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游文锋原创范文: Report型作文剖析及范文

(2010-09-26 21:50:20)
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杂谈

分类: 雅思写作

2010年9月25日雅思作文真题:

A study shows lots of children aged between 7 and 11 spend too much time watching television and playing video games.  How do you think this problem affect the children, their families and the society?  What measures can be taken to solve it?

 

题目大意:研究表明,许多7至11岁的孩子花费太多的时间看电视和打电脑游戏。你认为这个问题会给孩子、其家庭以及社会带来什么样的影响?可以采取哪些措施来解决这个问题?

 

审题:该题目属于社会类话题,report型,即分析问题的影响并提出相应的解决办法。本文可以采用四段式的写法,文章布局如下:

 

开头段(Introduction): 背景+问题+打算  

 

主体段(Main Body): 分两段,其中第二段写effects,第三段写solutions,每段各列出两到三个分论点来支持。

 

Body 1  分析问题可能带来的影响(Effects)

影响一:个人   影响学习

                引起健康问题

影响二:家庭   缺乏沟通

                加深代沟

影响三:社会   恶化社会问题

                导致青少年犯罪

 

Body 2  提出解决办法  (Solutions)

建议一:鼓励孩子参加体育活动

建议二:家长限制看电视和打游戏的时间

 

结尾段(Conclusion): 结论+重申观点+建议

 

参考范文:

According to a recent study, a vast number of children aged between 7 and 11 spend an excessive amount of time either watching TV or playing video games. This problem may have some negative impacts on the children, their families as well as the society. The following essay intends to evaluate the effects and suggest some possible solutions to the problem.

 

第一段点评:开头段一般写三句话,字数50-60字,其主要作用是交代背景并提出问题,这里可以通过把作文题目的内容作适当改写来完成。另外,开头段的第三句话一般用来表明作者态度,由于该题目属于report型,没有要求考生表态,因此取而代之的是打算,即告诉读者这篇文章将如何进行讨论。

 

Spending too much time watching TV or playing video games can lead to some severe consequences. To begin with, there is a tendency for children to neglect their studies especially if they are addicted to them. This will, unfortunately, result in poor academic performance.It will also cause some health problems such as obesity, heart disease and high blood pressure due to a lack of exercise. Secondly, the isolation from their families could be another problem. Being indulgent in TV and video games, 7-11-year- olds are unaware of the importance of communication in their families, which may weaken the relationship with their parents and widen the generation gap. In addition, it will aggravate the social problems because some TV programs and video games contain some pornographic and violent contents, which should not be shown to young children. The appalling result is that an unrestricted exposure to these contents will be a contributing factor to bullying and juvenile delinquency.

 

第二段点评:主体段写7-10句,采用先总后分的结构,即段首句是主题句,概括整段大意,下面罗列两到三个分论点。这样写的好处在于不容易跑题偏题,而且层次分明。每个分论点后面带2-3个支持句,论证充分。雅思作文的论点不需要标新立异,关键在于能够自圆其说。也就是说,只要能给出相应的理由来解释说明分论点即可。根据这篇作文题目的要求,该段的分论点正好从个人、家庭和社会三个不同的角度来分析其影响。

 

Given the noticeable effects, some immediate measures must be applied in order to combat the problem. One way is to encourage children to participate in some healthy leisure activities. For example, if children play sports such as soccer, basketball and baseball, they can build their body and develop team spirit. Clearly, participation in some sports activities is far more rewarding than sitting in front of the TV box or computer. Another way is that parents should assume the responsibility to limit their children’s viewing hours and the hours they spend playing video games. Instead, parents can introduce some creative activities including painting, playing some musical instruments and joining some charity organizations. All of these can help children identify their interest and enrich their life experience.

 

第三段点评:该段采用总分总结构,通过举例、假设、对比等方式进行论证。因为考虑到该段只有两个分论点,故加入最后一句话作为段内小结。

 

To summarize, it is necessary to control the amount of time children spend on TV and video games. In order to tackle the problem, some effective measures like participation in sports and artistic events can be taken. Only by doing so can we ensure the healthy environment where children aged between 7 and 11 grow up.

 

第四段点评:结尾段写2-3句,总结全文,重申观点。注意不要在结尾段出现新的观点,也不要升华或抒情。

 

 

高分点拨:

 

一、TR(Task Response)任务完成情况:充分回应作文题目的要求,确保切题扣题,避免跑题偏题。这篇作文的讨论对象是7-11岁的孩子,而不是teenager。另外,题目要求分析对个人家庭和社会的影响,如果遗漏其中任何一项,将被视为漏题,即没有充分完成写作任务。如果考生把题目理解成分析孩子们为什么会花大量的时间看电视和打游戏的原因,那么这将会被判为偏题,分数将会是5分或以下。

 

二、CC(Coherence and Cohesion)连贯性: 通过使用一些连接词,例如to begin with, in addition, also, another, however, to summarize等, 来加强文章的连贯性和逻辑性。句子和句子之间要适当衔接,段落之间要注意过渡,承上启下,起承转合。

 

三、GRA(Grammatical Range and Accuracy)语法结构及准确性:展示语法结构的多样性和准确性,尽量避免语法错误和拼写错误。能够驾驭不同的句式,句子之间有所变化,主要使用各种从句和非谓语动词。文中用到的语法点包括:

1)  动名词作主语,如:Spending too much time watching TV or playing video games can lead to some severe consequences.

2)  if引导的条件状语从句,如:To begin with, there is a tendency for children to neglect their studies especially if they are addicted to them.

3)  插入语,如:This will, unfortunately, result in poor academic performance.

4)  排比句,如:It will also cause some health problems such as obesity, heart disease and high blood pressure due to a lack of exercise.

5)  分词作状语,如:Being indulgent in TV and video games, 7-11-year- olds are unaware of the importance of communication in their families, which may weaken the relationship with their parents and widen the generation gap. 又如:Given the noticeable effects, some immediate measures must be applied in order to combat the problem.

6)  非限制性定语从句,如:In addition, it will aggravate the social problems because some TV programs and video games contain some pornographic and violent contents, which should not be shown to young children.

7)  表语从句,如:The appalling result is that an unrestricted exposure to these contents will be a contributing factor to bullying and juvenile delinquency.

8)  倒装句,如:Only by doing so can we ensure the healthy environment where children aged between 7 and 11 grow up.

9)  where引导的定语从句,如:Only by doing so can we ensure the healthy environment where children aged between 7 and 11 grow up.

 

四、LR(Lexical Resource)词汇资源:展示词汇量的丰富和用词准确,加强同义词近义词替换,减少语义重复。例如:

1)impact, effect, consequence  影响

2)lead to, result in, cause  导致

3)solve, combat, tackle  解决;对付

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