Nothing Less Than Perfect
By Dahlynn McKowen

    I have the firm belief that brothers were put on this earth to torment1 their sisters. As the oldest child, I have three younger siblings2—my brother, Cory, who is three years my junior, and two sisters. I also have a “surrogate3” older sibling, my mother’s youngest brother, Bruce. Although he was my uncle, Bruce was only a few years older than me, and we played together, laughed together and practically grew up together. Thus, in my mind, I have two brothers.

 

    Our family loves camping, and we took many trips to Burney Falls Memorial State Park, just south of Mt. Shasta in Northern California. My grandparents, along with Bruce, joined us for these trips where we would spend entire days fishing Lake Britton and Hat Creek, topped off4 in the evenings with wonderful family fish-fries.

 

    As the overachiever5 of our family, I always thought myself to be perfect at everything, including fishing.

 

    But my “brothers” set out to prove me otherwise. While fishing on Hat Creek, Bruce and Cory began teasing me about everything, from my fishing ability to whether or not I stuffed6 socks in my bra7 all within earshot8 of the other fishermen. Now, the fishing jabs were okay, but the bra comments crushed9 me because they were not true (at age thirteen, I was also an overachiever in the puberty10 department).

 

    I tried my best to ignore them, but they continued the torment. Finally, to throw them off, I threw them a challenge.

 

    “Okay,” I yelled, “whoever catches the biggest fish gets to be waited on the rest of the day!”

 

    “You’re on!” said Bruce, adding, “But the loser has to clean all the fish!”

 

    My heart dropped to my stomach. The only thing I had not accomplished in my many years of fishing was controlling my nose; the smell of a fish being sliced11 and gutted12 always made me nauseated13. I would usually release a fish so I didn’t have to clean it, or I would sweet-talk14 my father or grandfather into cleaning my catch.

 

    “Well, you game?” chided15 Cory.

 

    At a loss for words, and with all the other fishermen hanging on my bated16 breath, I nodded in agreement. The competition was on!

 

    From that point everything was a blur17. I was so nervous about the possibility of having to clean a fish—a skill that every great fisherman possessed, except me—that I couldn’t concentrate on my fishing. All the while, Bruce and Cory were in cahoots18 as they worked the hole; they usually released their catch, but they were now loading up their stringers with as many fish as possible! Ugh! More fish to clean! It appeared that Bruce’s counter-challenge was going to haunt me forever.

 

    Lost in my own Twilight Zone episode, my line jerked19 me to reality. Fish on!

 

    I worked the fish, finally landing my prized catch. A fisherman came over and helped me pick it up—the fish was huge! I can’t remember the exact size, but it was bigger than anything my two brothers caught. I had won the challenge, and my secret was safe.

 

    Bruce and Cory were crushed at first. Then, after an impromptu20 but very loud conversation, they agreed to clean my fish plus all the fish they had caught. Not trusting their snickering21, I stuck around for the cleaning, but at a safe, nonsmelling distance.

 

    They cleaned their entire catch first, without too much fanfare22; then it was time to clean my prize. Bruce was on his haunches23 with his back to me, and Cory was looking over his shoulder. Suddenly, Cory jumped back and with horror in his voice, yelled, “OH MY GOD!” Bruce groaned and fell backward on his butt.

 

    I was terrified that Bruce had hurt himself with the knife, or worse, had sliced his finger off. I ran to help, but when I got there, Bruce flung24 the fish into my face and squished25 fish guts26 on me.

 

    “Gross27!” I screamed, madly trying to wipe the blood and innards28 off me. I thought I was going to be sick. Laughing so hard they were in tears, Bruce and Cory finished cleaning the fish, talking loudly about how yummy29 everything looked and throwing more guts at me. It was then I realized they knew my secret—I wasn’t perfect after all. It was one of the best lessons my brothers ever taught me.

 

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1. torment [tɔ:'ment] v. 折磨

2. sibling ['sibliŋ] n. 兄弟；姐妹

3. surrogate ['sʌrəɡit] n. 代理；代理人

4. top off v. 结束；完成

5. overachiever ['əuvərə'tʃi:və] n. 成就比预期更大的人

6. stuffed 塞满了的

7. bra [brɑ:] n. 乳罩

8. earshot ['i(ə)r,SHät] n. 听力所及之范围

9. crush [krʌʃ] vt. 压碎；碾碎

10. puberty ['pju:bəti] n. 青春期

11. slice [slais] v. 切(片)

12. gut [ɡʌt] v. 取出内脏

13. nauseated ['nɔ:zieitid] adj. 作呕的；厌恶的

14. sweet-talk ['swi:t,tɔ:k] v. 奉承

15. chide [tʃaid] v. 斥责；责骂

16. bate [beit] vt. 抑制

17. blur [blə:] n. 污点；模糊

18. cahoots [kə'hu:ts] v. 与……共谋

19. jerk [dʒə:k] vt. 猛拉

20. impromptu [ɪm'prɒm(p)tju:] adj. 即席的

21. snicker ['snikə] n. 窃笑

22. fanfare ['fænfɛə] n. 吹牛

23. haunch [hɔ:ntʃ] n. 腰部；臀部

24. fling [fliŋ] vt. 猛投；掷

25. squish [skwiʃ] vt. 压扁；压烂

26. guts [ɡʌts] n.内脏，肠子

27. gross[ɡrəus] adj. 令人恶心的；令人讨厌的

28. innards ['inədz] n. 内脏

29. yummy ['jʌmi] n. 美味

 

近乎完美

                                                                  ■ 雷蕾  编译

    我一直都坚信，男孩子是为了欺负女生，才来到这个世上的。我是家里最大的孩子，有三个比我小的弟妹，弟弟叫科律，比我小三岁，另外还有两个妹妹。此外，我还有一个代理的长兄，布鲁斯，他是我母亲最小的一个弟弟。虽然我理应叫他叔叔，但他却只比我大几岁，我们一起玩耍，一起嬉戏，一起长大。因此，我早已在心里认定自己有两个兄弟了。

 

    我们一家人很喜欢野营, 位于北加利福尼亚萨斯塔山南部的柏雷佛国家纪念公园是我们的常去地。通常，祖父母和布鲁斯也会加入我们的行列。我们会花一整天的时间在布雷敦湖或帽溪湖边垂钓，到了晚上，我们便会聚在一起，享受自家烹制的鲜美的炸鱼块。 

 

    作为兄弟姐妹中出色的一个，我总认为自己在各方面都很拿手，包括钓鱼。

 

    然而，我的两个“兄弟”却开始考验起我来。在帽溪湖钓鱼的时候，他们便开始取笑我的一切，关于我的垂钓技术；以及我是否在胸罩中塞进了袜子，这些都被周围的钓鱼者听得一清二楚。现在，对于取笑我的垂钓技术，我倒不怎么在意了，但是，关于胸罩的讨论却几乎要让我崩溃了，因为那根本就是些胡言乱语，想想，我才十三岁，还正处于青春期呢。

 

    我尽力不去理会他们说什么，但是，他们却继续攻击我。最后，为了摆脱折磨，我提出要和他们一比高下。

 

    “好啊！”我大叫道, “谁抓到了最大的鱼，谁就可以在余下的时间休息。”

 

    “好，就这样说定了。”布鲁斯回应道，“谁输了谁就得清洗所有的鱼。”

 

    我的心猛地一沉，钓了这么多年的鱼，我一直克服不了的就是我的鼻子，解剖鱼时所散发出的味道一直都让我感到恶心。通常，为了免于清洗，我会把钓到手的鱼放生，或是说服父亲或祖父帮我清洗。

 

    “你来和我们斗？”科律指责道。

 

    因为说漏了嘴，在所有的渔民屏息静听之时，我只好点头表示同意，于是一场挑战便上演了。

 

    从那一刻起，一切都成了一个谜。我当时非常紧张，害怕自己可能会要清理鱼。其实，除我之外每个钓鱼者对这个都非常在行。想到这些，我就无法集中精力钓鱼了。布鲁斯和科律捕鱼时，一直在谋划着什么。他们平常都会放掉钓到的鱼，但今天，他们却努力让更多的鱼上钩。“啊，要清洗的鱼变得越来越多啦！”布鲁斯的挑战似乎使我感到很不安。

 

    我迷失在自己的世界中，突然，鱼竿猛地一扯，把我拉回到了现实中，鱼上钩啦。

 

    我把这条最终使我取胜的鱼弄上了岸。一个渔民走过来帮我把鱼拉上来，这条鱼很大，确切的大小已记不清了，但它比我两个兄弟捕获的任何一条都要大，我赢得了挑战，我的秘密也就无人知晓了。

 

    布鲁斯和科律起初感到非常的意外，但经过一会儿即兴而大声的交谈后，他们终于同意清理所有的鱼，包括我所捕获的在内。因为怀疑他们又有什么诡计，我便站在那儿，监督他们的清理工作，不过为了避免那种令人恶心的气味，我离得很远。

 

    正如他们所保证的一样，他们清洗完了自己所捕获的鱼，这下该轮到我的了。布鲁斯背对着我，而科律蹲在他对面，可以穿过他的肩膀清楚地看到我。突然，科律转过身，惊恐地大叫道：“啊，我的天啦！”布鲁斯呻吟着，被他撞了个人仰马翻。

 

    布鲁斯不小心用刀弄伤了自己，还割到了指头，把我给吓坏了。我赶忙跑过去帮忙，一到那，他却猛地往我身上扔鱼，还把鱼内脏黏到我身上。

 

    “恶心！”我尖叫着，发疯似地试图将那些鱼血和内脏挡开，我感觉自己要吐了。布鲁斯和科律却笑得前仰后翻，他们已经将鱼清洗完了，正一边大声地谈论着鱼的鲜美味道，一边向我扔内脏。那时我才意识到，我的秘密一定是被他们发现了。其实我离完美还差得远呢！这是我从兄弟那里学到的最有用的一课。

 

                                                                 （转载请注明出处，谢谢）