The Perils of Parenthood

                  妈妈不好当

                                          Author Unknown

                                               余刚  译

 在电影《盗墓迷城2》的结尾，男主角顶着啤酒桶般的肚子，腋下夹着儿子一路狂奔进安全的地方，然后一屁股坐下，喘着粗气对儿子说：“做父亲……真不容易！”确实如此，但现实中母亲就更难当了，她们在精神和肉体上承受的压力并非做子女的都能明白，读完下文后更有这种感觉，所以任何时候都要孝顺父母哦！(Amelia)

 I am a firm believer that parenthood should come with an instruction 1)pamphlet. As a young adult, I was convinced that I would be among the few that were completely confident in having and raising a child. After all, I had been raised on a farm, and had seen countless mares and cows enter motherhood. They made it seem simple enough.

 The 2)harshness of reality first hit when I became pregnant. Even though some women 3)radiate beauty when they are expecting, I did not. The countless trips to the bathroom-as a result of 4)morning sickness-left me with the feeling that I had no toenails remaining. After several treks to the 5)amicable bathroom, the toilet and I came to know each other on a first name basis.

 Once, during a journey to the bathroom, during my seventh month of pregnancy, my sweet and well-meaning husband 6)intercepted me in the hall. Looking lovingly into my eyes, he kissed me gently on the cheek and told me that I was beautiful. I gazed back at him through 7)blood-shot eyes, and, in my usual morning 8)stupor, I reasoned that either my dear husband had gone completely 9)insane, that he had gone temporarily blind, or that he was an ill-skilled 10)pathological liar. I chose the theory of temporarily blindness, and once again started 11)shuffling slowly down the hall to the bathroom. A quick glance in the bathroom mirror confirmed that I looked the way I felt. My eyes looked like 12)poached eggs, and my 13)bloating midsection convinced me that I was beginning to take on the appearance of my 14)bovine and 15)equine 16)counterparts.

 After I gave birth to my son, I once again blissfully entered into the unreasonable personal belief that parenthood was a breeze. During my stay in the hospital, there were other people to care for my son, while I was 17)pampered and treated like a queen. Reality once again reared its ugly head the day we were to take our son from the hospital.

 A smiling nurse from the 18)nursery brought our little bundle into the room as we were packing. “I’m really sorry madam, but I didn’t get a chance to change your son. You might want to change his 19)diaper before you leave.” With that, the jolly nurse handed me my precious son and left the room. I felt beads of 20)perspiration forming on my forehead as I realized I had no clue on how to change the little 21)tyke’s diaper.

翻译: 

我坚持认为，为人父母，应该配备一本育儿指南。只有极少数人对养育孩子信心十足，而年轻的我曾认为自己就是其中之一。毕竟，我在农场里长大，看过无数的雌牛、雌马孕育后代。从它们身上可以看出，这事儿真是再简单不过了。

 但是一开始怀孕，我就受到现实的残酷打击。有些人怀孕时依然美丽动人，而我却相反。由于妊娠反应，我老是往厕所跑，频繁得几乎连脚趾甲也磨掉了。在我去了几趟厕所后，我和友善的厕所已经开始互相了解，关系就像一家人一样。

 怀孕七个月时，有一次在我上洗手间途中，我那甜蜜深情的丈夫在大厅里拦住了我。他含情脉脉地看着我的眼睛，轻轻地吻了吻我的脸颊，然后说我很漂亮。我也用充满血丝的双眼盯着他，虽然早上我的大脑通常是稀里糊涂的，但我仍能推断出我的丈夫不是疯了，就是暂时瞎了眼，再不就是变成了一个鳖脚的病态说谎者。我倾向于认为他暂时瞎了眼，然后又开始缓慢地拖着脚从大厅走向洗手间。我在洗手间里的镜子前匆匆瞥了一眼，看到镜中的自己果然如自我感觉的一样——眼睛肿得像两只荷包蛋，不断发胀的肚子让我觉得自己的体形开始越来越像怀孕的牛马。

 儿子出生后，无缘无故地，我居然又兴奋地深信为人父母不过是小菜一碟。我还在医院时，有人照看我儿子，而我也像女王一样被人宠着，被照料得舒舒服服。然而，那天当我们要带儿子出院时，残酷的现实又伸出了丑陋的魔爪。

 当我们在收拾行李时，育婴室的一位护士抱来了裹着襁褓的孩子。“实在抱歉，夫人，我还来不及给你的儿子换尿布。也许你要在走之前把尿布换了。”说完，护士高兴地把我的宝贝儿子递给了我，离开了房间。我脑门上立即冒出汗来了，因为我这才意识到，我压根儿不懂怎样给这小家伙换尿布。

 1) pamphlet [5pAmflit] n. 小册子

2) harshness [5hB:Fnis] n. 坎坷，困难

3) radiate [5reidieit] v. 放射，流露

4) morning sickness 孕妇晨吐

5) amicable [5AmikEbl] adj. 友善的

6) intercept [7intE5sept] v. 中途拦截

7) blood-shot [5blQdFCt] adj. 充满血丝的

8) stupor [5stju:pE] n. 眩晕

9) insane [in5sein] adj. 疯的

10) pathological [7pAPE5lCdVikEl] adj. 病态的

11) shuffle [5FQfl] v. 拖着脚走

12) poached eggs荷包蛋

13) bloat [blEut] v. 肿起

14) bovine [5bEuvain] n. 牛

15) equine [5i:kwain] n. 马

16) counterpart [5kauntEpB:t] n. 极相似的人或物

17) pamper [5pAmpE] v. 纵容

18) nursery [5nE:sEri] n. 育婴室

19) diaper [5daiEpE] n. 尿布

20) perspiration [7pE:spE5reiFEn] n. 排汗

21) tyke [taik] n. 小淘气

22) hoarsely [hC:sli]adv. 嘶哑地

23) screech [skri:tF] v. 尖声哭叫

24) milestone [5mailstEun] n. 里程碑，转折点

25) gusto [5^QstEu] n. 兴致勃勃

26) crabby [5krAbi] adj. 脾气坏的

27) lethargic [le5PB:dVik] adj.昏睡的

28) constipated [5kCnstipeitid] adj. 便秘的

29) dilute [dai5lju:t] v.  稀释

30) fuss-box [fQsbCks] n. 淘气鬼

31) undaunted [Qn5dC:ntid] adj. 大无畏的

32) bowel movement 大便

33) revulsion [ri5vQlFEn] n. 强烈的厌恶

34) goop [^u:p] n. 粘糊的东西

35) dumbstruck [5dQmstrQk] adj. 被吓呆的

36) enchilada [7entFi5lB:dE] n. 墨西哥卷

37)  manual [5mAnjuEl] n.  指南

                           ——本文摘自《疯狂英语阅读版》

                               2005年9月月刊