加载中…
个人资料
月白
月白
  • 博客等级:
  • 博客积分:0
  • 博客访问:79,719
  • 关注人气:32
  • 获赠金笔:0支
  • 赠出金笔:0支
  • 荣誉徽章:
相关博文
推荐博文
正文 字体大小:

为什么不把我介绍给他的家人和朋友?

(2008-07-22 08:50:30)
标签:

婚姻

两性

情感

校园

杂谈

分类: 芭芭拉博士婚姻情感问答(翻译)

译文:情海

Barbara De Angelis Ph.D. 版权所有

WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN YOUR PARTNER WON’T INTRODUCE YOU TO HIS FAMILY AND FRIENDS?

如果对方没把你介绍给他的家人和朋友,意味着什么?

我跟一个男人约会九个月了,他并没把我介绍给他的家人和朋友。我知道在前面那次婚姻里他有过孩子,可我从来没见过他们。大多数时候,我们不是单独呆在我的公寓里,就是单独呆在他的单间里,我们真正一起出门都是在最后那一分钟告别的时候。他说他就是他自己,不想让别人进入我们的关系,可是我总觉得不对劲。你能告诉我这里面有什么别的含义吗?

 

我讨厌自己是告诉你真相的那个人,可是他的行为的确表示你偷偷怀疑的那个意思——你的男朋友羞于被人看到跟你在一起,或者羞于被人看到跟你有瓜葛,所以要把你藏起来,不让他生活中的其他人知道你的存在。可能出于某种原因,他觉得让你做他的正式女朋友还不够好——可能他觉得你看事情的方式不象他觉得你应该看得那样,也可能他觉得你的背景是他不能接受的,以上这些可能听起来有些恐怖,可跟你需要去看的第二种可能比较起来也许就不算什么了:你的男朋友可能结婚了或者跟别的女人生活在了一起,他跟你在一起其实正在欺骗她!因此他总是偷偷摸摸地、藏头藏尾地将你跟他的其余生活隔离开来,所有的信号加起来能够结论出上面的东西,对不对?

 

我敢打赌你的内心深处肯定也知道这一点,只不过你不想面对罢了,因为那意味着你要跟他发生冲突。如果你还有任何自尊的话,请赶快终结你们的关系吧,记住,自尊是此时此地的关键词。很显然,他并不尊重你——他的行为完全是大不敬。所以你跟他分手之后,还必须自问下面这个困难而复杂的问题:为什么我忍受这种对待忍了这么久?我以往的情感经历中有什么东西能让这样的男人吸引我以至于他对待我的方式让我看起来一点也不重要?是什么东西让我对如此明白不过的东西不肯予以承认了这么久?我怎样才能治疗自己的情感创伤而免得再受伤害?

 

现在是时候来足够爱你自己了,只有足够爱自己,你才能知道你不该受到如此恶劣的对待,好象要让全世界看你的洋相一样。那个够幸运能够跟你生活在一起的男人,应该对能够在生活里拥有你而感到骄傲和荣耀,也应该因为能够把你介绍给他认识的每个人感到兴奋和激动。你能越快把这个家伙剔出你的生活,你就能越快遇上一个待你像待一个精彩女人一样的男人。

 

QI’ve been dating a man for nine months who won’t introduce me to his family or his friends. I know he has children from a former marriage, and I haven’t even met them. Most of the time, we spend alone at my apartment or his condo, and when we do go out, it’s always at the last minute. He claims that he is a private person, and that he doesn’t want to bring other people into our relationship, but something doesn’t feel right to me. What does this mean?

 

A:I hate to be the one to tell you this, but this behavior means just what you secretly suspect it means--that your boyfriend is ashamed to be seen with you or associated with you, and is hiding you from the people in his life. It could be that, for some reason, he doesn’t think you’re "good enough" to be an official girlfriend--maybe you don’t look the way he thinks you should, or come from a background he thinks is acceptable. This may sound terrible, but it’s nothing compared to the second possibility you need to look at: Your boyfriend may be married or involved with someone else, and is cheating on her with you! Thus, the sneaking around, staying inside, and keeping you isolated from the rest of his life. The signs all add up, don’t they?

 

I’ll bet you’ve known this deep inside yourself, but haven’t wanted to face it, because it means confronting him and , if you have any self-respect, ending the relationship immediately. And respect is the key word here. He obviously doesn’t respect you--his behavior is totally disrespectful. So once you’ve broken up with him, you need to ask yourself some difficult and confrontive questions: Why did I put up with this kind of treatment for so long? What in my emotional past attracts me to men who treat me like I’m not important? What are some of the ways I kept myself in denial about something so obvious? How can I begin to heal my own emotional wounds so I don’t get hurt like this again?

 

It’s time for you to love yourself enough to know you don’t deserve to be treated like some awful secret too grotesque for the world to see. The man who is lucky enough to be with you should be proud and honored to have you in his life, and excited about showing you off to everyone he knows. And the sooner you get rid of this character you’re with, the sooner you’ll meet a partner who will treat you like the wonderful human being you are.

0

阅读 收藏 转载 喜欢 打印举报/Report
  

新浪BLOG意见反馈留言板 电话:4000520066 提示音后按1键(按当地市话标准计费) 欢迎批评指正

新浪简介 | About Sina | 广告服务 | 联系我们 | 招聘信息 | 网站律师 | SINA English | 会员注册 | 产品答疑

新浪公司 版权所有