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Unit5:Can You Raise a Polite Kid in this Rude...

(2008-11-18 20:46:09)
标签:

杂谈

分类: 在职研究生

从Unit4开始还没有学呢,写贴出来吧。

一共就6个单元,这是倒数第二个。

 

Can You Raise a Polite Kid in this Rude World?

你能在这样粗鲁的世界里教养出彬彬有礼的孩子吗?

Suzanne Chazin

Mention ill-mannered children and most people roll their eyes at the memory of a little hellion and his boorish parents. I still get angry about an incident that happened last summer.

一提到无礼的孩子, 大多数人都会对记忆中惹是生非的小孩以及其粗鄙的父母皱起眉头。对去年夏天发生的一件事至今我还余怒未消。

 

1. We were staying at a country inn that had a small movie theater. Before every evening's presentation, my husband and I instructed our three-year-old son to sit quietly. Except for an occasional whispered question, he sat in rapt attention.

1. 我们住在一间带有小电影院的乡村客栈。每天晚上电影放映之前,我和丈夫都教育三岁的小孩坐好别说话。除了偶尔小声问问题外,他全神贯注地坐着。

 

2. The soundtrack, however, was impossible to hear. That's because two children bounced on their seats, talked loudly and raced up and down the aisles. Never once did I see a parent. After several evenings of this, I followed the children to the dining room. There sat a man and woman enjoying a relaxed meal.

2. 然而,我们没有办法听到电影声音,是因为有两个小孩在座位上蹦蹦跳跳、大声嚷嚷、还在过道上跑来跑去。我从来没有见到过他们的一位家长在场。就这样过了几个晚上, 有一次,我就跟踪这两个孩子到了餐厅。在那里有一男一女正在清闲地吃着饭。

 

3. "My family is having a hard time watching the film with your children running all over the theater," I said. "Do you think that if they're not interested in the movie, you could keep them out here?" The father regarded me coolly. "We've paid for the use of the inn's facilities," he said. "Our children can go anywhere they please!"

3. “你们的孩子在影院里到处乱跑,我们一家人无法看电影,”我说,“如果他们没有兴趣看电影的话,你可以叫他们离开吗?”那位父亲冷冷地看着我。“我们对使用客栈的设施付过钱了,”他说,“我们的孩子想去哪里就去哪里。”

 

4. I was dumbfounded. What could make a seemingly rational couple condone behavior that was so obviously rude? Have we as a society become so consumed with our own needs and the impulses of our children that everyone else's rights are ignored?

4. 我目瞪口呆。这对夫妻看上去挺讲道理的,是什么让他们能够容忍如此明显的不礼貌行为呢?作为社会的一份子,我们是否已经变得一心只想着自己的需求和满足孩子的欲望从而忽视了他人的权利呢?

 

5."Take a look at television these days, and it's becoming almost commonplace to be arrogant and crude," notes psychologist Thomas Achenbach of the University of Vermont.

5. “看看如今的电视节目,傲慢和粗鲁几乎是家常便饭,”佛蒙特州立大学的心理学家托马斯·奥肯博杰注意到。

 

6. While teenagers laugh at the vulgar antics of "Beavis and Butthead," their parents yuk it up with the acerbic "Married With Children" and the brash "Roseanne." The assault on manners doesn't just come in the form of comic relief. Witness the abominable display last September of Baltimore Orioles second baseman Roberto Alomar, who spat in the face of umpire John Hirschbeck before millions of fans.

6. 当孩子们被漫画人物《比维斯和巴特里德》的低俗、滑稽动作逗得大笑的时候,他们的父母也因辛辣的情景喜剧《有孩子的家室》和粗鲁的情景喜剧《罗斯娜》而哈哈大笑。其实,粗俗的行为不仅仅以喜剧性调剂的形式出现。人们不妨看看去年巴尔的摩“黄鹂”棒球的第二守垒员罗伯多·阿洛马的恶心表现,他居然在几百万球迷面前,朝裁判约翰·赫什伯克的脸上吐口水。

 

7. All of this seems to have a profound effect on kids. Comparing assessments of American children in the mid-1970s and the late 1980s, Achenbach found that children in the latter group were, on average, more impulsive and disobedient than their counterparts a decade and a half earlier. The fraying of the nuclear family and the demands on working parents, many experts believe, have produced a generation of children who can program a computer but don't know how to write a thank-you note.

7. 所有这一切都似乎对孩子们产生了深刻的影响。通过比较二十世纪七十年代中和二十世纪八十年代末美国孩子的表现, 奥肯博克发现后者比前者更冲动、更叛逆。许多专家认为,核心家庭的紧张与忙碌,使得培养出来的孩子能给计算机编程却不懂得写封感谢信。

 

8. Even parents who strive to teach their children manners are appalled at how easily those lessons can be undone by what takes place beyond their homes. Leann Aykut of Scottsdale, Ariz., knows this well. One day her 11-year-old son found his sister using his telephone in his room. "Get off my phone," he yelled, calling her an obscene name. Aykut raced to her son's room. "You've no right to talk to your sister like that," she scolded. The boy shrugged. He explained that a friend had been arguing with his mother and called her by that term. "We never talk that way in this house," Aykut said firmly.

8. 也有一些父母尽心尽力教导自己的孩子要有礼貌,但他们却吃惊地发现,家庭外所发生的事情轻而易举地就把他们的所有努力化为泡影了。亚利桑那州斯科斯岱乐市的利恩·艾库特对这一点非常了解。有一天,她11岁的小男孩发现他姐姐在他房间里使用他的电话时说:“把电话挂了,”他大声嚷嚷,朝她骂下流话。艾库特赶快跑到她儿子的房间。“你无权这样对你姐姐讲话,”她斥责他说。男孩耸耸肩,辩解说他有一个朋友在和母亲争吵时也用这种下流话骂她。艾库特坚决地说:“在我们这个家里绝不能说脏话。”

 

9. While you can't protect your children from what goes on outside your home, experts believe that with patience and persistence, parents can do a lot to make their children beauties in our world full of beasts.

9. 尽管父母无法让自己的孩子免受外界的影响,但专家们认为父母只要有耐心、有毅力,就能做许多事来使得自家的孩子在这个充满野性的世界里变成完美的人。

 

Be a Model. 树立一个好榜样

 

10. When a 16-year-old Florida high-schooler came home from volleyball practice one day, she appeared troubled. "What's wrong?" her mother asked. The teen explained that her coach chose another girl over her best friend for the varsity team. Her friend's mother was livid. Driving the girls home, she flew into a rage, cursing and calling the coach all sorts of names.

10.有一天,当一个十六岁的佛罗里达州女中学生练完排球回家时,她显得忐忑不安。“出了什么事了?” 她母亲问道。女儿解释说教练选择了其他女孩子而不是选择她最好的朋友参加校队,她朋友的母亲大发雷霆。在开车回家的路上, 她母亲火冒三丈, 当着女孩子的面, 一边诅咒一边用各种脏话谩骂这位教练。

 

11. Many parents seem to have adopted the attitude "My child, right or wrong"-with devastating results. "Being a parent means being mature enough to help a child adapt to disappointment," Achenbach says."Parents who can't accept when their child isn't No. 1 send the message that when you're frustrated, you blame the source of frustration instead of looking for a way to cope." Instead of urging a child to study harder for better grades, some parents blame the teacher. Instead of punishing a child for violating a school policy, they battle the policy.

11.许多家长都似乎是采取一种“不管对错,都是自家孩子好”的态度,其结果往往是破坏性的。“作为父母,这意味着自己已经成熟,能够帮助孩子适应各种不如意”。艾库特说,“当自己的孩子不是得到第一名时,父母亲如果不能接受这个事实,那么他们就等于发出了这样一个信息,即当你受挫时,你责备挫折的原由而不是寻找解决的办法。”一些家长不但没有鼓励孩子努力学习,争取好成绩,反而责怪老师。孩子违犯了校规,他们不但没有责罚孩子,反而攻击校规。

 

12. A better message, experts say, is to teach children that while they cannot always control the outcome of every situation, they can control how they respond. "Children must learn to behave more gallantly than they feel," says "Miss Manners" columnist and author Judith Martin. Being gallant, says Martin, is about more than simply saying "please" and "thank you." It's about not boasting or calling someone names behind their back, about winning fairly and losing graciously, and treating everyone with respect.

12.专家们说,最好的教训是教导孩子们,虽然他们不能每次都控制住结果,但是却能够控制住自己的反应。仅仅意识到礼貌问题是不够的,孩子们必须学会要将礼貌表现出来。《礼仪小姐》的专栏作家朱迪思·马丁说,讲礼貌不是简单地说“请”和“谢谢”就行了,而是要不自吹自擂、不背后骂人,要赢得光彩、输得体面,要尊重每一个人。

 

13. Of course, all the training in the world won't persuade a child to behave gallantly if his parents become aggressive, demanding and rude at the slightest provocation. That's why experts agree the best way for parents to improve a child's manners is to improve their own first.

13.当然,如果做父母的脾气乖戾、对人苛刻而粗鲁的话,那么怎么训练孩子也难使得他们讲究礼貌。这就是为什么专家们认为教育孩子讲礼貌最好的办法就是作为父母者自己更有礼貌。

 

14. Parents need to be especially vigilant not to say something casually that they may be alarmed to hear later in the mouths of their children. A wife who tells her husband to shut up and a father who calls a neighbor a jerk are likely to hear their children speak the same way to them.

14.父母要特别注意不要信口开河,以免日后惊讶地发现同样的话在孩子们的口中说出来。假若妻子叫丈夫闭嘴,父亲骂邻居笨蛋,那么他们的孩子也会用同样的方式和他们说话。

 

15."If we aren't practicing good manners, how can we expect our children to?" notes etiquette author and "Ms. Demeanor" columnist Mary Mitchell.

15.“如果我们都不表现出彬彬有礼,怎么期望孩子们会彬彬有礼呢?”礼仪作者兼“举止女士”专栏作家玛丽·米切尔说。

 

Prompt and Praise. 鼓励和赞扬

 

16. "You're such a mess; you never clean up your room." "You'd better write that thank-you note or you're not watching TV." "Don't you raise your voice to me." Most parents have said these things to their children. They're meant to correct behavior. Why, then, do they fail so miserably?

16.“你这个垃圾虫,从不打扫房间。”“赶快写感谢信,要不你别看电视。”“你竟敢朝我提高噪门说话。”大多数父母都对孩子们说过这样的话。他们的用意是想让孩子改正自己的行为。但为什么却偏偏一点效果也没有呢?

 

17. Because rude behavior in children is more often the result of thoughtlessness than of deliberate aggression. Criticism, name-calling and orders only make a child angry and defensive. They reinforce the notion that the child is incapable of good behavior without coercion.

17.孩子的粗鲁行为常常是不在意的结果, 而不是出于故意。动辄批评、咒骂和大声命令,只会生气和心存戒备。父母们强化了这种观念:不施压,孩子是养不成好行为的。

 

18.A better approach is something Alan Kazdin, a psychologist at Yale University, calls prompt and praise. Before an event the parent explains the expected behavior in a noncritical way: "When we visit Aunt Mary today, I'd be so proud if you could shake her hand and pull out her chair at dinner." Afterward, praise the child: "I really liked the way you shook Aunt Mary's hand and offered a chair." Says Kazdin, "The idea is to do this often enough so you can eventually move away from the prompt and just give the praise."

18.有一种方法比较好,耶鲁大学心理学家艾伦·卡兹丁称之为鼓励和赞扬。父母事前用平和的语气告诉孩子希望他怎么做。“今天我们要去拜访玛丽阿姨,如果你能在进门时跟她握手,并在吃饭时帮她拉出椅子,我将为你感到很自豪。”事后还要表扬孩子:“我真的很喜欢你跟阿姨握手和帮阿姨入座的样子。”卡兹丁说,“经常给予孩子鼓励和表扬,到一定时候,你就不用鼓励,只需表扬就行了。”

 

19. But what about the times when a child has already committed an offending act? "Correct the child by blaming it on the house rules," advises etiquette consultant Joan Hopper. Every family should have some basic rules that everyone agrees on and will follow.

19.但是要是孩子做出了无礼的行为又怎么办呢?“用家规来批评孩子,改正错误,” 礼仪顾问琼·霍珀建议说。每个家庭都应该有一些大家都认可并愿意遵守的基本规矩。

 

20. So rather than saying "You're such a slob. Get your elbows off the table," a parent can simply state, "Our family rule is that elbows don't go on the table." By correcting the behavior rather than the child, you defuse a child's defensiveness and keep the correction from sounding like an order.

20.所以不要说“你怎么这么不懂礼貌,不要把胳膊肘放在餐桌上。”而是父母一方简单地说:“我们的家规是不能把胳膊肘放在餐桌上的。”批评对事而不对人,从而孩子不会产生防御心理不在防卫你,改正错误的要求听上去也不像是一种命令。

 

21. A criticism delivered this way does tend to get results, as Ellen Weeks, 15, of West Hartford, Conn., will attest. Every morning, Ellen's parents or one of her friends' parents would drive a group of students to school. When the car pulled up, Ellen used to wordlessly plunk herself in the back seat, sit silently, then rush out of the car at the school curb.

21.用这种办法进行批评往往很有效。康涅狄格州西哈特德市15岁的埃伦·威克斯就是例证。每天早上,她的父母或她朋友的父母总会开车送她们几个孩子去上学。上车时,埃伦总是一声不吭地一头扎进后座,一言不语地坐着,抵达学校后匆匆下车。

 

22. One morning after Ellen had hopped into the car, the driver, a father of one of the girls, turned around and asked, "How come no-one says 'good-morning' to me?" "I'd never thought about it from his perspective before," Ellen admits. "I'm glad he told us how he felt." Now she and the others say "good-morning" when they get into the car.

22.有一天早上,其中一个女孩的父亲在开车,当埃伦跳上汽车后,他就转过头去问:“怎么没人对我问‘早安’?”“我以前从来没有从他的角度去考虑过这个问题。”埃伦承认说:“我很高兴他告诉我们他的感受。”现在她和其他孩子们只要一上车就会说“早上好”。

 

Have Dinner Together. 共进晚餐

 

23. Coretta Jefferson's household is like many across America. The mother of two in Weston, W. Va., often doesn't have the energy to coordinate everyone's schedule around a sit-down dinner. Her eight-year-old son plays baseball and soccer, and her husband has a pool tournament two nights a week. "Gathering together for dinner is important," she says, "but I can't see it happening in my lifetime."

23.科雷特·杰斐逊一家的情况跟美国许多家庭一样。他们住在西弗吉尼亚州韦斯顿市,有两个孩子,作为家庭主妇的她常常没有足够精力将一家人协调好,坐在一起吃个晚餐。8岁的儿子要打垒球和踢足球,而她丈夫一周要有两个晚上参加联赛。“相聚在一起吃晚饭很重要”,她说:“但是我到现在还无法做到这一点。”

 

24. Experts say that a half-hour to an hour of sit-down family time each day may be the most important thing parents can do for their children. "Cooperation, punctuality, conversation skills and respect are all learned around the dining table," says etiquette teacher Tiffany Francis.

24.专家们说,每天半小时到一小时全家坐在一起也许是父母能为孩子们做的最重要的事情。“合作、守时、谈话技巧以及尊重他人都是坐在餐桌旁学会的,”礼仪教师蒂法尼·法兰西斯说。

 

25. Even if a family can't eat together every night, they should strive to get together at least once or twice a week. That means switching on the telephone answering machine and shutting off the television. "Dinnertime is not simply about eating but about sharing your day as a family," says Mary Mitchell. It's a time when parents can gently impart their values and morals without sounding as if they're lecturing.

25.即使一家人不能每晚在一起吃饭,至少他们应该一周相聚一到两次。这意味着接通录音电话和关闭电视机。“作为一家人来说,晚餐时间不仅仅是吃东西而且还是分享一天的活动,”玛丽·米切尔说。此时此刻,父母亲和蔼地将他们的价值观和道德观传授给孩子们,而又不让人感觉在说教。

 

Develop Rituals.      培养仪式

 

26. Attitudes of respect, modesty and fair play can grow only out of slowly acquired skills that parents teach their children over many years through shared experience and memory. If a child reaches adulthood with recollections only of television, Little League and birthday parties, then that child has little to draw on when a true test of character comes up-say, in a prickly business situation. "Unless that child feels grounded in who he is and where he comes from, everything else is an act," says etiquette expert Betty Jo Trakimas.

26.尊重他人、为人谦虚和公正无私等种种品质,都是父母通过多年来和孩子共同的经历和回忆教导出来的。这些技能是父母对孩子们多年来通过共同的经历和记忆中的往事教导出来的。孩子成年时,如果回忆中只有电视、“小棒球对”和生日聚会的话,那么当真正考验人的品格的时候,这些孩子就没有什么东西可以依托了。“除非孩子们知道自己是谁、来自什么地方,否则,一切都是装出来的,”礼仪专家贝蒂·乔·特拉基玛斯说。

 

27. The Dickmeyers of Carmel. Ind., reserve every Friday night as "family night" with their three children. Often the family plays board games or hide-and-seek. "My children love it," says Theresa, their mother.

27.印第安那州卡美尔市的迪克迈耶夫妇将每周五晚上定为和三个孩子们共度“家庭夜”的时间。一家人常常玩跳棋或者玩抓迷藏游戏。“孩子们喜欢‘家庭夜’,”孩子的母亲特里萨说。

 

28. Can playing hide-and -seek really teach a child about manners? Yes, say Trakimas and others, because it tells children that their parents care enough to spend time with him, he is loved and can learn to love others. "Manners aren't about using the right fork, agrees etiquette instructor Patricia Gilbert-Hinz. "Manners are about being kind-giving compliments, team-playing, making sacrifices. Children learn that through their parents."

28.玩抓迷藏游戏真地能教会孩子们懂得礼貌吗?特拉基玛斯和一些人认为这是毫无疑问的,因为是在告诉孩子们,父母是关心他们的,愿意花时间陪他们玩。孩子们得到了爱,也将学会去爱他人。“讲究礼貌不是关于正确地使用叉子的问题,”礼仪教师帕特里夏·吉尔伯特欣兹同意这种说法。“讲究礼貌是关于为人友善的问题——会向人问候、与人合作并且乐于牺牲。而这一切,孩子都是从父母身上学得的。

 

29. While children don't automatically warm to the idea of learning to be polite, there's no reason for them to see manners as a bunch of stuffy restrictions either. They're the building blocks of a child's education. "Once a rule becomes second nature, it frees us," Mitchell says. "How well could Michael Jordan play basketball if he had to keep reminding himself of the rules?"

29.孩子们不会自动激起学习讲究礼貌的热情,他们也没有理由会把礼貌看作是一大堆烦人的约束条件。良好的行为举止是儿童教育的基本构件。“一旦规则成了第二天性,它就赋予我们自由了,”米切尔说。“如果迈克尔·乔丹要不断地提醒自己注意有关篮球的规则,他怎能把球打好呢?”

 

30. Judith Martin concurs. "A polite child grows up to get the friends and the dates and the job interviews," she says, "because people respond to good manners. It's the language of all human behavior."

30.朱迪斯·马丁赞同这一观点。“一个有礼貌的孩子长大成人后,能够结交到朋友、有约会可赴、有工作可选,”她说,“因为人们会对良好举止给予回报。良好的举止是全人类行为的语言。”

 

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