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To Be a Better friend

(2010-09-18 18:31:49)



分类: 学位英语课文






Back when we were kids, the hours spent with friends were too numerous to count. There were marathon telephone conversations, all-nigh studying and giggling sessions. Even after boyfriends entered the picture, our best friends remained irreplaceable. And time was the means by which we nurtured those friendships. Now as adult women we never seem to have enough time for anything. Husbands, kids, careers and avocations--all require attention; too often, making, time for our friends comes last on the list of priorities. And yet, ironically, we need our friends as much as ever in adulthood. A friendship network is absolutely crucial for our well-being as adults. We have to do the hard work of building and sustaining the network and forging close,instead of superficial,alliances. Here are some important ways for accomplishing this.
Let go of your less central friendships

    Many of our friendships were never meant to last a lifetime. It's natural that some friendships have time limits. Furthermore, now everyone has a busy social calendar, so pull back from some people that you don't really want to draw close to and give the most promising friendship a fair chance to grow.

Be willing to "drop everything" when you're truly needed

    You may get a call from a friend who is really depressed over a certain problem when you are just sitting down to enjoy a romantic dinner with your husband. This is just one of those instances when a friend's needs mattered more. Sometimes, because of our unbreakable commitments or other circumstances, we simply can't give a needy friend the time we'd like. If you can't be there at that given moment, say something like, "I wish I could be with you--I can hear that you're in pain. May I call you tomorrow?" Be sure your friend knows she's cared about.

Take advantage of the mails

    Nearly all of us have pals living far away--friends we miss very much. Given the limited time available for visits and the high price of phone calls, writing is a fine way to keep in touch--and makes both sender and receiver feel good. Besides, letters, cards and postcards have the virtue of being tangible--friends can keep them and reread them for years to come.

Risk expressing negative feelings

    when time together is tough to come by, it's natural to want the mood during that time to be upbeat. And many people fear that others will think less of you if you express the negative feelings like anger and hurt. Remember honesty is the key to keeping a friendship real. Sharing your pain will actually deepen a friendship.

Don' t make your friends' problems your own

    Sharing your friend's grief is the way you show deep friendship. But taking on your friend's pain doesn't make that pain go away. There's a big difference between empathy or recognizing a friend's pain, and overidentification, which makes the sufferer feel even weaker-"I must be in worse pain than I even thought, because the person I' m confiding in is suffering so much!" Remember troubled people just need their friends to stay grounded in their own feelings.

Understand that long-turn friendship wax and wane

    Long-term friendship are similar to marriage in that there will be both periods of excitement and dullness. Your friends and you might be out of touch for a year or more because things get so hurried nowadays. But understand that if you need each other, you'll be there for each other as much as you can.

Never underestimate the value of loyalty.

    Loyalty has always been rated as one of the most desired qualities in friends. True loyalty can be a fairly subtle thing. Some people feel it means that, no matter what, your friend will always take your side. But real loyalty is being accepting the person, not necessarily of certain actions your friend might take.

Give the gift of time as often as time allows

    Time is what we don' t have nearly enough of ---and yet, armed with a little ingenuity, we can make it to give it to our friends. The trick is remembering that a little is better than none and that you can do two things at once. For instance, if you both go for a weekly aerobics, go on the same day. If you both want to go on vocation, schedule the same destination.

The last but not the least thing to keep a friendship alive is to say to your friends "I miss you and love you." Saying that at the end of a phone conversation, or a visit, or writing it on a birthday card, can sustain your friendship for the times you aren't together.



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