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Part IV     AND WHO ARE YOU?

(2010-06-04 10:53:30)
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杂谈

Part IV


AND WHO ARE YOU?

你是谁?


Not only has the age been reached where I’m no longer noticed as I walk by a building site, but the age has been reached where a person leads me by the elbow as I pass through a door. It happened just this morning. Crikey, and I’m not even forty.

我的年龄不只是到了经过一座建筑物也不会被注意到的地步,而是到了当我要穿过一道门会有人走过来扶住我的手肘引领我的田地. 这件事今早就发生了.哎呀,我还40未满呢.

But you know, with the age of invisibility has come the age of relaxing. And that has meant the most satisfying sex of my life.

但是你知道,被忽视的年龄之后就是放松的岁月.那意味着我生命中最另人满意的性生活.


Because I’ve finally accepted who I am — and that there are some things about my body that are never going to change. So I might as well just...enjoy. The stomach’s no longer sucked in as I undress for a man. Covers are no longer dived under before all the imperfections can be glimpsed. I no longer beg for the lights to be turned off. No longer angle myself during sex as if I’m viewing the scene from the ceiling and directing myself into the most flattering positions.

因为最终我接受了我是谁--而关于我身体的一些事情将永远不会改变. 因此我也就...享受它. 当我为男人脱掉衣服的时候我再也不会收腹. 不会在所有缺点被瞥到前,就钻到被子里.我不再请求把灯关掉. 在做爱的时候不再把我的身体拗成角度,就象我从天花板看下来,引导我自己在最漂亮的姿势.

 

I was scarred early on by a lover who always checked out partners for their so called ‘fatability factor‘ — their ability to run to fat in old age. ‘The mother’s figure is always noted,’he explained. For a long time I hated the way I looked. (A tip for men: I eventually found a boyfriend who taught me to love my body. With his beautifully encouraging words I unknotted — he unlocked my sexuality. I began to enjoy making love. Before him I’d seen myself as just a catalogue of imperfections, but he cherished the female form for all its wondrous individualities and I’ll never forget his spirit of generosity.)

早先,我被一个总是检查伴侣的"肥胖指标" — 她们老了之后变胖的可能性的爱人吓到了. "母亲的身材总是应该被注意到,"他解释. 有很长一段时间我恨自己的样子.(给男人的撇步;我最终找到一个教会我爱自己身体的男朋友.在他优美的鼓励言辞下我被松绑了-- 他不再锁住我的性欲. 我开始享受做爱.在认识他之前,我认为自己就是一个各种缺点的目录, 但是他珍视女性形体的所有令人惊叹的独特性.我永远也不会忘记他心灵的慷慨.)


You see, once upon a time I was a prisoner in my body, overwhelmed by its refusal to conform to the ideal of womanhood in magazines. Now—I’ve been freed. And lo and behold, I feel more womanly than ever. ‘One of the signs of passing youth is the birth of a sense of fellowship with other human beings as we take our place among them,’ Virginia Woolf wrote. And a sense of fellowship with oneself. I’m not so hard on me any more. I am no longer constantly criticizing and, hallelujah, no longer seeing the body as merely a catalogue of imperfection — but as a catalogue of womanliness.

你看,有一段时间我是自己身体的囚徒, 拒绝遵照杂志中的理想的成年女性期使我不知所措.现在,我自由了. 现在,看哪,我觉得比以往更有女人味了. "不再年青的标志之一就是当我们在他们中找到自己的位置时产生了和其他人类的交情," Virginia Woolf 这样写到. 也是和自己的一种友谊.我不再苛求自己. 我不再经常批评自己, 哈利路亚, 不再只把我的身体当作缺陷目录—而是作为女性气质的索引.


So here I am, revelling in the age of invisibility.

因此,我在这里,陶醉于被隐形的年纪。


Because with it has come the age of confidence.

因为接踵而来的是自信的年纪。


Light heart is a wonderful armoury for living.

明亮的心是生活中令人惊叹的宝库。

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