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自立的陷阱是什么?

(2008-11-13 06:49:38)
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英语教育

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教育

分类: 人文经典双语阅读

自立的陷阱是什么?

简介

尽管自立的好处似乎显而易见,我仍认为那些想要自立的人,在完善自我和追求美好生活的过程中,要警惕可能出现的疑问、陷阱和诡计。

  凭借自己在健康工业工作的经验,我在通往美好生活的道路上帮助人们已经有二十年左右了。在过去的五、六年里,我投入了更多的时间和精力在个人发展这个广阔领域开发一个谋生之道。这是一个趣味盎然的旅程,一路行来,我学到了很多(而且还在继续学下去)。

  尽管致力于“自己”的好处似乎显然易见,我还是认为,有些疑问、陷阱和诡计需要打算自立的人在完善自我和追求美好生活的过程中留意。

1.自立,以自我为中心

  不断致力于“自己”的一个潜在的危险是我们会不知不觉地变得专注自我,自私自利,意识不到他人的需要并与现实脱节。有些热衷于个人发展的人过于专注自我(自己的世界,自己的问题,自己的麻烦,自己的关系,自己的身体,自己的财务情况),以致于很难和那些与自己心态不同,价值观不同,看法不同或思想不同的人和睦相处,志趣相投,沟通融洽。有时,我们需要限制一下自己的现实、处境、目标、需求和渴望,把时间、精力和爱无私地完全奉献给别人。如此一来,我们会发现真正的成长和学识从何而来。

2.自立的福音传播者

  如果你真想与他人绝交,那就指出他们的缺点,指明他们的做法的不足之处,向他们证明你在自立的过程中变得多么聪明,并尽最大努力把他们转到你恪守的信仰上来。毕竟,是为他们自己好,对吗?

3.理论不是现实

  知道做什么事和做知道的事之间有很大的距离。知道做什么的能人太多了,但一到做的时候就无能为力了。你明白我的确切意思,因为有很多次,你本来知道应该做什么,却理直气壮地什么也不做。我知道这点,因为我们这么做过。从很多方面来说,我们是历史上最有知识同时也是最无知的一代。

  我们的学识无与伦比,而我们的行为不是愚昧无知,就是不责任。我们身材肥胖,债台高筑,相互打仗,我们的星球几乎满员……不同的是,我们在腾飞!噢,至少我们懂得潜在的理论!要是我们认识到大多数问题,本来就是行为问题,而不是教育问题该多好啊。改变自己的行为,就将改变自己的未来。在很多情况下,最好的经验教训和最快速的进步不是来自于书本、讲习班、网站或DVD(理论),而是来自于抓住机遇,积极行动,将理论变为实际——进行实际应用。

  要在干中学习,而不是通过看书听广播学习。从改变个人前途的角度来说,像这样的网站只有在我们专注于所看内容的时候才有价值。老实说,太多的人乐意看,却并不真正参与行动。

4.崇拜权威

  这是我经常抱怨的事。一定要尊重人(如果他们值得尊重),但不要崇拜他们。有些人不去强化自身能力,却去强化他们的导师,把他们变成自己的崇拜对象。这真是时间和精力的浪费,徒劳无益。

  如果想努力把崇拜对象(导师、模范、老师)看成和你一样是有缺点的普通人,想象一下他或她清晨上厕所的样子,就能帮你确定(如果你正在吃东西,抱歉)。菲尔博士,托尼·罗宾斯,欧普拉,甚至帝帕都要每天上厕所、都伤害过别人、都说过谎、都犯过很多错误(而且还会继续犯错误),也都有缺点,因为他们是优秀的、惊人的、独特的……人。和我们大家一样。是的,他们有天赋,受到追捧,有成就(在某些方面),但是,不管你信不信,他们实际上和你一样。

  要是知道就好了。对你来说,他们的地位可能就会不同,和你没什么不一样。在某方面,在某种程度上,我们都有官能障碍。别告诉别人这是我说的,根据我的经验,往往最“完美”的人实际上官能障碍最严重。

5.代价太高

  我不是建议人们不要在接受教育、激发灵感或提高兴趣上下功夫,而是说要保证你的投资有很好的收益,还要知道你要得到什么,要理智而谨慎地付出你自立的代价。如果你已经参加了五十七次讲习班和研讨会,而你的生活和境况还没有实质性变化,那么再多的活动也不会帮你达到目的。

  我有一个网站,是拥有五百多篇文章,主题涉及面广泛的完全免费的信息资源,在这里你不会真的误入岐途。我的讲习班要付出相当于同样活动和我的书的五分之一的费用,DVD和CD相比较而言还能负担得起,所以,我在尽最大努力把网站做成大众易得的资源,同时也努力以专业演说家和作者的身份赚取生活费用。噢,不,我不是建议你买我的任何产品或参加我的任何研讨会,我在建议你,不管你为自立付出什么,在哪方面付出,一定要明白你能得到什么。

  实实在在地说,我知道很多人参加我的某项活动是在浪费时间,因为他们并不真的想听我不得不说的话,而且也没准备去做能真正给生活带来变化所必须做的事。我感兴趣的不是在某一天令人们热血沸腾,头脑发热,我感兴趣的是以一种真诚的、真正实用的方法帮助人们永久改变自己的生活。顺便说一句,如果在这个网站我和你的关系只是读者,我会为此而高兴,很荣幸成为你的人生旅程的一小部分。

6.一些胡言

  依我之陋(有时,不受欢迎)见,一些有关个人发展的作品是言之无物、晦涩难懂、空话连篇、但感觉良好的大话,是不实用的,不真实的,不能长期改变人们的生活。事实上,它常常破坏你的生活,因为它给人以误导。一些作者和演说家更关心的是交朋友和赢得粉丝,而不是讲真理,不管那个观点是多么流行或不受欢迎。

  “你能做任何想做的事”的观点确切地说不是真理。事实上,那是胡说八道。不错,我们都可以学习、成长、变化,能够完善“自我”(如果我们努力工作),但是,我们都能做我们想做的任何事吗?不能。如果我真真真真的想做,我能在9.6秒内跑完100米吗?不能。如果我们足够努力,都能进NBA,NFL,或者AFL吗?不能。如果人数众多、雄心勃勃的年轻演员专注于自我,他们都能成功地成为大明星吗?不能。大多数音乐家都能一曲成名吗?不能。我或你能永远无所畏惧(犹如没有恐惧)吗?不能。这不是消极,这是现实。这是生活。这是世界运行的方式,是我们工作的方式。成为聚焦点、变得乐观、热情,受到追捧,这很好,真实而有效地在生活中创造积极永久的变化也很重要。

  不要把炒作、激情、一时的冲动、自立的行话、摇滚乐和感觉良好的气氛与实施过程和真正创造一生的变化混为一谈。充斥着烟酒和流行乐团的周末不能自动等同于较好的生活。你真的相信,大多数参加“永久改变你的生活,在这里多花点钱”活动的人真能创造有意义的、一生(犹如,永远不同)的变化吗?这些活动可以是令人吃惊的,只要

1)它提供的资料是恰当而有意义的   2)我们不停地、勤奋地致力于我们的一生所学!

7.创造一生的成果与任何活动(书,DVD,讲习班,研讨会,权威)无关,它和你有关。

  世界上所有个人发展的信息资源都不能改变你的生活,哪怕一点点。唯一能永久改变你生活的是你。我讨厌把这样的产品(不错,产品是用来出售的),作为“解决你的问题的方法”来出售。这些东西不是答案,是信息资源。这些资源对你有多重要,要看利用它们做了什么

  有多少人在我的网站看了将近两年而没有切实改变生活中的一件事?很多。为什么?因为我的网站只是信息资源,由于一系列的原因,它们不能提供知识。我只能改变自己的生活。我可心影响人们,但不能改变任何人。谨防宣称能解决你的问题的人。我可以激励你、鼓励你、培训你、支持你……但是只有能改变你自己。

  只有你能为自己考虑,为自己选择,为自己而做出努力。你是自己最大的资源,也是自己最大的障碍……在同一时刻!那么,不要再挡自己的路,开始发挥自己的潜能吧。是的,你能做出生命中令人惊叹的事,但最大的问题是你做吗?

What Are the Self-Help Pitfalls?

I’ve worked for a couple of decades (or so!) helping people along the path towards their best life via my career in the fitness industry. Over the last five or six years, I’ve committed much more of my time and energy into developing a career in the big, weird world of Personal Development. It has been an interesting journey and I’ve learned (and continue to learn) much along the way.

While the benefits of working on ‘us’ are seemingly obvious, I believe there are a few challenges, pitfalls, and curve balls that the would-be self-helper needs to be mindful of in his or her search for their best self and best life.

1. Self-Help Selfishness.

One of the potential dangers of constantly working on us is that we can inadvertently become self-absorbed, selfish, unaware of the needs of others and disconnected from reality. Some Personal Development devotees are so ’self-focused’ (their world, their issues, their problems, their relationships, their body, their finances) that they struggle to relate to, take an interest in, and connect with people who don’t have the same mindset, values, attitudes or thinking. Sometimes we need to put our own reality, situation, goals, needs and desires on hold for a while and simply and selflessly invest time, energy and love into others with no agenda. And in doing so, we might discover where the real growth and learning happens.

2. The Self-Help Evangelist.

If you really want to alienate people, point out all their faults, show them the error of their ways, demonstrate how clever you’ve become on your self-help journey and do your best to convert them to your Religion. After all, it’s for their own good right?

3. Theory isn’t Reality.

There’s a lot of space between knowing what to do and doing what we know. Far too many people are champions at the knowing part but completely useless when it comes to the doing. You know exactly what I mean because there have been many times when you’ve known what you should be doing but have rationalised yourself into doing nothing. I know this because we’ve all done it. In many ways, we are simultaneously the most educated and the most stupid generation in history.

We’ve never been more educated but we’ve never behaved less intelligently or responsibly. We’re fat, we’re in massive debt, we’re at war with each other and our planet is almost stuffed… but other than that, we’re flying! Oh well, at least we understand all the theory behind it! If only we realised that most of our problems are behavioural in origin, not educational. Change your behaviours and you will change your outcomes. More often than not the best lessons and the biggest growth-spurts don’t come from books, workshops, websites or DVDs (the theory), they come from taking chances, being pro-active and turning those theories into a reality - doing the practical.

Learning by doing as opposed to learning by reading or listening. From a personal change perspective, sites like this are only valuable when we apply what we read. And to be honest, too many people are happy to spectate rather than actually get in the game.

4. Guru Worship.

This is one of my pet peeves. By all means, respect people (if they deserve it) but don’t worship them. Instead of empowering themselves, some people actually empower their Guru and turn them into a demi-god. Such an unproductive waste of time and energy.

If you’re struggling to see your Guru (mentor, role model, teacher) as a normal, flawed, human being just like you, then picture him/her taking an early-morning dump; that should fix it for you (sorry if you’re eating). Doctor Phil, Tony Robbins, Oprah and even Deepak all take a crap every day, have all hurt people, have all told lies, have all made massive mistakes (and will continue to) and are all flawed because they are wonderfully, amazingly, uniquely… human. As we all are. Yes they are gifted, driven and successful (in some ways) but believe it or not, they’re no better than you.

If only YOU knew that. They might be in a different place to you, but they’re no better. In some way, to some extent, we’re all dysfunctional. And don’t tell anyone I told you this but in my experience, quite often the most ‘perfect’ people are actually the most dysfunctional.

5. It’s Freakin’ Expensive.

I’m not suggesting that people shouldn’t pay for education, inspiration or motivation, but what I am saying is make sure you get a good return on your investment and know what you’re buying. Spend your self-help bucks wisely and thoughtfully. If you’ve already done fifty seven workshops and seminars, and your life and situation is essentially the same, then another break-through program probably ain’t gonna do the trick for you.

I have a website that is a completely free resource with over five hundred articles on a wide range of subject matter, so you can’t really go wrong here! My workshops cost about one fifth of similar programs and my books, DVD’s and CD’s are relatively affordable, so I’m doing my best to be an easily-accessible resource to the masses, while also trying to make a living as a professional speaker and writer. And no, I’m not suggesting that you buy any of my products or attend any of my seminars, but I am suggesting that whatever you spend and wherever you spend those self-help bucks, know what it is you’re paying for.

To be completely honest, I know that many people would be wasting their time by attending one of my programs because they don’t actually want to hear what I have to say and they’re not ready to do what needs to be done to create real change. I’m not interested in making people feel warm and fuzzy for a day; I’m interested in helping people change their life forever in an honest, real and practical way. By the way, if the only relationship I ever have with you is as a reader of this site, I’m happy for that and honoured to be a tiny part of your journey.

6. Some of it’s Crap.

In my humble (and at times, unpopular) opinion, some personal development stuff is mindless, mumbo-jumbo, wishy-washy, feel-good bullshit. It’s not practical, it’s not realistic and it doesn’t change lives over the long term. In fact it often damages lives because it’s misleading. Some writers and speakers are more concerned with making friends and winning fans than speaking the truth no matter how popular or unpopular that message may be.

The “you-can-be-whatever-you-want” message ain’t exactly the truth. In fact, it’s crap. Yes we can all learn, grow, change and become the best ‘us’ possible (if we do the work), but can we all do whatever we want? Nope. If I reaaaaaally wanted to, could I run 100 metres (meters) in 9.6 seconds? Nope? Can we all make it in the NBA, the NFL or the AFL if we work hard enough? Nope. Will the vast majority of hungry young actors make it as big stars if they apply themselves? Nope. Will most musicians ever have a hit single? Nope. Will you or I ever be fearless (as in, zero fear)? Nope. This is not negativity; it’s reality. It’s life. It’s how the world works. It’s how we work. It’s great to be focused, optimistic, passionate and driven, it’s also great to be realistic and practical about how we should create positive and lasting change in our life.

Don’t confuse hype, emotion, temporary motivation, self-help jargon, rock music and a feel-good atmosphere with the practical process and realities of creating life-long change. A weekend of razzle-dazzle, smoke machines and group hugs doesn’t automatically equate to a better life. Do you really believe that the majority of people who attend the “change-your-life-forever-and-spend-lots-of-money-while-you’re-here” programs actually create significant, life-long (as in, different forever) change as a result of that program? These programs can be amazing but only
1) if the information is relevant and meaningful, and 2) if we consistently and diligently apply what we’ve learned for a LIFE TIME!

7. Creating life-long results ain’t about any program (book, DVD, workshop, seminar, Guru); it’s about you.

All the personal development resources in the world can’t change your life one bit. The only thing that can change your life forever is YOU. I hate products (yes, they are products for sale) which are marketed as “the answer to your problems”. These things are not answers, they are resources. How valuable these resources will be to you, depends on WHAT YOU DO with them.

How many people have been reading my site for nearly two years without actually changing a thing in their life? Plenty. Why? Because my site is only a resource and for a range of reasons, they haven’t applied the information. The only life I can change is mine. I can influence people but I can’t change anyone. Beware the person who claims to be the answer to your problems. I can motivate you, encourage you, educate you and support you… but only YOU can change you.

Only you can think for you, choose for you and DO for you. You are your greatest resource and your biggest hurdle…. all at the same time! So stop getting in your own way and start using your potential. Yes you can do amazing things in your life, but the big question is WILL YOU?

 

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