矛盾式
说话办事要符合正常的逻辑，违反了逻辑往往是荒谬的。不少事情从一个方面看是荒谬的，而换个角度看，却又是难得的幽默佳作。这里所谓的逻辑规律，指的是同一律、排中律和矛盾律。
一、同一律，要求在同一思维过程中，一个概念、判断必须具有确定的同一内容。否则就会犯“偷换概念”现象，前后不统一，出现逻辑错位。
You and Me
（ 你和我）
A
kindergarten teacher
in Hongkong
was teaching
children how
to read. The teacher wrote " me" on blackboard,
then said to children: " It is me".
The children
could not
make such a
turn and distorted（曲解）the
contents : " O, that' s you." The teacher
continued to wrote " you" on blackboard and said: " It' s just
you". The children
seemingly understood: " It is just me."
香港幼儿园的老师教小朋友识字，老师在黑板上写了个“我”字，然后对小朋友们说：“这就是‘我’”。小家伙们都转不过弯来，说：“哦，那就是‘你’”。老师又在黑板上写了个“你”字，说：“这才是‘你’呢。”小家伙似乎若有所悟，说：“这才是‘我’呀。”
迷你小贴士——词根突破
词根tort代表“扭曲”，“同根生”的词汇有：
distort：v.曲解。dis—（坏）+tort（扭曲）→distort
retort ：反驳。
extort：v.敲诈
torture：n.折磨
Toothache （
牙疼）
" Ouch（突然疼痛时的叫声）,
I have toothache. As saying goes（正如俗语所说）, Toothache isn' t
regarded as a disease, but it aches awfully."
" Your tooth is always aching.
Were it mine(虚拟，倒装), I
would extract
it earlier ."
" Nonsense! Were
it yours, should
I ache
?"
“唉呦，牙疼。真是牙疼不是病，疼起来要人命。”
“你老是牙疼，要是我的牙， 我早把它拔了。”
“废话！要是你的牙，我还会疼吗？”
迷你小贴士——感叹不已
表示痛苦、焦急的感叹词有：
Ouch：突然疼痛时的叫声。
alas：哎呀！
come：得啦。
oh：噢。
bless my heart/soul! 哎呀！
Mercy on us/me! 天呐！
The Intellectuals (知识分子)
During “Big Revolution”, a
rebel(造反的) man said:" Without you intellectuals, the Earth turns
as usual." An essay
writer Zheng Shifeng said:"As
you know, it is the
intellectual who discovered the rotation(自转)
of the earth,
and it is the intellectual who
discovered the revolution(公转) of
the earth. In the eyes of
those who have no knowledge,
the Earth does not turn at
all."
文革时一个造反派说：“没有你们知识分子，地球照样转
。”杂文家郑拾风说：“要知道，地球的自转是知识分子发现的，地球的公转也是知识分子发现的。在没有知识的人的眼里，地球根本就不转。”
迷你小贴士——词义辨析
rebellion：造反，谋反。以推翻政府为目的，公开的武装叛乱。
revolt：反抗，叛乱。不再接受目前的控制，对压迫的反抗。
uprising：起义，叛乱。小规模的未成功的民众反抗行为。
riot：暴乱，骚乱。
ferment：由“发酵”而来，指政治、社会方面的动荡不安。
mutiny：哗变。
coup d’’etat：政变。
revolution：n. 革命，公转。
注意词形：evolution：n.进化，进化论。 Darwin’s
theory of evolution.
reform：改革。
" Deluded" Myriad
Transient Travelers（“骗”了无涯过客）
Begmolets developed the longevity theory, sc.,
the person's natural lifespan is 150 years. He
was hence awarded(授予) Stalin's
medal and became an
academician（院士）of Academy of Sciences (科学院). But
he only lived
to the age of
65 when he died in 1946. Stalin
was apprised
of his death and
commented with
a smile:" This guy had deluded
(=deceive) all of us."
博戈莫列茨发展了长寿理论，即人的自然年龄可活到150岁。他因此获得斯大林奖章，并成为科学院院士。而他1946年去世时，年仅65岁。斯大林知道后笑着说：“这家伙把大家都骗了。”
(注：因一直没找到相应的英语文章，Begmolets据《俄汉译音表》试译出，见夏锡华的《世界汉语杂辑词典》。毕竟，只是个俄国人名而已。)
迷你小贴士——词义辨析
award：授予，给予。指应得的奖赏或赔偿。
Reward：给某人以报酬，奖赏。尤其用于被动语态。
accord：给予（称赞或欢迎）。
grant：授予，准许给予。指出于大方、怜悯和正义感，同意某人的请求或某权利给予某人。
confer：授予，给予。指以和蔼谦逊的态度，给地位低的人以学位、称号。
bestow：授予，赠于。指特别需要时给予。
Navigator （航海家）
Someone asked a young navigator:" Since both your
father and grandpa all died on
the ship, why are you still
keen on navigation（航海，航空）?"
The young navigator asked:" Where did your father
and grandpa die ?"
That person answered:" In the bed."
" So, why do you go to bed?!"
有人问一个年轻的航海家：“你的爸爸、爷爷和老爷爷都死在船上，你怎么还热衷于航海？”
年轻的航海家问：“你的爸爸、爷爷和老爷爷都死在什么地方？”那人说：“在床上。”“那你为什么还在床上睡觉？！”
迷你小贴士——词义辨析
navigation：航海（术），航空。侧重技术。
voyage：航海，航行。侧重旅行。
Clay’s Lecture
(克莱的演讲)
Clay Henry’s ( once a Secretary of
State in US) lectures had been full of
demagogy(煽动) and appeal,
witch evoked(=caused) envy and
hate from those old politicians who talked
lifelessly. They said to him
with cliché（陈词滥调）:" Your
lectures lack
of vitality（生命力）, so they only aim at the
contemporary people, and the acquisition(获得) is
transient（暂时的） phenomenon. while our
lectures have
our eyes on
posterity（子孙后代）."
Clay said:" So, do you decide to start lecturing
the day when the next
generation come
into the world?"
亨利"克莱（曾任美国国务卿）演讲富有煽动性和感染力，引起了一些说话沉闷的老政客的嫉恨，他们的陈词滥调是：“你的演讲没有生命力
，只能针对当代人，取得眼前效果，而我们的演讲则着眼于子孙后代。”
克莱说：“那么，你决心要等到下一代的听众来到后的那一天才开始演讲吗？
迷你小贴士——词义辨析
(1)Transient：短暂的，瞬间的。E.g.
a transient joy.
（一时的快乐。）
(2)transitory：短暂的，注定要消失的。E.g.
Man’s life
is transitory. （人生苦短。）
(3)temporary：暂时的，临时的。E.g.
a temporary job.
（临时的工作。）
Camel’s Guts
(骆驼的胆量)
Someone wanted to buy a camel in a country
fair. He said to the host of
the camel: "It
looks a bit
timid(胆小的，羞怯的)."The seller clarified(澄清，讲清楚) right
away:" It has
plenty of spunk（勇气，胆量）
because it can stay overnight
alone in pitch-dark （一团漆黑）
livestock shed （牲口棚，停车棚）."
有人想在集市上买匹骆驼，他对骆驼的主人说：“这家伙似乎有点胆小。”卖方马上说：“这匹骆驼的胆子可不小，它可以独自在漆黑一团的牲口棚里过夜。”
迷你小贴士——词义辨析
spunk：勇气，胆量。旧时口语。(GRE)
pluck：勇气，胆量。尤其面对强敌或困难时。口语。(GRE)
mettle：勇气，忍耐力。尤其指人或马。(GRE)
courage：勇气，常用词。
Premier
Zhou’s Witty
Remark (周恩来的睿智)
At the beginning of 1950’s
a European diplomat felt
like(接动名词) purchasing a
pair of stone lions of
Yonghegong Temple at 500,000 dollars, but the
managing lama was
disinclined（不愿意的，厌恶的）to sell this national treasure. That
diplomat solicited（恳求，求助） Premier Zhou
,thus Premier Zhou
remarked wittily :"Given your
gusto（兴致，热情） you can see
them several times more; Given your the national
people like them, they can
frequently visit China, Ok ?"
50年代初，一欧洲外交官想出50万美圆买下雍和宫的一对石狮子，主持喇嘛不肯卖此国宝。那位外交官找到周总理，周总理风趣地说：“你喜欢，你可以多去看几遍；你们国家的人喜欢，可以让他们多来中国吗？”
迷你小贴士——词义辨析
disincline：不愿意的，厌恶的，比averse强。
averse：不愿意又没办法的。
loath：不愿意但不坚决拒绝。
unwilling：明确表示不愿意的。
reluctant：指抵触心理。
Zhan-Rong’s Emotion
(湛容的情感)
Zhan-Rong , a great Chinese contemporary（当代的） writer,
famous in the literary circles
for her People at Middle Age,
was invited to
certain university in the United
States to
give a lecture . An American
shouted from
the below with a problem:"
I hear of you
are not a member of
CPC up to
now, so may I ask you what
your private affections （感情，爱慕）to
Communist Party of China are?"
Zhan-Rong responded:" Your information is
more than a
little (=very )accurate, and I am not
a member of
CPC up to now
. But my husband is an old member
of CPC,
and he and
I have lived
together for several decades,
having no indications of the
divorce up to now. Therefore, how
unfathomable(深不可测的，难以理解的) my affections to
the Communist Party of China are!”
中国当代大作家湛容（
以《人到中年》而驰名文坛），应邀去美国某大学进行演讲时，台下有个美国人向她发问：“听说您至今还不是一个中共党员，请问您对中国共产党的私人感情如何?”湛容说：“您的情报非常准确，我至今还不是一个中共党员。但是，我的丈夫是个老共产党员，而我同他共同生活了几十年，至今尚未有离婚的迹象，可见，我同中国共产党的感情有多么深呐！”
迷你小贴士——词义辨析
affections ：感情，爱慕，正式。
passion：激情，强烈。
sentiment：情操，贬。
emotion，feeling：常用词，前者语气强些。
Speeding （超速行驶）
A new-chum （新手） cop
blocked a motorcycle, tearing
off a penal
bill, saying to the driver:" Fine money 50 dollars
due to the furious driving."
The rider said:" How did
I go beyond the speed limit? "
The cop said:" Over 50
kilometers per hour ." The rider was
a bursar（财务主任）, queried(问):" I
just go less
than a quarter, how can it
exceed 50 kilometers?" That cop
scratched his head saying:
"Sorry. you may leave."
一个刚上班的交警拦住一辆摩托车，撕下一张罚款单，对驾驶者说：“超速行驶，罚款50。”
”骑手说：
“我怎么超速了？”交警说：“每小时超过了50公里。那人是个财务主任，问：“我刚出门不到一刻钟，怎么会超过50
公里呢？”交警挠了挠头说：“不好意思，那你走吧。”
迷你小贴士——词义辨析
new-chum：新手，美国俚语。
green
hand：生手，没有经验的人。
novice：生手，初学者。
recruit：新兵，新手。
tyro：新手，没有经验的人。带有很强的否定意味。
beginner：常用词。
二、排中律，要求在同一时间、同一关系下对同一对象所作的两个矛盾判断不能同时都假，其中必有一真，没有第三种可能。排中律旨在消除思维中的不确定性，使摸棱两可的诡辩论显得滑稽可笑。
Pessimism And Optimism （悲观与乐观）
Someone asked
Mark Twain
what the
optimism was
as well as
what pessimism was. Mark
Twain illustrated them:" Take
for instance a glass of milk.
Half has been drunk, still
remained half. From the pessimist’s point
of view(在……看来): Alas! Just a
half left; But from the
optimist’s
point of view: Gee !
Still a half
left."
有人问马克""土温什么是乐观什么是悲观，马克"吐温说：“比如说一杯牛奶，喝了一半，还剩一半，在悲观的人看来，唉，就剩一半了；而在乐观的人看来，嗬，还剩一半。”
迷你小贴士——词义辨析：
Optimistic：乐观的，可能是立足于现实，也可能只是良好的愿望。
Sanguine：比Optimistic正式。乐观的，充满希望的，面色红润的。
Lofty Stance of Mably （马伯利的高姿态）
The academician of National Research
Institute in France is an honor which is scrambled for (争夺), so
not a few friends prevailed upon（劝说） the
philosopher Mably to competes
for an academician. Mably
expounded（详细解释）:＂I do not go after it.
If I become an academician,
someone will comment: how can
he become an academician. If not, many people
will comment : how did not he
become an academician? The latter comment is
better .＂
国家研究院院士在法国是趋之若骛的荣誉，不少朋友都劝哲学家马伯利竞争院士．马伯利说：＂我不干这种事．我当上了，有人就会说：他怎么当上了．我如果不当，很多人会说：他怎么没当上？还是后一种议论好呀．＂
迷你小贴士——词义辨析：
expounded（详细解释）
explicate：尤指逐点解释、分析文学作品。
Elucidate：比 正式。
词根是。意即投以光明，启发、启蒙而结束混乱。
Explain：常用词。
Interpret：类似Explain，但有“口译”之意。
Clarify：阐明，讲清楚。
Illustrate：举例说明。
Fang Cheng' s Self- introduction（方成的《自我介绍》）
Who is Fang Cheng? I know
little. Ancestral（祖先的）
home was Zhong-shan County ,Guangdong province (
Filling in the form has always been like this), but
was born in Peking . I call my surname is Fang,
while surname of both my father and my son' s is Sun. My major was
not the painting originally, but I subsist on the career of
drawing. As a member of Chinese Artist Association, yet I read my
thesis on the
symposium（座谈会，研讨会，专题论文集）
of the Chinese Culture Academic Association.
I have been
embarked on（=engaged in：从事，忙于） the political
caricature（漫画，夸张，讽刺艺术） all my life,
but often have been
arrogated(不公正地说某人错) owing to
my unconcern on the politics "
“方成者，不知何许人也。原籍广东省中山县(填表历来如此)，但生在北京。自谓姓方，其父其子都姓孙。原非学画，而以画为业。乃中国美术家协会会员，宣读论文却是在中国文化学会。终生从事政治讽刺画，因不关心政治屡受批评。”
迷你小贴士——词义辨析
symposium：座谈会，研讨会，专题论文集。
Congress：代表大会，美国国会。
Council：政务会，理事会。用于政治。
Convention：大会，专业会议。
Conference：正式会议。
Assembly：有组织的集会。
meeting]：会议，普通词。
Gathering：聚会。
Answers Back (犟嘴)
Master says to his apprentice(学徒，徒弟):" How
do you dare to answer back
!"
The apprentice says:" I don’t."
The master dress down
(狠狠地训斥):" I say you answer
back , and you say that you don’t , so
don’t you
answer back ?"
师傅对徒弟说：“你怎么敢和我犟嘴！”
徒弟说：“我没犟嘴。”
师傅训斥道：“我说你犟嘴，你说没犟嘴，难道这不就是犟嘴吗？”
迷你小贴士——短语辨析
dress down ：狠狠地训斥或揍某人。
dress up：穿上盛装，乔装打扮成。
What Course to
Follow（何去何从）
Sister-in-law taking a
shower, her younger brother rushed in unintentionally.
Sister-in-law asked sternly with the
force of justice:" What you do
like this doesn’t let your elder
brother down?" The younger brother was
embarrassed beyond words, thumping （捶击）chest
and stamping feet, turning
round to walk away, while his
sister-in-law asked again: "What you do like
this lets your sister-in-law?"
嫂子正在洗澡，弟弟无意中闯了进来。嫂子义正词严地说：“你这样做对得起你哥吗？”弟弟捶胸顿足，羞愧难当，转身要走，嫂子又说：“你这样做对得起你嫂子吗？”
迷你小贴士——词形辨析
thump：捶击，重击。
thumb：大拇指。
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