: someone Maryland Heights MO USA.

Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night, look at the moon."
The other drunk stops and looks at his drunken friend, "You are wrong. That's not the moon, that's the sun."
Both started arguing for a while when they came upon another drunk walking, so they stopped him. "Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?"
The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here."

二个醉酒的人一起回家.一个对另一个说,"多美的夜晚啊,你看那个月亮!"

另一个醉酒的停下来,看了看他那喝醉酒的朋友,"你错了.那不是月亮,是太阳."

二个人开始为此争论起来, 直到遇到另一个醉酒的人.于是他们拦住他,"先生,请帮我们评评理,告诉我们那个挂在天上发着光的是月亮还是太阳?"

Thanks to: Paulina A. Candia Santiago R. M. Chile

Harry had a bit of a drinking problem.
Every night, after dinner, he took off for the local watering hole, spent the entire evening there and arrived home, well inebriated, around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him for his constant nights out and his returned drunken state. But Harry continued his nightly routine. One day, the wife, distraught by it all, talked to a friend about her husband's behavior.The friend listened to her and then asked, "Why don't you treat him a little differently when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don't you give him some loving words and welcome him home with a kiss? He then might change his ways." The wife thought it was worth trying. That night, Harry took off again after dinner. Around midnight, he arrived home in his usual condition. His wife heard Harry at the door and let him in. This time, instead of berating him as she had always done, she took his arm and led him into the living room. She sat him down in an easy chair, put his feet up on the ottoman and took his shoes off. Then she went behind him and started to cuddle him a little. After a while, she said to him, "It's pretty late. I think we had better go upstairs to bed now, don't you?" At that, Harry replied in his inebriated state, "I guess we might as well. I'll get in trouble if I go home anyway!"

    亨利有一点酗酒的毛病.

    每天晚上,吃完晚餐,他就跑去小酒馆里喝酒,一直到半夜,才喝得醉酗酗地回来.他经常钥匙插不进锁孔,打不开门.他妻子总得帮他开门.进门后太太看见他一副醉态气得大喊大叫,而他仍是每晚照样去酒吧.