Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child

Robert J Mackenzie

从读过的所有育儿书籍，除了了解了孩子的共性，同时我更多地了解了自己。读这本<给你的倔强孩子(Strong-Willed) 划定疆界>，有一个重大发现，我就是一个Strong-Willed Child！！！这个发现让我有些震惊。读了这本书，我更理解自己一些，在自助方面会有更明确的思路。

Strong-Willed ，一般人也可以管它叫顽固，英文字面意思是有很强的个人意志。作者把孩子分成两个类别，一种是Strong-willed，另一种就是合作型的--这些孩子内心的愿望靠合作来达成满足。而Strong-Willed Child收集数据、理解世界的程序和合作型的孩子是不同的，他们要学习非常确实的东西。他们需要不停地测试：如果我不服从会怎样？所以，怎么样更有效率地为这种孩子设定界限，才能教会他更有效的合作。

从另一个角度想，其实每个人研究世界的逻辑、学习的过程和方法取向不同。在研究孩子的每一个过程中，我发现了自己。真是奇妙的事情。 

吴QQ属于合作型的孩子，但每个人都有很多侧面，而且孩子的共同日常“工作” 就是test limits--测试边界。所以，

下面是这本书的一些精华摘抄

To them, stop is just theory. They want to know what what will happen if they don't stop.

They require a lot of hard data before he's convinced that I mean business. My boys conduct their research differently, and I've learned to adjust my signals accordingly.

When your words are consistent with your actions, your child will begin to tune in to your words and take them seriously. When our words don't match our actions, children learn to ignore our words and base their beliefs on what they experience (what they see, hear, touch, and feel) determines how they think things really are—Children learn concretely.

Strong-Willed Children respond best to clear, firm message without lot of drama or strong emotion. Clear verbal message—cool-down or cutoff/time-out and logical consequence. Strong-Willed children need clear, firm limits to guide them in the right direction. Our primary goal in guidance situations is to reject unacceptable behavior, not the child performing the behavior. Parents are in an ideal position to help children explore their choices and make better ones. Information alone is not enough to help many children master new or unfamiliar skills. They need to be shown what to do. Sometimes children misbehave because they are simply unaware of other, more effective choices for solving problems or behaving acceptably.  Exploring choices for action is an important first step in the skill-training process. Children are naturally motivated to learn new skills and to have their success acknowledged by the people who matter most.

Change, even positive change is stressful. Resistance is a normal and expected reaction to change.