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人生方程式

(2007-09-13 22:43:30)
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随笔/感悟

 

Equations of Life 人生方程式

Equations of Life 人生方程式

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS 爱情数学
Smart man + smart woman = romance
聪明男人 + 聪明女人 = 浪漫爱情
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
聪明男人 + 笨女人 = 偷情
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
笨男人 + 聪明女人 = 婚姻
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
笨男人 + 笨女人 = 怀孕

OFFICE ARITHMETIC 办公室数学
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
精明上司 + 精明下属 = 利润
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
精明上司 + 笨下属 = 生产
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
笨上司 + 精明下属 = 升职
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
笨上司 + 笨下属 = 加班工作

SHOPPING MATH 购物数学
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
男人会花20块买下价值10块他需要的东西。
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
女人会花10块买下价值20块她不需要的东西。

GENERAL EQUATIONS &STATISTICS 一般方程式及统计
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
女人担心将来,直至她找到丈夫为止。
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
男人从不担心将来,直至他娶了老婆为止。
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
所谓成功男士是赚的钱老婆花不完的男人。
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
成功的女士是能够找到这种男人的女人。

HAPPINESS 快乐
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
若要与男人相处愉快,你必须很了解他,但只爱他一点点。
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
若要与女人相处愉快,你必须非常爱她,但千万别尝试了解她。

LONGEVITY 长寿
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
已婚男士比独身汉长寿,但是他们比独身汉向往死亡。

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE 改变倾向
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
女人期待结婚后男人会改变,但是他不会。
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
男人希望结婚后女人保持不变,但是她一定会。

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE 讨论技巧
A woman has the last word in any argument.
在任何争吵中,女人拥有讲最后一句话的权利。
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
男人再开口的话,不管他说什么都会成为另一场争吵的开端。

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED 制止别人催你结婚的方法
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
每次参加婚礼,我的姑妈姨母们都爱唠唠叨叨的对我说:“下一个轮到你啦”。我在丧礼上用同一句话回敬她们之后,她们便不再这样做了。

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