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(译)母亲是一座丰碑, Mother is a monument (2)

(2010-10-23 23:33:39)
标签:

蓝色雨

blue

rain

母亲是一座丰碑

mother

is

a

monument

舒洁

shujie

分类: (译)蓝色雨 Blue rain

母亲是一座丰碑, 作者:舒洁 [原文]

Mother is a monument(2), by Mr.Shujie

 

2.

    我再一次从心灵上接近了母亲。

    望着母亲的遗照,我独坐良久。

    室外大雾弥漫,就如我的怀念。是的,今日西山不见,我距母亲的家门已很远很远。时间接近午夜时分,我想,我该记录一些什么呢?

 

     I am close to mother in heart once again.

     Looking at the photo that mother left, I have sat alone for long.

     The widespread mist outside is like my reminiscence.  Certainly, the west hill could not be seen today, I am far away from mother’s home door so much.  By the time approaching midnight, I thought, what should I write down?

 

    母亲去世后,我不顾长者们的劝阻,执意保留了母亲的一些遗物,主要是她穿过的衣服。按故乡的习俗,母亲的衣物是要火化的。

    那一天,我驱车从北京匆匆回返故里,到赤峰时已是灯火点燃的夜晚。我走进家门,感受到从未有过的氛围。房间里有人在制作祭品,是一些图案复杂怪异的剪纸。兄弟妹妹们都在等我。

    母亲不在了,我体味着真实的空落与灭绝一般的悲伤。

    翌日清晨,母亲就要火化,从此永远地离我们而去。

    二妹在哭,但声音压抑。从哪个角度说,二妹与母亲的感情距离都最近。在母亲行走不便的一年时间中,二妹与母亲朝夕相处,她为母亲尽了应有的孝道。母亲突然去了,我自然理解二妹的心境。

在那样一个夜晚,作为儿女的我们,谁又能睡呢?

 

     After mother departed, despite elder’s dissuasions, I insisted to retain some of mother’s belongings, mainly were clothes that she had worn.  According to custom, mother’s clothes should be cremated.

     On that day, I hastily drove back to homeland, it had been nighttime in lights when I arrived at Chifeng.  I walked in home door, perceiving the atmosphere that had not ever existed.  Some people were preparing sacrificial items; those were some paper cuttings in complicated strange patterns.  Brothers and younger sisters were waiting for me.

     Mother had gone away, I underwent the falling emptiness of reality and destructive grieves.

The early morning of the following day, mother would been cremated, eternally left us hence.

     My second younger sister was crying, yet in depressive voice.  From whatever angle, the distance of feelings in between mother and sister was the closest. During the year of mother being inconvenient to walk, sister having been companied mother in days and nights, she had accomplished adequate filial piety.  Mother suddenly departed, I naturally understood sister’s frame of mind.

     In a night of that, for all of us as sons and daughters, who could go to sleep?

 

    母亲的八个儿女围在沙发边,整理她的遗物。我们一个包裹接一个包裹地打开,母亲充满慈爱的气息,就在那个时刻出现了。

    是夜,天寒地冻,西风凄厉。想到母亲一个人躺在太平间里,我心如刀绞。

我们的举动,实际上是在为母亲送行。

    就在那个夜晚,我暗自选择了母亲的一些衣物。我知道,母亲的任何东西,在日后都是不可多得的象征了。天明后,母亲和她的遗物,将化为灰烬,隐入神秘的深处。

 

     Mother’s sons and daughters in total of eight circled around the side of sofa, arranging belongings she left.  We opened bundles one by one, mother’s lenient breath came out at that moment.

     That night, the air was cold and the ground was frozen in the sorrowful western wind.  In thought of mother lying in mortuary alone, my heart was as painful as wrung by knife.

     Our behaviors actually were to parting mother.

     On that night, I selected some of mother’s clothes on the quiet.  I knew, any one of mother’s things, would become rare symbols in future.  After dawn, mother and her belongings would be turned into ashes, vanished in the depth of mystery.

 

    母亲火化的那个寒冷的清早,有长辈对我说,因我属狗,在母亲进入瞻仰室前,我不能看到她。习俗就是习俗。重要的是,在那悲哀的一日,我不能悖逆来自于任何一位家族长者的意愿。

    在瞻仰室,我终于看到母亲。她神态安详,如熟睡一般。我把母亲的眼镜摘下来握在手中,将脸贴在母亲冰冷的脸颊,我泪如雨下。

    我告诉自己,我与母亲,这真的是最后的告别了。

 

     The chill early morning of mother’s cremation, some seniors told me, due to my designate year of dog, before mother moved in the room of reverence, I could not see her.  Custom was custom.  The importance was that, on the mournful day, I could not go against the will from any senior in family.

     In the room of reverence, I eventually saw mother.  Her look was peaceful as if falling asleep.  I took off mother’s glasses holding in hand, nestling face to mother’s icy cheek, my tears run down as rain.

     I told myself, mother and me, it really was the last parting.

 

    除了母亲穿过的衣服,我还留下了什么呢?

    母亲的两副眼镜。选举证。身份证。她的三张素描。一个相册。相册封面内层有母亲的文字。母亲多次使用过的顶针。她收集的很多大小不一的纽扣。

    我特意保留了一双母亲缝补过的袜子,看到上面细密的针脚,我的记忆就会回到从前,也就是那些艰难的日子。

    我会告诉儿子,作为人,他应该怀念并珍视一些什么。

    而我,则会时时感知母亲的双手,那许多被她引领、注视并想念的时光。作为人子,我将以我的完整的心灵,感受无所不在的母爱。那是永远的存在,不会因母亲故去而消失。当然,我承认,我对母亲的追念充满残缺。与母亲离别后的二十七年,随处可见时光的空白,这是属于我的遗憾,今生今世无法弥补。

 

     Besides mother’s old clothes, what else had I retained?

     Mother’s two pairs of glasses, certificate of selection, certificate of identity, three sheets of her sketch, an album, there were mother’s writings on the inner of the album cover, the thimble that mother had been used for numerous times, the buttons not of uniform size that she had collected.

     I intentionally kept a pair of mother’s mended socks, saw those dense stitches above, my memories would go back to the past, those difficult days.

     I will tell my son, as a person, what should he remember and cherish?

     And I can perceive mother’s hands, and those times that being led, contemplated and missed by her.  As the identity of son, I will perceive the omnipresent mother love with my whole heart.  That is forever existence, will not disappear due to mother’s departed.  Certainly, I confess that my reminiscences to mother are in pieces throughout.  During the parting twenty-seven years, blank spaces of time can be seen everywhere, this is my regret, that cannot be retrieved in this life.

 

    怀念最为常见的形式,就是凝望与默祷。

    不错,内心孤寂的时刻,我坐在母亲遗像的对面,望着她,对她说了许多话。我常常想,在母亲健在的时日里,为什么我们会常常丧失与母亲倾诉的心情呢?那时候,我们顺遂抑或艰难,都不想对母亲表露心迹。我们认为那是爱母亲,是我们独立人间的证明。可是,母亲的心灵,又怎么能够须臾远离我们的心灵呢?这等于说,母亲懂我们,她可以感觉到我们的一切。

 

     The usual manner of remembrance is to contemplate and pray silently

     Rightly, during heart with solitude, I sat in front of mother’s photo, looking at her, telling her many words.  I always got in mind, in date of mother on earth, why did we always lose the mood of talking to mother?  In those time, we no matter in smooth or difficult status, did not want to express our hearts to mother.  We deemed that meant our love to mother and the proof of standing alone by ourselves.  Yet, mother’s heart, how could it be possible to leave us for an instant? This equally meant that mother understood us, could perceive all those around us.

 

    我就拥有一位这样的母亲。

    在我与母亲之间,到底隔着什么?如果那是时光,我们能否破译并描述这种时光?生死之间与天地之间,难道怀念仅仅属于生者吗?如果回答是否定的,那么,被我们深深渴望的那扇接近之“门”究竟在何处?梦境的存在使我们不敢轻易相信怀念的灵性已经远离了逝者,我们常常不自觉地仰望星空,是否接受了某种伟大的庇佑与暗示?

    我梦见过母亲。第一次,母亲说有一个空间过于狭窄;第二次,母亲说,我想睡了。有一些东西,是我同意放到屋顶上去的。……

    我会想许久的:母亲在对我暗示什么?

    今夜,我是否还会梦见母亲?

 

     I have possessed a mother in this way.

     In between mother and me, what is it? Supposing that is time, could we decipher and describe this sort of time?  Among the life and death, the heaven and the earth, does it only belong to those with breathes?  Supposing the answer is negation, then where is the“entrance”of getting close that we have been deeply looking forward? The existence of dream let us dare not to easily believe that the memorial ethereality having been far from departed, we unintentionally looked upward at the starry sky time after time, did we receive some kind of great guardian and implication?

     I had dreamed of mother.  The first time, mother said, “There is a space that is too restricted”; the second time, mother said, “I want to sleep.  Something that I had agreed to put on the roof......”

     I have thought for long time: What did mother imply to me?

     Tonight, could I dream of mother again?

 

[译稿不足处,期望指正]

 

 

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