1 Happily ever after

Monday 27 January

The wilderness years are over. For four weeks and five days now have been in functional relationship with adult male thereby proving am not love pariah as previously feared.

       Well, do not have to but horrifying truth is want to, in bizarre possibly genetic-throwback-style way such as could not admit to Sharon.

       Was my mother, walking into my café bold as brass in a Country Casuals pleated skirt and apple-green blazer with shiny gold buttons, like a spaceman turning up in the House of Commons squirting slime and sitting itself down calmly on the front bench.

       “You are not going to you-know-what with him, are you? He won’t marry you, you know.”

       Am assured, receptive, responsive woman of substance.

       Oh God, feel guilty with Jude and Sharon now I have boyfriend, almost like traitorous double-crossing side-switching guerrilla.

       “OK,” said Shaz excitedly, “Sometimes instincts override higher-level thinking.”

词汇：

1．  Pariah: If you describe someone as a pariah, you mean that other people dislike them so much that they refuse to associate with them.

2．  Scrambled eggs: 炒鸡蛋，摊鸡蛋

3．  Thought vibe: 心灵感应

4．  Cappuccino: a kind of coffee

5．  Bolt upright: 笔直地

6．  Genetic-throwback-style: 退化？

7．  Marquee: 大帐篷

8．  Recept:

9．  Pleated: 起褶的

10．              Blazer: (与裤子不配套的)男式便上装 1. 色彩鲜艳的运动上衣 2. 燃烧体;发光体

11．              Pop in: 突然进来

12．              do the colors:

13．              Sulky: 生气的，阴沉的

14．              Rushed-off-her-feet waitress: 忙得团团转的女服务员

15．              Stick-in-the-mud: 陷入泥坑

16．              Fudges and slurries: 梦话，胡说八道，蒙混

17．              Fathomable: 可测的，看得透的

18．              Plea: 恳求，辩解

19．              Tube escalator: 电动扶梯，自动扶梯

20．              De-caf: 脱咖啡因咖啡

21．              Huff: 激怒，发怒，恫吓

22．              Trustafatian:

23．              Earflap: 御寒用之耳罩

24．              Headset: 戴在头上的耳机或听筒

25．              Pram: 婴儿车

26．              Mixed up: 混淆

27．              Moony: 恍惚的

28．              You-know-what: 一厢情愿？

29．              Wee

30．              Clunk: 沉闷的金属声；发出沉闷声

31．              Lurid: 耸人听闻的

32．              Levelly: 不动心地

33．              Whizz: 子弹等在空中掠过的声音，精明的人；飕飕作声；赶快离开

34．              Bugger: 同性恋者

35．              Open-plan: 开放学制

36．              Litter: 乱丢，垃圾

37．              Telltale: 搬弄是非者，告密的人；搬弄是非的，泄密的

38．              Inflatable: 通货膨胀的；膨胀的

39．              Shag: 粗烟丝，粗毛，蓬乱一团

40．              Flashback: 急转，闪回，倒叙

41．              Assured: 确定的，确实的

42．              Receptive: 善于接受的，能接纳的

43．              Responsive: 响应的，做出响应的

44．              Substance: 物质，实质，主旨

45．              Clamp: 夹子

46．              Potty: 微不足道的；便壶

47．              Tuck：活力，鼓声，点心；打褶，卷起，挤进

48．              Ditch: 沟，沟渠

49．              Overcompensated: [心]过度代偿

50．              Amnesty International: 大赦国际

51．              Under-secretary: 次长，副部长

52．              Jolly: 欢乐的，高兴的，快活的

53．              Hoity-toitily:

54．              Bellow: 吼叫，咆哮

55．              Pinko: 左倾分子

56．              Neurotically: 发神经似地

57．              Canter：慢跑

58．              Trill: 颤声；用抖动的声音说；发出抖动的声音

59．              Snigger: 吃吃窃笑，偷偷的笑

60．              Growl: 咆哮，发牢骚地说

61．              Smirk: 傻笑；假笑

62．              Throatily: 嘶哑地

63．              Cosy: 舒适的，安逸的

64．              Scalded: 烫伤的

65．              Militia: 民兵

66．              Clenched-teethedly: 咬着牙

67．              Re-tread: 翻新

68．              Bollock:

69．              Retard: 累赘

2 Jellyfish at large

Tuesday 28 January

词汇：

1．  Win-win mentality: 争取双赢的心态

2．  Sacking meeting: 务虚会？

3．  Equilibrium: 平衡；平静；均衡

4．  Double up: 与别人挤住在一起

5．  Nightie: （孩子或女人的）睡衣

6．  Surge：汹涌；放松；滑脱

7．  Loll：懒洋洋地倚靠

8．  Incredulously：怀疑的；不轻信的

9．  Tail off：掉头跑开

10．              Crass：粗鲁的，愚钝的，粗糙的

11．              Gaff：赌博；欺骗；大鱼叉

12．              Hysterical: 歇斯底里的，异常兴奋的

13．              Crushed: 压碎；（使）变形

14．              Raspberry: 悬钩子

15．              Galliano：高卢

16．              Aquamarine: 绿玉，碧绿色

17．              Off the hook: 摆脱困境

18．              Bunny: 小兔子

19．              Demeaning: 遍地身份的

20．              Outfit：全套装备；用具

21．              Blow-up:

22．              Cellulite: 脂肪团

23．              Gush：涌出

24．              Rivet: 铆钉

25．              Crackle: 发出劈啪声

26．              Raw-gidge:

27．              Tantamount: 等价

28．              Hallucinatory: 幻觉的；引起幻觉的

29．              Reel：旋转，眩晕，摇晃

30．              Lucidity: 明朗，清晰，透明

31．              Gabble: 急促不清楚地说话，七嘴八舌地说

32．              Bluster: 风狂吹，咆哮，吓唬

33．              Enclave: 被包围的领土

34．              Lascivious: 好色的，淫荡的

35．              At a whim: 一时兴起

 

Wednesday 29 January

Evening keeps coming back to me disturbingly in lumps.

Jude: “I’m a re-tread. That guy said women over thirty are just walking pulsating ovaries.”

 

词汇：

1．  Lumps：块煤

2．  Pulsating：搏动的，跳动的；

3．  Ovaries: 卵巢，子房

4．  Snort: 喷鼻息

5．  Backlash：反斜线，后座，后冲

6．  Rant: 咆哮，激昂地说

7．  Chardonnay: 夏敦埃酒（一种类似夏布利酒的无甜味白葡萄酒）

8．  Gruffly: 粗暴地，粗声地

9．  Wobbling: 摆动，颤动

10．              Deflate: 放气，抽出空气，使缩小，紧缩（通货）；缩小

11．              Flinch: 畏缩

12．              Glug: 大口喝

13．              Beguiling: 欺骗的，消遣的

14．              Dissect: 解剖，切开

15．              Mentionities:

16．              Silk Cut:

17．              Smug: 自鸣得意的

18．              Pirouette: 以脚尖旋转

19．              Slur: 忽视；污点

20．              blurry bustards:

 

Thursday 30 January

 

词汇：

1．  Vivacious: 活泼的，快活的

2．  Sepulchral: 坟墓的，埋葬的 sepulchral whisper?

 

Friday 31 January D-Day

词汇：

1．  Louche: 品德有问题的；声名狼藉的

2．  White spirit：石油溶剂油

3．  Sleek：圆滑的

4．  Huff-puff:

5．  Boob-tube电视机

6．  Chuck：抛弃，赶走，轻拍

3 Doooom!

4 Persuasion

Monday 24 February

“Wait, wait.” Jude was staring hard at Emotional Intelligence. “Was his wife unfaithful to him?”

       “Yes,” I mumbled through a mouthful of Twix. “A week after their wedding. With Daniel.”

       “Hmmm. You see it sounds to me that he was also having an Emotional Hijacking, probably because of an earlier emotional ‘bruise’ that you have inadvertently hit. ”

      

       The spectre of Rebecca loomed up, filling the room like an inflatable monster.

 

       7 p.m. Played the message over the phone to Shaz and said, “Should I call him back?”

       “No! Let him suffer. If he’s chucked you and changed his mind he’s got to prove he bloody well deserves you.”

 

8.35 p.m. Oh, though. Maybe he is sad. Hate thinking of him sitting in his Newcastle United tee-shirt being sad. Maybe I should just ring him and get to the bottom of it.

 

8.50 p.m. I said uncertainly: “Should I ring him tomorrow maybe?”

“No, if you want to get back together, you’ve got to leave it unsullied by scenes. So wait four or five days till you’ve recovered your composure, then, yes, there’s nothing wrong with giving him a light, friendly call just to let him know everything’s OK.”

 

       11 p.m. He hasn’t rung. Of fuck. Am so confused. Whole dating world is like hideous game of bluff and double bluff with men and women firing at each other from opposite lines of sandbags. Is as if there is a set of rules that you are supposed to be sticking to, but no one knows what they are so everyone just makes up their own. Then you end up getting chucked because you didn’t follow the rules correctly, but how could you be expected to, when you didn’t know what they were in the first place?

 

词汇

1．  Unplug: 拔去塞子；去掉障碍物

2．  Twix:

3．  Mumble: 喃喃而语，咕哝，闭嘴细嚼

4．  Inadvertent: 不注意的，疏忽的，无意中做的

5．  Spectre: 鬼性

6．  Loom: 织布机；隐现，迫近

 

Tuesday 25 February

8.45 p.m. Maybe Magda is right. Maybe I just assumed that he was chucking me and he didn’t mean that at all. Maybe in the car he was just upset about the whole snogging thing and wanted me to say something and now he thinks I am avoiding him! Am going to ring. That is the trouble with modern (or ex) relationships, there just isn’t enough communication.

 

Friday 28 February

       I followed Una’s pointing finger to where Mark, dressed in his dark blue overcoat and a very white, semi-undone shirt, was getting out of a taxi. As if in slow motion, I saw a figure emerging from the back of the cab: tall, slim, with long blonde hair, laughing into his face. It was Rebecca

The level of torture unleashed in the range rover was unbelievable... the only silent people were me and Wellington, who took my hand and held it, very still and strong, without saying a word.

When we reached my flat he climbed out of the Range Rover to let me out, with the babble of “Well! I mean his first wife left him, didn’t she?” “Well exactly. No smoke without fire,” in the background.

“In darkness the stone becomes the buffalo,” Wellington said, “In sunlight all is as it is.”

“Thanks,” I said gratefully, then stumbled back to the flat wondering if I could turn Rebecca into a buffalo and set her on fire without creating enough smoke to alert Scotland Yard.

 

5 Mr Darcy, Mr Darcy

Sunday 2 March

5.30 a.m. Weird how quickly time goes when you have a hangover. Is because you have so few thoughts: exactly opposite to when people are drowning, entire life flashes past and moment seems to last fore ever because they are having so many thoughts.

 

Monday 3 March

“Pamela. Your culture has evolved over many centuries. When outside influence appears you must not allow it to infect and dilute your birthright. As we discussed, worldwide travel brings a responsibility to observe, not to destroy.” Could not help wondering how Wellington’s brand new CD Walkman fitted into all this, but Mum was nodding penitently. Had never seen her so under anyone’s spell before.

词汇：

1．  Pawn: 棋子；抵押物，人质

2．  Clay-pigeon：陶土飞靶

3．  Scrounge: 占有，行乞，搜寻

4．  Greaseproof: 不透油的

5．  Thought-groove:

6．  Paprika: 辣椒粉

7．  Gibberish: 快速而不清的言语

8．  Chime out：

9．  Pinny:　围裙

10．              Galvanize: 通电流于，电镀

11．              Bludgeon: 大头棒

12．              Genial: 亲切的

13．              Blotchy: 到处有污点的，有泡的

14．              Death on a stick:

15．              Keepy-uppy:

16．              Penitent: 悔过的

 

6 Italian Job

7 Mood-swinging Singletons

Saturday 26 April

词汇：

1.       pashmina: Shazzer is Simon’s “pashmina” because she wants to shag him most so he diminished her and Simon is Shazzer’s “pashmaster”—Tom.

2.       Pashmincer: A friend who you really fancy who’s actually gay.

3.       Pashmarried: A friend who you used to go out with and is now married with children who likes having you around as memory of old life but makes you feel like mad barren pod-womb imagining vicar is in love with self.

4.       Ex-pashspurt: An ex-partner who wants to get back with you but pretends just to want to be friends then keeps making passes and getting cross.

Monday 28 April

Code of dating practice

1)        If citizens know they do not want to go out with someone else they must not egg them on in the first place.

2)        When a man and woman decide they would like to sleep together, if either party knows they just want a “fling” this should be clearly stated beforehand.

3)        If citizens snog or shag other citizens they must not pretend nothing is going on.

4)        Citizens must not go out with other citizens for years and tears but keep on saying they don’t want to get too serious.

5)        After sexual relations it is definitely bad manners not to stay the night.

 

Smug Marriage Promotional Suggestions

1)        Teach Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus in schools so both sides of opposing armies understand each other.

2)        Teach all boy children that sharing the housework does not mean twiddling one fork under the tap;

3)        Form giant Government Matchmaking Agency for Singletons, with strict Code of Dating Practice, Mate-seekers Allowance for drinks, phone calls, cosmetics etc., penalties for Emotional Fuckwittage and rule that you have to go on at least 12 government-arranged dates before you can declare yourself a Singleton; and only then if have reasonable grounds for rejecting all 12.

4)        If grounds are deemed unreasonable, them you have to declare yourself a Fuckwit.

 

8 Oh Baby

9 Social Hell

Sunday 13 July

“Oh, I love that!” Rebecca. “If I were married to someone I really loved I would want to be with them constantly.”

       “Would you?” he said eagerly. Then he went on. “I think, as you get older, then … the danger is if you’ve been single for a time, you get so locked into a network of friends – this is particularly true of women – that it hardly leaves room for a man in their lives, emotionally as much as anything because their friends and their views are their first point of reference.”

       “Oh, I quite agree. For me, of course I love my friends, but they’re not top of my list of priorities.”

       You’re telling me, I thought. There was silence, then Mark burst out again.

       “This self-help book nonsense – all these mythical rules of conduct you’re presumed to be following. And you just know every move you make is being dissected by a committee of girlfriends according to some breathtakingly arbitrary code made up of Buddhism Today, Venus and Buddha Have a Shag and the Koran. You end up feeling like some laboratory mouse with an ear on its back.”

       I clutched my book, heart pounding. Surely this couldn’t be how he saw what had happened with me?

       But Rebecca was off on one again. “Oh, I quite agree,” she gushed. “I have no time for all that stuff. If I decide I love someone then nothing will stand in my way. Nothing. Not friends, not theories. I just follow my instincts, follow my heart,” she said in new simpery voice, like a flower girl-child of nature.

       “I respect you for that,” said Mark quietly. “A woman must know what she believes in, otherwise how can you believe in her yourself?”

       “And trust her man above all else,” said Rebecca in yet another voice, resonant and breath-controlled, like an affected actress doing Shakespeare.

       Then there was an excruciating silence. I was dying, dying frozen to the spot, assuming they were kissing.

       …

       “Giles seems to be very keen on Bridget!” Rebecca burst in, obviously sensing she had veered off course.

       There was a pause. Then Mark said, in an unusually high-pitched voice, “Oh really. And is … is this reciprocated?”

       “Oh, you know Bridget,” said Rebecca airily. “I mean Jude says she’s got all these guys after her” – good old Jude, I started to think – “but she’s so screwed up she won’t – well, as you say, she can’t get it together with any of them.”

       “Really?” Mark jumped in. “So have there been …”

       “Oh, I think – you know – but she’s so bogged down in her rules of dating or whatever it is that no one’s good enough.”

       Could not work out what was going on. Maybe Rebecca was trying to make him stop feeling guilty about me.

“Really?” said Mark again. “So she isn’t …”

“Oh, look, there’s a duckling! Oh, look, a whole brood of ducklings! And there’s the mother and father. Oh, what a perfect, perfect moment! Oh, let’s go look!”