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国外幽默(笑话)集锦(286~290) (英汉对照)

(2009-08-25 10:31:44)
标签:

说话

便条

聚会

海狸

牛仔

分类: 故事

国外幽默(笑话)集锦(286~290) <wbr>(英汉对照)

国外幽默(笑话)集锦(286~290

(英汉对照)

Laughter, the Best Medicine.

“笑是良药。”

国外幽默(笑话)集锦(286~290) <wbr>(英汉对照) 

Atalkingcash register

Our local supermarket had just been equipped with a “talking” cash register. I listened, amused, as a mechanical voice announced each item and its price when the clerk passed it over the scanner. After everything had been checked through, the relentless machine told me the total and after I paid, the change due.

The cashier, who had not yet spoken, got my change and closed the drawer of the finally silent register. Looking at me, she said smugly, “I still get to say ‘thank you.’”

——Christine Karge Dewey(Evergreen Park,Ill.)

 国外幽默(笑话)集锦(286~290) <wbr>(英汉对照)

286.一种“说话”的收银机

我们当地的超市里有一种会说话的收银机。我听了很好笑,当店员把东西寄给它的扫瞄的时候,它就发出一种机械的声音告知每样商品及其价钱。东西全部扫描以后,毫无表情的机器就会告诉我总的价钱,我付过钱之后就找钱。

出纳员也不说话,她拿到给我找的钱以后,最后就把默不做声的收银机的抽屉推进去,然后看着我沾沾自喜地 说:“我还得说声‘谢谢你!’”

——克里斯廷.卡基.杜威(常绿公园市,伊利诺州)

国外幽默(笑话)集锦(286~290) <wbr>(英汉对照)

A brief message

A small sports car was parked in the shopping center. As I watched, a young man in a white jacket——presumably an intern from a nearby hospital——jumped into it and hastily backed out, nicking the rear fender of another car. After examining the damage, he scrawled a brief message on a card and attached it to the “wound” with an adhesive bandage. Then he drove off.

Curious, I went over. He had written: “Sorry about this, Take two aspirin and call me in the morning.” Underneath were his name and phone number.

——The Rev. Chester N. Shew (Copiague, N. Y.)

国外幽默(笑话)集锦(286~290) <wbr>(英汉对照)

287.一张便条

一辆小型跑车停在购物中心。当我注视着它时,一个穿白夹克的年轻男子——大概是附近一家医院的实习医生——跳进去慌忙的倒车出来,划伤了另一辆车的后壁板。检查了损伤后,他在一张卡片上草草地写了个便条,用不干胶带把便条粘在“受伤”的汽车上,然后就把车开走了。

出于好奇,我就走过去,见他写道:“对此我非常抱歉,吃两片阿司匹林,今天上午给我打电话。”下面是他的名字和电话号码。

——切斯特N.萧牧师(柯比亚基,纽约)

国外幽默(笑话)集锦(286~290) <wbr>(英汉对照)

A large reunion

For several months, my family had been excitedly organizing a large reunion in Florida. “Fun-in-the-sun” events were planned, and my sister went on a diet to get ready. When I phoned her, she informed me she had been unable to lose the last ten pounds, “Every ounce of my body knows that I’m going to Florida,” she said, “and not one ounce is willing to give up the trip.”

——Dennis Chapman(Virginia Beach, Va.)

国外幽默(笑话)集锦(286~290) <wbr>(英汉对照)

288.一次大型聚会之前

几个月以来,我家一直兴奋地要在弗罗里达州组织一次的大型聚会。阳光下的欢乐活动也在计划之中,我姐姐继续忌食好准备参加聚会。当我给她打电话时她告诉我,她一直不能减掉最后这十磅。“我体内的每一盎司都知道,我将去佛罗里达。”她说,“没有哪一盎司想放弃这次旅行。”

——丹尼斯.查普曼(弗吉尼亚海滩,弗吉尼亚州)

国外幽默(笑话)集锦(286~290) <wbr>(英汉对照)

A serious beaver problem

We were visiting friends who lived on the edge of a wilderness preserve. As we drove along a rutted trail, we saw a small creek ahead whose bridge was under water. “We have a serious beaver problem,” our friend said.

“They build dams that cause the creek to flood. Forest rangers take down the dams, and the beavers rebuild them.”

As we got closer, we could see a large scoreboard posted by the bridge. It read:

BEAVERS  3

RANGERS  0

——Nancy Chapman(Bradenton, Fla.)

 国外幽默(笑话)集锦(286~290) <wbr>(英汉对照)

289. 一个严重的海狸难题

 我们正要去拜访住在荒野保护区边界处的朋友,当我们开车顺着一条车辙痕迹前行的时候,就看见前面一条小溪,水从桥上面漫过去了。

“我们有个严重的海里难题。”我们的朋友说。

“人们建造了拦堤坝,导致小溪里的水泛滥成灾。森林守护人员拆除了坝堤,而海狸们又把坝堤恢复起来。”

我们走近时就能看到一个大标牌树立在桥边。上面写着:

海狸   3

森林守护员 0

——南希.查普曼(布拉登顿,弗罗里达州)

 国外幽默(笑话)集锦(286~290) <wbr>(英汉对照)

Real cowboys

Since we live in Arizona, my sons——ages four and six——are constantly on the lookout forreal cowboys. They were ecstatic when two cowpunchers strode down an aisle in the grocery store. Their rough-and-tumble garb was authentic: dusty jeans, ten-gallon hats and well-worn boots with jangling spurs. “What could they be buying in here?” I wondered out loud. “Probably, it is the beer and tobacco”.

At the checkout line I saw the cowboys strutting out the door. Tucked under their arms were jumbo-sized boxes of disposable diapers.

——Anne Buzzard(Flagstaff, Ariz.)

290.真正的美国西部的牛仔

 

自从我们住进美国西南部的亚利桑那州,我的儿子——一个四岁,一个六岁——就经常了望着“真正的牛仔”。当两个牛仔大踏步走食品杂货店的通道时,他们竟是那么着迷。他们都穿着粗制杂乱的装束可是一点儿不假:满是灰尘的牛仔裤,10加仑(特大)的红帽子,和带着刺耳响声的被马刺磨损了的靴子。“他们到这儿来能买什么呢?”我惊讶得大声说道。“也许是啤酒和烟草。”

在快速结帐口,我看见牛仔们迈着趾高气扬的步态出了门,他们的臂下都夹着大号箱子,里面装的是一次性的婴儿尿片。

——安妮.巴扎德(弗拉格斯塔夫,亚利桑那州

 国外幽默(笑话)集锦(286~290) <wbr>(英汉对照)

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