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TOEFL习作评改(七)

(2008-03-27 12:59:01)
标签:

教育

分类: 写作指导
 

 

Newspaper or TV as Dominant Medium – TV

 

 

I.     Essay

 

Topic: In your opinion do you think newspapers or television is the most dominant medium of commouncation today?


Accustomed though we are to speaking of newspaper as the dominant medium, newspaper has no longer been, in the full sense of the word, dominant. (Accustomed though we are to speaking of the newspaper as the dominant news and information medium, it is no longer, in the full sense of the word, dominant.) The preponderance of TV has eclipsed the popularity of newspyaper among the contemporary media since the 1980s when TV was first introduced into
China. (Since it was first introduced into China in the 1980’s, TV has increasingly eclipsed the popularity of the newspaper.) TV began streaming into china by the age of 1980s,and became a flood by the 1990s,ushing in the age of TV. and within a decade, the mew medium put an end to the popularity of newspaper. (Television began to trickle into China in the 1980’s but by the 1990’s, it flooded in, putting an end to the popularity of the newspaper.) (1) (“to trickle”) (A) Basic the understanding of the following reasons is TV's favoritism. (The reasons for TV’s popularity are as follows:)

Its new convenient accessibility of information sparks an explosion of TV. (It provides convenient accessibility to information.) Once you possess a TV set, you could simply turn it on whenever you intend to get the information you need. (Once you have a TV set, you can simply turn it on whenever you want to get the information you need.) If you tempt to access to other mews, you only need to change the channel. (If you are tempted to access other news, you only need to change the channel.) (2) Therefore, those who are inconvenient to get a newspaper everyday, particularly some old men, see TV as a boon to them. (For those, like the elderly, who find it inconvenient to go out to get a newspaper everyday, the TV is a real boon.) (“elderly”) (B)

Although convenience is probably the most important determinant, it is not the only explanation for the boom. (Although convenience is the most important determinant, it is not the only reason for the TV boom.) (“boom”) (C) If TV the high efficiency and synchronism also helps to explain this rise in TV usage. (The efficiency and immediacy of TV helps explain this rise in its use.) TV can show the latest even simultaneous events. (TV can show the latest and even live events.) When the 27th Olympic Games took place in
Sydney, I was able to see the events at the same time as Sydney people, without being there.

Undoubtedly, the high efficiency supported the preference of TV, but the popularization also derives from its vivid scene. (TV’s popularity was undoubtedly a result of this high efficiency, but it was also derived from its vivid imagery.) (3) In the newspaper era, there always are soundless words, occasionally some pictures. (In the newspaper era, there were only soundless words and occasional pictures.) In the TV days, however, this is not the case at all. We can not only see vivid images, but also hear their sound. Those who are incapable of reading newspaper, particularly young children and illiterate adults, can receive information through TV. (What’s more, those who are unable to read newspapers, particularly young children and illiterate adults, can receive information through the TV.)

Economy is another advantage of TV. As we all known, TV set, which can be used for more than ten years, has good durability. (Another advantage is that the TV is more economical because of its durability.) And it can provide enough information so that it is unnecessary for you to purchase two like newspaper. (A TV can last for more than ten years and provide sufficient information to make purchasing two newspapers a day unnecessary.) (3) Hence, in the long run, it is more economical to purchase a TV set than to buy newspapers.

The main advantages of TV are convenience, efficiency, vividness and economy, all of which mean much to us. (The main advantages of the TV are convenience, efficiency, vividness and its economy.) Therefore, in modern society, TV hit an antiquated and inadequate media system. (Therefore, in modern society, the TV has made other media antiquated and inadequate) (“antiquated”) (D) Consequently, it became a high priority for people.

 

 

II.   Editorial Comments

 

1.    Original: The preponderance of TV has eclipsed the popularity of newspaper among the contemporary media since the 1980s when TV was first introduced into China. Revised: Since it was first introduced into China in the 1980’s, TV has increasingly eclipsed the popularity of the newspaper.

 

since”后面接时间点是正确的,但这里这一用法导致必须用when从句来修饰时间点,使句子变得冗长,修改后变成since直接加从句,而in 1980s成为状语。

 

1.       Original: If you tempt to access to other mews…  Revised: If you are tempted to access other news…

 

从用法上讲,“attempt”和“be tempt to”没有什么区别,但是用tempt是就要注意必须用被动态,加上主动词be

 

3.    Original: Undoubtedly, the high efficiency supported the preference of TV, but the popularization also derives from its vivid scene. Revised: TV’s popularity was undoubtedly a result of this high efficiency, but it was also derived from its vivid imagery.

 

中文中,总是把状语提前,而英语却习惯把它放在句中;另外注意as a result of这样得短语,英语里常常用它来代替直白的主动用法。

 

 

III.  Alternative Expressions

 

A.   The sentence was modified from “streaming” to “trickle” because “streaming into” is synonymous with “flooding in” and is therefore does not show a dramatic increase. Example: The barbarian hordes streamed across the borders bringing the entire land under their rule. The common expression is to begin with a “trickle” which turns into a “flood” as in the modified sentence above. Another alternative expression includes “pouring in and sweeping away” – Example: The pocket calculators poured into the high school classrooms and swept away the abacus.

 

B.   Generally, American English prefers to use euphemisms for “unpleasant” conditions like “old age.” In this case, the word was also changed because “elderly” includes both men and women. In addition to the “elderly,” standard euphemisms for “old people” are:

(i)    “senior citizens” – Example: Senior citizens comprise 60% of the population

(ii) “those in their golden years” – Example: To my surprise the dance hall was filled with folks in their golden years but they danced as well and I.

 

C.   “boom" in sales here means a great increase in the number of TV’s sold. Other expressions to indicate dramatic increases in sales are:

(i)   “take off” – Example: Sales of ice cream really took off that hot summer.

(ii) “go through the roof” – Example: After Marilyn died, the sales of her movies went through the roof.

(iii) “sales skyrocketed” – Example: The sales of NBA T-shirts skyrocketed when our team won the playoffs.

 

D.   To make something antiquated means to make it out of date and not current or even to make it useless. Other expressions that indicate the effect that TV had on the newspapers might be:

(i)    “to render obsolete” – Example: For some people, the TV has made the radio obsolete.

(ii)   “to make superfluous” – Example: The TV seems to be making the daily newspaper superfluous.

――选自《手把手教你TOEFL作文》

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