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酒鬼的故事集锦

(2009-11-16 14:40:02)
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分类: JOKE笑话
酒鬼的故事集锦
Thanks to: SimpleSentiments.com Pembroke Pines Florida
Genre: Bar & Drinking Jokes

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk. "?

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"?

Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."?

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was a cripple."?

一个醉酒的人跌跌撞撞走在街上,一脚在街沿,一脚在沿街的排水沟里走.一个警察把他拉了起来,说,"我必须把你带进去,伙计,你显然是喝醉了."

我们这位烂醉的伙计问:"警官,你确定我喝醉了?"

"是的,伙计,我确定."警官说,"我们走吧?"

酒鬼舒了一口气,说,"感谢主,我以为我跛了呢."


          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 (二)

Thanks to: someone Maryland Heights MO USA.

Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night, look at the moon."
The other drunk stops and looks at his drunken friend, "You are wrong. That's not the moon, that's the sun."
Both started arguing for a while when they came upon another drunk walking, so they stopped him. "Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?"
The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here."

二个醉酒的人一起回家.一个对另一个说,"多美的夜晚啊,你看那个月亮!"

另一个醉酒的停下来,看了看他那喝醉酒的朋友,"你错了.那不是月亮,是太阳."

二个人开始为此争论起来, 直到遇到另一个醉酒的人.于是他们拦住他,"先生,请帮我们评评理,告诉我们那个挂在天上发着光的是月亮还是太阳?"

那第三个醉鬼看看天空,又看看他们,说,"对不起,我不是住这里的."
              ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 (三)

Thanks to: Paulina A. Candia Santiago R. M. Chile

Harry had a bit of a drinking problem.
Every night, after dinner, he took off for the local watering hole, spent the entire evening there and arrived home, well inebriated, around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him for his constant nights out and his returned drunken state. But Harry continued his nightly routine. One day, the wife, distraught by it all, talked to a friend about her husband's behavior.The friend listened to her and then asked, "Why don't you treat him a little differently when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don't you give him some loving words and welcome him home with a kiss? He then might change his ways." The wife thought it was worth trying. That night, Harry took off again after dinner. Around midnight, he arrived home in his usual condition. His wife heard Harry at the door and let him in. This time, instead of berating him as she had always done, she took his arm and led him into the living room. She sat him down in an easy chair, put his feet up on the ottoman and took his shoes off. Then she went behind him and started to cuddle him a little. After a while, she said to him, "It's pretty late. I think we had better go upstairs to bed now, don't you?" At that, Harry replied in his inebriated state, "I guess we might as well. I'll get in trouble if I go home anyway!"

    亨利有一点酗酒的毛病.

    每天晚上,吃完晚餐,他就跑去小酒馆里喝酒,一直到半夜,才喝得醉酗酗地回来.他经常钥匙插不进锁孔,打不开门.他妻子总得帮他开门.进门后太太看见他一副醉态气得大喊大叫,而他仍是每晚照样去酒吧.

    为此,她妻子烦恼不已.一天,妻子和朋友说起丈夫的行径,朋友听了她的诉说,问她:"在他回家的时候,为什么不换一种方式对待他呢? 回来时不要打他,用亲吻来欢迎他,对着他说一些甜言蜜语,他也许就会改变了." 他妻子想这值得一试.那里晚饭后,亨利照样去了酒吧,到了半夜,又是醉酗酗地回来.妻子听到亨利在门口,就开门让他进来.这一次,她没有象往常一样打他,她扶着他的手臂来到客厅,让他在一把舒服的椅子上坐下,帮他脱了鞋,把脚放在脚凳上,然后她走到他身后轻轻帮他按摩. 过了一会儿,她说,"很迟了,我们最好上楼睡觉了,好吗?"  亨利迷迷糊糊地回答:"好吧,我回家的话又会有麻烦了!"

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