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(2007-03-15 16:08:25)
分类: 宝典收藏


Nurturing your kindergartner's self-esteem may seem like a hefty responsibility. After all, a feeling of self-worth lays the foundation for your kindergartner's future as she sets out to try new things on her own. "Self-esteem comes from having a sense of belonging, believing that we're capable, and knowing our contributions are valued and worthwhile," says California family therapist Jane Nelsen, co-author of the Positive Discipline series.
培养你孩子的自信,是你十分重要的一个责任。自我价值感会成为孩子自己探索新事物的基石。“自信来源于归属感、相信自己的能力,也来源于能明白值得为目标付出努力,而自己的努力是有价值的。” Jane Nelsen,加州家庭问题医生,<积极的纪律>的撰稿人如是说。

"As any parent knows, self-esteem is a fleeting experience," says Nelsen. "Sometimes we feel good about ourselves and sometimes we don't. What we are really trying to teach our kids are life skills like resiliency." Your goal as a parent is to ensure that your child develops pride and self-respect — in herself and in her cultural roots — as well as faith in her ability to handle life's challenges (for a 5-year-old that may mean standing on one foot for several seconds). Here are ten simple strategies to help you help boost your child's self-esteem:

“就像所有家长知道的,自信是一种经常变化的感受”,Jane Nelsen说,“有时我们自我感觉不错,另一些时候感觉不好。我们所要教给孩子的是生活技巧,比如怎样生活得有弹性。” 作为父母,你应该保证你的孩子逐渐发展为有自信心的人--在她内心深处和习惯根源上--同时,要确保她能建立“我能接受生活里的挑战”这样的观念。(对一个5岁的孩子而言,这挑战或许仅仅意味着是一只脚站立几秒钟。) 这里有10个简单的策略去帮助你去帮助促进你的孩子自信心的发展。

Give unconditional love. A child's self-esteem flourishes with the kind of no-strings-attached devotion that says, "I love you, no matter who you are or what you do." Your child benefits the most when you accept her for who she is regardless of her strengths, difficulties, temperament, or abilities. So lavish her with love. Give her plenty of cuddles, kisses, and pats on the shoulder. And don't forget to tell her how much you love her. When you do have to correct your child, make it clear that it's her behavior — not her — that's unacceptable. Instead of saying, "You're a naughty girl! Why can't you be good?" Say, "Pushing Nina isn't nice. It can hurt. Please don't push."


Pay attention. Carve out time to give your kindergartner your undivided attention — this can do wonders for a child's self-worth because it sends the message that you think she's important and valuable. And it doesn't have to take a lot of time. Stop flicking through the mail if she's trying to talk with you or turning off the TV long enough to answer a question. Make eye contact so it's clear that you're really listening to what she's saying. When you're strapped for time, you can let your child know without ignoring her needs. Say, "Tell me all about what you did at school, and then when you're finished I'll need to make our dinner."


Teach limits. Establish a few reasonable rules for your kindergartner and, when appropriate, ask for her input when you make or update the rules. For instance, if you tell your child she has to wear her helmet when she rides her bike in the driveway, don't let her go without it at a friend's house. Knowing that certain family rules are set in stone will help her feel more secure. It may take constant repetition on your part, but she'll start to live by your expectations soon enough. Just be clear and consistent and show her that you trust her and expect her to do the right thing.


Support healthy risks. Encourage your child to explore something unknown, such as trying a different food, finding a best pal, or riding a bike. Though there's always the possibility of failure, without risk there's little opportunity for success. So let your child safely experiment, and resist the urge to intervene. For instance, try not to "rescue" her if she's showing mild frustration over trying to shoot her basketball into her kid-sized hoop. Even jumping in to say, "I'll help you" can foster dependence and diminish your child's confidence. You'll build her self-esteem by balancing your need to protect her with her need to tackle new tasks.


Let mistakes happen. The flip side, of course, of having choices and taking risks is that sometimes your child is bound to make mistakes. These are valuable lessons for your child's confidence. So if your child breaks a beloved toy through rough handling, help her fix it and encourage her to think about what she might do differently next time. That way her self-esteem won't sag and she'll understand that it's okay to make mistakes sometimes. When you goof up yourself, admit it, says Daniel Meier, assistant professor of elementary education at San Francisco State University. Acknowledging and recovering from your mistakes sends a powerful message to your child — it makes it easier for your child to accept her own struggles.

事物都有正反两方面,对发生错误的容忍,有时可能会有一个消极后果,就是导致孩子喜欢犯错。 但,这对你的孩子的信心是有价值的经验。所以,如果你的孩子因为粗鲁的操作弄坏了一个心爱的玩具,帮助她去修理这个玩具,并且鼓励她去思考,下一次用不同的方法去操作。这样她的自信心就不会受打击下降,而且她会理解当有时犯错误的时候应该怎样做。旧金山州立大学基本教育助理教授Daniel Meier说,当你自己把事情弄糟的时候,承认它。承认和弥补你的错误会给孩子发出一个强有力的信息,让她更容易接受她自己在困难中的努力。

Celebrate the positive. Everyone responds well to encouragement, so make an effort to acknowledge the good things your child does every day within her earshot. For instance, tell her dad, "Julia helped cook dinner." She'll get to bask in the glow of your praise and her dad's heartening response. And be specific. Instead of saying "Good job," say, "Thank you for waiting so patiently in line at the grocery store." This will enhance her sense of accomplishment and self-worth and let her know exactly what she did right.


Listen well. If your child needs to talk, stop and listen to what she has to say. She needs to know that her thoughts, feelings, desires, and opinions matter. Help her get comfortable with her emotions by labeling them. Say, "I know you're sad because we have to go home now." By accepting her emotions without judgment you validate her feelings and show that you value what she has to say. If you share your own feelings ("I'm excited about going to the zoo"), she'll gain confidence in expressing her own.


Resist comparisons. Comments such as "Why can't you be more like your sister?" or "Why can't you be nice like Makayla?" will just remind your child of her difficulties in a way that fosters shame, envy, and competition. Even positive comparisons such as "You're the best player" are potentially damaging because a child can find it hard to live up to this image. If you let your child know you appreciate her for the unique individual she is, she'll be more likely to value herself too.
注意类似这样的话“为什么你不能更像你姐姐?”,或者“为什么你不能像Makayla 一样好?”这些只会提醒你的孩子羞愧,嫉妒,竞争。即使是积极的比较,类似这样“你是最好的参赛者”,也有潜在的危害,因为一个孩子可能发现她很难去达到这个描述。如果你让你的孩子知道你赏识她,仅仅是因为她是一个独一无二的她,她将更可能重视她的价值。

Offer empathy. If your child begins to compare herself unfavorably to her siblings or peers ("Why can't I read as well as Maia?") show her empathy and then emphasize one of her strengths. For instance, say, "You're right, Maia does read well. And you're a great singer." This approach can help your child learn that we all have strengths and weaknesses, and that she doesn't have to be perfect to feel good about herself.
如果你的孩子开始不适当的去比较她自己和她的兄弟姐妹或者同样的人(“为什么我不能读的和Maia 一样好呢?”),要表现出认同,然后去强调一个她的长处。比如,你说“你是对的,Maia 的朗读确实好,而你是一个伟大的歌手”。这个方法可以帮助你的孩子了解了我们所有的人都有优点和缺点,她不需要成为完美的,才能让自己感觉好。

Provide encouragement. Every child needs the kind of support from loved ones that signals, "I believe in you. I see your effort. Keep going!" Encouragement means acknowledging progress — not just rewarding achievement. So if your kindergartner is struggling to sound out words, say: "You're trying very hard and you almost have it!" instead of "Not like that. Let me show you."

There's a difference between praise and encouragement. One rewards the task while the other rewards the person. ("You did it!" rather than "I'm proud of you!") Praise can make a child feel that she's only "good" if she does something perfectly. Encouragement, on the other hand, acknowledges the effort. "Tell me about your drawing. I see that you like purple" is more helpful than saying, "That's the most beautiful picture I've ever seen." Too much praise can sap self-esteem because it can create pressure to perform and set up a continual need for approval from others. So dole out the praise judiciously and offer encouragement liberally; it will help your child grow up to feel good about herself.
赞美和鼓励是不同的。前者奖励的是任务,后者奖励的当事人。(说“你做到了!”比“我为你感到骄傲”好。)赞美会让孩子感觉如果她把事情做完美了,她才够“好”。另一方面,鼓励可以承认她的努力。“和我谈谈你的图画,我发现你喜欢紫色” 比说“这是我所见过的最美丽的图画”更有帮助。太多的赞美可以逐渐侵蚀自信,因为它会引起完成任务的压力,制造希望不断得到其他人认同的需要。所以要审慎的给予赞美,不受限制的进行鼓励,这将帮助你的孩子自我感觉良好的成长。


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