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(译)母亲是一座丰碑, Mother is a monument (9)

(2010-11-01 21:18:22)
标签:

蓝色雨

blue

rain

母亲是一座丰碑

mother

is

a

monument

舒洁

shujie

分类: (译)蓝色雨 Blue rain

母亲是一座丰碑, 作者:舒洁 [原文]

Mother is a monument(9), by Mr.Shujie

 

9.

    在我相对年轻的时代,我曾在梦里遇见一个赤裸的、浑身泥沙的少年,他走过一幢静静的阁楼,在河边与我说了许多话。我笃信,那个少年就是我,是我在别一空间存在的证明。如果我未曾接受神秘的暗示,说明我缺少生命的悟性。后来,在炎热的海南,我相对准确地预言了自己向北的归期。

    那是1998 年早春,在距南海很近的一个房间里,我写作了《在飘逸的神明中》这篇文字,也就是我的诗歌选集《心灵的故园》的后记。

 

     In my relatively young age, I had dreamed of a naked, all over with mud youth, he walked across a quiet loft, talked with me by riverside.  I devoutly believed that the youth was me, the proof of my existence in another space.  If I had not adopted the mysterious implication, that meant I was deficient in the perception of life.  Later, in the torrid Hainan, I had relative accurately foretold the date of my northward return.

     That was the early spring in 1998, in a room very close to the South China Sea, I wrote the essay “In the ethereal divinities”, that is the afterword in my poetry collection “The homeland of heart”.

 

    在微明的曙色中,我重新入睡。

    再次进入梦中,我发现一个房间的天棚断裂了。周围没有人,没有声音。房间很小,陈设简陋。早晨起来,我想,我的第二个梦,或许与我的童年时代的记忆有关吧。是的,这就使我联想到母亲。

    今天,是母亲的百日祭。

    上午10 点45 分,我与远在高原的四弟通电话。四弟说,我们从墓地回家了。除了家人,也来了一些朋友,因为人多,中午就只好去一家干净的饭店了。四弟强调说,我们会注意的。我懂四弟的话。在“非典”肆虐时期,我知道他们注意什么。随后,我与小弟通话。小弟说,二哥,在母亲的坟前,我说了,二哥不是不想回来,是因为他不能回来。听小弟这样说,我的心情平静了许多。我暗想,若母亲在天有知,她就不会怪我。我感到,我的兄弟们,他们是一些幸福的人。毕竟,在这个悲哀的日子,他们可以为故去的亲人燃纸祭奠。

 

     In the dim light of early dawn, I fell asleep again.

     Got into dream again, I found the ceiling of a room having rifted.  There was no one around, without sound.  The room was very small, with rough furnishings.  Woke up in morning, I thought, my second dream, might be relate to the memories in my childhood.  Surely, this let me associate with mother.

     Today is mother’s hundred day of worship.

     At morning fifteen minute to eleven, I talked with my fourth younger brother who was on the far plateau by phone.  My fourth younger brother said, “We had returned to home from graveyard.  Besides families, some friends had come; in consider of numbers, we went to a clean restaurant for lunch.”  Brother emphasized, “We will take care.”  I understood brother’s words.  During the persecuting period of “SARS”, I knew what they took care.  Afterward, I spoke with youngest brother in phone.  My youngest brother said, “Brother, in front of mother’s grave, I had said that it was not brother did not want to come back, just because he could not.”  Heard youngest brother’s those words, my heart was quieted down a lot.  I thought in heart, if mother knew in the Heaven, she would not blame me.  I felt that, my brothers, they had felicity.  At least, in this sorrowful day, they could burn papers to hold memorial ceremony for departed family.

 

    在母亲的忌日,因“非典”而被迫滞留北京的有我,她的最小的孙子伟杰,孙女娜娜。另外,母亲的次孙舒哲远在欧洲。我儿子出国时,母亲冷静地对我说,唉,我是活不到孙子回来的那一天了。

    母亲的那句话终成谶语。

 

     On mother’s day of worship, because of “SARS”, those being held up in Beijing included me, her youngest grandson Weijie, and granddaughter Nana.  In addition, mother’s second grandson Shuzhe was in the far Europe.  When my son went abroad, mother calmly told me, “Alas, I cannot live to the return day of grandson”

     Mother’s words had finally become prophecy.

 

    想着应该给儿子打个电话,看看时间,此刻,在欧洲还是凌晨。百日之前,听到奶奶故去的消息,儿子沉默了瞬间,接着痛哭失声。当时,作为父亲的我竟然找不到一句安慰他的语言。今日也是,我能对儿子说什么呢?

 

     Thinking that should phone to my son, look at the time, at this moment, it is still daybreak in Europe.  Hundred days ago, when heard the tidings of grandmother’s departed, my son fell in silence for a while, and then cried mute.  At that time, as father I even could not say a word to console him.  Today is the same, what could I talk to son?

 

    昨夜北京大风,声音凄厉。我站在黑暗的阳台上吸烟,望着渐渐入睡的城市。那时,我感觉母亲在望着我,似乎在对我说着什么。今日,北京仿佛被大雾笼罩,阳光不是很好。转头看窗外的楼群与树木,竟如许多委顿的人。

    我知道,我的感受与心境有关。

 

    Last night Beijing was in strong wind with woeful sounds.  I stood on the dark veranda to smoke, looking at the gradually falling asleep city.  At that time, I felt mother looking at me, seemingly wanted to tell me something.  Today, Beijing seemingly enveloped by mist, the sunshine was not fine.  Turning round to look at the buildings and woods outside window, just like many fatigued people.

    I knew that, my feeling was affected by frame of mind.

 

    不能回故园为母亲尽孝,我在书房母亲的遗像前焚香默念。

    我说,母亲,原谅我!在这个日子,请理解儿子。

    母亲在对面凝视我,是我熟悉的神情与目光。

    想我于百日前回乡奔丧的情形,竟如昨日。

    ……回家过这个年吧……

    这是母亲对我说的最后的话语。

    母亲,我念你;我想你;我孤寂,我是你的心灵破碎的儿子。

 

     Incapable of return homeland to carry out piety, in room of study before mother’s photo I incensed saying silently.

     I said, “Mom, forgive me! In such day, please understand your son.”

     Mother in face contemplated at me, which were my familiar look and sight.

     Thinking about hundred days ago, the circumstance of hastening home for mother’s departed, just as same as yesterday.

     ......return home to celebrate the New Year......

     These were the last words that mother spoke to me.

     “Mom, I miss you; I think of you; I am lonely, I am your broken heart son.”

 

     这一天正在缓慢地流逝。

     在这个城市里,在今天,还会有人失去自己的亲人。我无法听到生者的哭声,但我能够想象那种绝望的心境。每天每天,我都会听到死亡的消息。这个城市,这个城市里的人们,因瘟疫与死亡的降临而备受关注。一个象征变为另一个象征,谁也不能说明这变化的过程。

     我们是多么被动。我们能够做的,也只有祈祷了。

     到哪一天,我才能自由、无所顾忌地踏向回归故园之路呢?没有谁回答我。除了神明,谁也不会知道答案。可是,我所敬畏的神明,到哪种时刻才能眷顾这座忧伤的都城呢?我祈祷;我等待;我为所有的亲人和友人噙泪祝福!

     母亲,愿你安息。

 

     This day has been lapsing slowly.

     In this city, today, some people will still lose their own families.  I cannot hear the sobs of people remaining on earth, yet I can image the hopeless frame of mind.  Every day I hear the news of death.  This city, the people in this city, is highly concerned for the approach of epidemic and death.  A symbol has become another symbol; no one could illustrate the process of change.

     We are so passive.  All that we can do is just to pray.

     On which day could I freely step on the way of return home without any misgiving? No one answer me.  Besides divinities, no one will know the answer.  Yet divinities in my reverence, till which time will give favor to this sorrowful city? I pray; I wait; I bless for all families and friends in tears!

     Mother, wish you resting in peace.

 

[译稿不足处,期望指正]

 

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