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【转】I’m an auditor

(2009-08-23 12:39:00)
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杂谈

To Whom it may concern,

致相關人士:

* I am an auditor (but I'm not bitter).
我是一個審計師(但不“苦”);

* I don't carry a calculator at all times, but I can use it without looking at the numbers.
我並非整日攜帶計數機,但我能不看著數字鍵用它;

* I get psyched for business casual.
我為出差能放假而感到興奮;

* I carry a laptop, not because I think it's cool, but because I have to.It's certainly not cool when you have to carry it across town in the middle of the summer...along with two other bags and a box of workpapers.
我常背著一部手提電腦,并非因為我覺得這看上去很酷,而是不得已。當你在炎炎夏日時不僅要背著它而且還要拖著另外兩個大袋子、一箱工作底稿時,你一定不覺得那樣有多酷;

* I have lots of paper cuts...not from regular paper, but ones that hurt from pockets and folders.
我被紙割傷很多次,不是被普通的紙割到,而是那些放在文件夾和公文袋里的紙;

* I have a desk, and I have a phone, but I never at either of them. I sit at a table meant for 4 with 8 other people.
我有張寫字臺,和一部電話,但從來不用它們。我常和8個人擠一張僅為4人設計的桌子;

* I work with people everyday, but everyone thinks I have no social skills. They fail to realize that after talking to incompetent people throughout the day the last thing I want to do is talk to no one!
我每日都和他人一起工作,但大家都認為我沒有社交技巧。他們意識不到,和不三不四的人交談了整日之後我最不想做的事情就是說話!

* I dream about financial statement presentation and proper timing of accruals.
我常造夢,夢到財務報表已經報出,而時間又掐得夠準;

* I spend significant amounts of time waiting for others to do their job; and when they're done, it's still not right, even though they've been doing it for 10 years.
我花“具有重要性”的時間等著別人做好他們的工作,可當他們完成好了,一切照舊不妥,即使他們已經(做同樣的工作)做了10年;

* I know GAAP is crap...but it's the best thing we've got.
我知道“公認會計準則”是一坨X,但我就只有它了;

* By God, if you ask me one more question about how to do your taxes, I might just rip your head off!!!!
以耶稣之名起誓,要是你再问多我一個“如何計算應納稅額”的問題,我就把你的頭擰下來!!!

* I work overtime six months out of the year, and then get told to watch how much time I spend on my work. Then, I try not to spend too much time on my work, only to get told my bonus is based on overtime. Oh wait, we don't get bonuses!
我一年裏面有6個月要開OT,然後被人告知要“監控”自己的工作時數。然後我就試著不花那麼多時間在工作上面,最後僅僅得知自己的獎金是根據OT鐘數來算的。等等,我們根本沒有獎金!

* I have an apartment, but it's really just a place to store my clothes and old workpapers that the garbage men won't even take.
我買了房子,但那真的祗是貯放我衣服和那些連環衛工人都不想拿的舊底稿的地方;

* I can cook, but I can't remember the last time I came home and wanted to.
我會煮飯,但我記不起上次我回家並且想(煮)是在甚麼時候;

* I'm just a person who went to school for way too long, who is overworked, and underpaid, who gets no respect for my work, and has finally realized that my entire career is based on providing information no one understands, to people who couldn't care less.
我不過是一個讀書讀得太久了的人、一個過度勞累而且工資少得可憐的人、一個不能從自己的工作上得到他人尊重的人。後來,我終於認識到,我整個“職業生涯”都以提供沒有人能看懂、沒有人關心的資訊為生;

* I can drink better than anyone. Is it any wonder why?
我的酒量比別人都要好。有誰想知道爲甚麼嗎?

* I've been promoted six times in the last two years, not because I'm competent but because all the competent people had the smarts to leave.
我前兩年升職升了6次,不是因為我有能力,而是因為有能力的都夠醒目,他們都走了。

My name is Tommy,  and I am.... an auditor!!!
我叫Tommy,我是……一個審計師!!!
 

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