加载中…
个人资料
lindsay
lindsay
  • 博客等级:
  • 博客积分:0
  • 博客访问:2,015
  • 关注人气:1
  • 获赠金笔:0支
  • 赠出金笔:0支
  • 荣誉徽章:
相关博文
推荐博文
正文 字体大小:

Four  IAN, A FLATMATE

(2010-06-18 10:15:34)
标签:

杂谈

Four


IAN, A FLATMATE

Ian, 室友

If I can stop one heart from breaking,

如果我能让阻止一颗心灵破碎,

I shall not live in vain;

我就不会活在虚无中

If I can ease one life the aching,

如果我能减轻一个生命的疼痛,

or cool one pain,

或者平息他的痛苦,

Or help one fainting robin

Unto his nest again,

或者帮助一只晕厥的知更鸟再次回到它的鸟巢

I shall not live in vain.

我就不会活在虚无中

EMILY DICKINSON



Part I


A LOVE HAUNTING

爱情的苦恼

 

When I was twenty-three I had a flatmate I barely knew. He was a student, eighteen, very quite — he never really participated in the life of the house. There was another flatmate, Simon, my age. Our gentle tenant, Ian I’ll call him, had just broken up traumatically with a woman of twenty-eight. He was still desperately, obsessively in love. He stayed mostly in his room.

我23岁的时候有一个不太熟的室友. 他是个学生,18岁,非常安静 — 他从未真正参与过公寓的生活。另外一个室友,Simon,和我一样年纪。我们温和的室友,我叫他Ian,刚和一个28岁的女人痛苦地分手。他仍然孤注一掷地,着魔地陷在爱里。他大部分时间都待在他的房间里。

     Simon and I got on with our lives; we were starting our careers, work consumed our lives.

     Simon和我继续着我们的生活;我们的事业都刚起步,工作消耗着我们的生命。

     On the first day of spring, a Sunday, Ian drove me around his childhood haunts — home, school, his old corner shop, that kind of thing. He was chatty and buoyant, perhaps things were looking up. When we returned he went to his room. That evening he left for another drive. ‘See you later,’ he said as he went out the door.

     第一个春日,是个星期天,Ian开车载我去他小时候经常出没的地方—家,学校,街角的商店,诸如此类的。他健谈而快活,也许事情已经好转了。我们回到住的地方,他就回房了。那天晚上他又开车出去了一次。“一会见,”他出门的时候这么说。

     The police came to us several hours afterwards. Ian had hung himself in the grounds of his girlfriend’s house.

     几个小时以后警察来找我们。Ian吊死在他女友的房子前。

     On his bed he’d left a tableau of childhood photos, music certificates and report cards. There was a note at their centre, ‘I love S...forever.‘ His writing was like a child’s.

     在他的床上留下了他小时候舞台剧的照片,音乐证书和成绩单。在这些东西中间是一张纸条,“我爱S...直到永远。”他的笔迹看起来就像是个小孩子。

     When his father came around the next day, pale with bewilderment, I saw he knew very little about his only son and was desperate to understand. Simon and I weren’t really able to help. I still feel guilty about that; that I hadn’t given Ian more of my time.

     第二天,他父亲来了,苍白的脸上充满困惑,看起来他对他的独子知之甚少但却渴望了解他。Simon和我并不能真的帮上什么忙。我仍然对没有拿出更多的时间陪伴Ian感到内疚。

     For someone who’d touched my life so lightly, he’s haunted it ever since. Why did he do it? Obsession, infatuation, the fire and volatility of youth, I guess. He was bound by desire, in a consumingly negatively way — and in failed love can lie the weeds of mad actions and destruction.

    他是我生命里的匆匆过客,但是他自此萦绕在我心头。他为什么这么做?着魔,迷恋,年轻人火气大,情绪不稳定,我猜。他被欲望用一种强烈的,负面的方式所捆绑 — 失败的爱情能埋下疯狂行径和毁灭的种子。

      I know. I have been there. Several years after Ian’s death I almost threw myself out  a window over a man I had been going to marry. It took my parents and some very good friends a long while — three years — to haul me back into optimism.

     我明了,我也曾尝到那种滋味。Ian去世的几年以后,为了一个将要和我结婚的男人,我几乎要把自己从窗口扔出去。我父母和一些好朋友花了很长一段时间 — 三年 — 才把我拽回到乐观的情绪中。

      I’m much more practical about romantic love now; I’m no longer an avid fan. It’s such a transient, delusional, debilitating concept. It can take possession of your life and your senses.

      现在,我对浪漫的爱情实际多了。我不再是一个热切的崇拜者。浪漫的爱情是一个短暂的,让人产生幻觉的,消弱人的力量的概念。它占有你的生活和判断力。

      But usually only once. Relationships following the Big One are often shrewder, calmer, more realistic — and more healthy because of that. The lovers who embody the passion I once aspired to are Heathcliff and Cathy. In a scene in Wuthering Heights, where Heathcliff embraces dying Catherine — the love of his life — Emily Bronte writes that there were ‘four distinct impressions left, blue in the colorless skin’. That sounds painful, and in these relationships there’s a lot of pain.

      但是这种情况只出现一次。在现实利益指导下的关系往往更精明,更冷静,更务实—也因此更为健康。体现了我渴望的激情的恋人是Heathcliff和Cathy。呼啸山庄中的一个场景,Heathcliff抱住垂死的Catherine—他一生的爱—Emily Bronte这样写到“喜怒哀乐全部消失,唯留毫无血色的肌肤上的青紫”。这听起来让人感到疼痛,事实上确实有很多的痛苦存在于这种关系中。

      Passion craves quietness, security, calm — states hard to attain in romantic love. And sometimes, as the worm turns, hurting is a way of holding someone. Suicide can be a way of hurting. Why did Ian choose to stain his lover’s future so much? Isn’t true love a desire for the other person’s happiness?

      激情渴望得到安宁、安全感、平静 — 这些都难以在浪漫的爱情中实现。有些时候,当某些强烈而无法驱逐的情绪出现的时候,伤害成了留住某人的一种方法。自杀是伤害的一种方式。为什么Ian选择这样玷污他爱人的未来?真爱不就是希望对方能够得到快乐吗?

      Why did I want to do it? Among other things, to stamp my fiancé's life forever with the memory of what he’d done to me. I thought, once, there was something so passionate and brave about what Ian had done. Now I just wish he’d grown up and known other women — journeyed to a point where he could look back  and laugh. I wonder, years later, if he could reflect on his actions he’d think, ‘Damn it, why did I do it? For her?’

     我为什么想这么做?在其他事情中,选择用我未婚夫的对我所做的事情的回忆给他的生活永远打上烙印。仅仅一次,我原以为Ian所做的事情如此的充满激情以及勇敢。而现在我只希望他长大,认识其他的女人 — 停留在一个他回头去看过去会发笑的时间点。 我猜,这么多年过去了,他是否能把所想的事情反映到行动,“天啊,我为什么这么做?就为了她?”

       I suspect he would.

       我猜他会这么想。

       And that breaks my heart.

       而这让我心碎。


0

阅读 评论 收藏 禁止转载 喜欢 打印举报/Report
  • 评论加载中,请稍候...
发评论

    发评论

    以上网友发言只代表其个人观点,不代表新浪网的观点或立场。

      

    新浪BLOG意见反馈留言板 电话:4000520066 提示音后按1键(按当地市话标准计费) 欢迎批评指正

    新浪简介 | About Sina | 广告服务 | 联系我们 | 招聘信息 | 网站律师 | SINA English | 会员注册 | 产品答疑

    新浪公司 版权所有