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(2009-06-06 23:52:25)
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分类: 情感

Today is Saturday, this time, the result let me sad for a long time. Now seems to have an individual with, I don't think dorm on people. I always listen to, perhaps I did not good enough, no attraction. But I think a personal side can listen carefully to my ear, can clap my shoulder to encourage me, and that I did not come with me. Both the family and friends or a lover, as long as have a chest can rely on family, friends, in love over complain complained over there and play.

But I don't have anything in hundreds of miles, family, friends have own little happiness, but love also don't know in which corner of the waiting for me. Some things to say to listen to, who is willing to listen to? Want to cry, little man but still so crying. Thanks to dormitory will leave me alone, nothing can be humiliated. Want to cry to cry, the man cry is bad but also not sin.

The reason is very simple things, expecting the sleep yesterday morning, pack up happy didn't eat breakfast, start to the square of the Thai restaurant try one day. Hsin-huang Results after the met their office, they heard that is not a summer job said, called the beautiful female manager let me listen to the female managers. Imagine what results - I expecting the morning just spilled all over me without my cold said. The manager said was watching my female students understanding I intend to keep the first, blame me with everyone say summer jobs. But I think that they are born of summer, otherwise she why let me try? I hate that break the bad old man, I, I, I how he can use the money you despise me look, but you can't do this to me, you can make me, I didn't see a day not force you to me, then I am not fit to the I quit! Why so hit people. Don't blame me malicious, no good result curse you home. I still cannot too honesty summarized, not your honesty will have good results, the reality is cruel.

When I encourage conceived of dining-room, the smile of the seat sit upon distance. If the restaurant at the window? I won't sad. Bear Now, just call who talk, family? Don't let them worry about me. A friend? In their hearts that may be a piece of cake, would say I make a mountain out of a molehill. Brother? He is to make a phone call past a few words of comfort slightly and hurried to hang up the phone. The uncle is still can think, send messages to let him drink, and invited me to dinner of the outlet: nothing. As shutdown, but again afraid to hear my call family shutdown and worry.

Can't cheer up just back. According to its rules of metro ceaselessly, beside me drive through the cool wind left. The subway will always, I am no exception, but the feeling is more complicated. I'll never face low head, afraid of being seen. The subway station, not stand in the enjoyment of wind, and there was the wind is the most comfortable. Eyes closed imagined that the wind mixed with gardenia fragrance, and pitched in a bad mood ran to the winds.

After a while, the subway to make public, sat slumped in back seat, legs and sit on the head on the window. In many more oblivious to want something insignificant. What do think about yourself, unknowingly felt hungry.

Think of how to orgies, inner feelings. It is open to eat, eat to support a day, can hold in food. Buy a 10 jins moved back to the dormitory, the watermelon and go to the dining room playing a component of the food for the big eat regardless of the image. Return to dormitory is opened up, eat watermelon tit-bit eat, eat just rest and eat, anyhow this afternoon I have put him off. Woo ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sitting in the dorm watching TV, Internet, running eat watermelon, mood and no good point, thought today's course, and this again tomorrow to test the book, not so much that first night into bed again after a good cry will forget it.

(今天是周六,本来该开心的,结果让我难过了好久。此刻好像有个人陪,空荡的宿舍里没有我所想依靠的人。I MISS YOU一直在听,或许我不够好没有什么优点,没有能吸引人的地方。可是我多想身边有个人能认真的听我唠叨,能拍拍我的肩鼓励我,而那个人不是我叫过来陪我的。不管是家人朋友亦或者是爱人,只要有个胸膛可以靠靠,在朋友家人那边抱怨抱怨,在爱人那边撒撒娇。

可是我什么都不可能拥有,家人在几百里之外,朋友都有着自己的小小幸福,而爱人还不知道在哪个角落等待着我。有些事能说给谁听呢,谁又愿意听呢?想哭,虽是小男子汉可是还是那么的爱哭。幸亏宿舍就留下我一个人,没有什么可丢脸的。想哭就哭吧,男人哭是不好但也不是罪。

事情的缘由很简单,昨天满怀期待的睡下了,今早开心的起床收拾好自己,没吃早饭就出发去德基广场的泰煌餐厅试做一天。结果去了之后遇到了他们的办公室的人,他们听说是暑期工就说不要了,打了个电话给漂亮的女经理结果女经理就让我听电话。可想而知结果是什么——我满怀期待的跑过去大清早的就泼了我一身冷水说不用我了。那女经理说本来看我学生体谅我打算瞒着先用的,怪我跟每个人都说是暑期工。可是我以为她们那家店是收暑期生的,要不她干嘛让我去试试呢。我恨死那个破老头了这样的坏我的事,我怎么他了我,你有钱可以用不屑的眼神看我,但你不能这么对我,你可以让我做一天看看,我又没非逼着你要我,然后再以我不合适把我辞了啊,干嘛如此的打击人。别怪我狠,诅咒你们家没有好结果。还有我总结出人不能太老实,不是你老实就会有好结果的,现实总是那么的残酷。

当时我勉怀微笑的走出餐厅,瘫坐在不远处的座椅上。当时想如果那家餐厅有窗户我会不会难过的想不开呢。此刻,只想打个电话给谁聊聊,家人?不想让他们为我担心。朋友?在他们心里这可能是小事一桩,搞不好还会说我小题大做。哥哥?打电话过去他只是稍稍安慰了几句就匆匆挂了电话。还能想到的就是大叔了,发信息让他请我吃饭喝酒解愁,结果等来的什么都没有。好像关机啊,但又怕家人打电话来听到我关机而担心。

没办法鼓起精神就往回赶。地铁按着它的规则不停地驶着,在我身边走过留下阵阵清凉的风。地铁里的人们总是行色匆匆,而我也不例外,但是这次感觉更加的复杂。我就哭丧着脸低着头,害怕被别人看到。下了地铁没有出站,站在那享受那里的阵阵风,那里的风是最舒服的。闭上眼想象着那风中夹杂着栀子花的香味,顷刻间坏心情跑到了九霄云外。

过了一会儿,走出地铁去做公交,瘫坐在后排座位上,抱腿而坐头倚在窗户上。心里一片茫然想了很多多无关紧要的东西。想想自己还能干什么呢,不知不觉间觉得肚子饿了。

想到了,想到该如何排遣自己内心的难受了。那就是放开来大吃一天,要吃到撑死,撑得不能再进食物。买来一个十多斤的西瓜搬回宿舍,然后去食堂打了一份分量足足的饭菜不顾形象的大吃起来。回到宿舍就剖开西瓜大吃起来,大口大口的吃着,吃不下就休息一会儿接着吃,总之这个下午我得把他解决掉。呜呜~~~~~

坐在宿舍看看电视,跑来上上网,吃着西瓜,心情并没有好点,心想今天就自生自灭吧,明天再重新振作,该看看书了,要考试了先不想那么多了,晚上躲进被窝再好好哭一场就忘了吧。)

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