Effective communication skills are essential in determining our ability to have rewarding relations with others and to achieve satisfaction in life.  The quality of our relationships with friends, spouses, children, and colleagues are all dependent upon sound communication skills.  In fact, it is often our failure to communicate effectively that leads to personal disappointment and the breakdown of important relationships.  Unfortunately, we often leave the success of important relationships to chance – until communication fails and the relationships begin to deteriorate.  By then, however, it may already be too late.  This brief guide outlines important characteristics of effective communication and offers practical suggestions for improving these skills.  It will not solve all of your communication problems and it is certainly no substitute for professional help.  However, it will give you some important basic ideas and suggestions.

Listen Effectively

The first step in developing skilled communication is effective listening.  Relating to others is impossible unless you can “fully hear” what they are saying.  To begin, try squarely facing and making eye contact with the person with whom you want to communicate.  Next, let him or her talk freely while you simply try to comprehend what is being said.  Listen for both the feelings and the content of what the person is saying.  If you are not sure you have heard everything or understand what is meant, it is often helpful to paraphrase what has been said and then allow the other person to clarify any misunderstanding of the message.  Try not to let your own feelings interfere at this point or you might miss something important.

Respond Descriptively

Be careful not to respond to an important message with an evaluative statement.  Our culture has programmed us to think largely in evaluative terms – we like something or we don’t; we feel things are either “right or wrong.”  Effective communication is not designed to determine winners or losers.  In communicating, the goal is to learn all we can about someone else’s thoughts and feelings and let that person better know the same things about us.  This process is quite different from that of negotiation in which individuals may view each other as adversaries.  Hence, descriptive statements about the other person’s communication and your reaction to what is said will be most helpful.  Evaluative statements are not helpful and tend to elicit defensiveness.

Use Your Feelings

Feelings are important in communicating.  Often it takes practice to be able to identify them (and use them constructively), but there is hardly any interpersonal issue about which we do not have some feelings.  When you communicate your feelings it is important to be specific and to take responsibility for them.  Sometimes this is referred to as an “I” message.  For example, “I feel angry because you just left without me, and I really wanted to go along.”  Note that the statement is descriptive and includes a statement of feelings.  It allows the receiver of the communication to respond without feeling accused or threatened.  Contrast that with possible reactions to a statement such as, “How could you leave me there like that!” or, “You are selfish and inconsiderate,” or, “Everyone says you don’t care about me.”  In short, express your feelings, negative or positive, as clearly as possible and be responsible for what you say.

Assess Needs

Effective communication considers the needs of all involved.  If you are giving someone feedback about your reactions to an event, be sure that you are addressing something over which he or she has control.  If you do not consider the other person’s needs and ability to deal with your communication, your efforts could be destructive.

Make Timely Responses

Effective communications are delivered at a time when the issue to be discussed is most important, usually as soon as possible after the behavior which requires discussion has occurred.  It can be destructive to save old or unresolved concerns for discussion at a later time or to use them as a weapon (“remember when you…”).  On the other hand, it is important to decide if the other person is ready to handle your communication immediately.  Sometimes, it is best to delay sensitive communications until an appropriate setting can be found for the discussion.  Avoid discussing emotional issues until you are in a place where there is privacy and you can talk freely.

Communication Basics Checklist

Effective communication skills are not easily obtained.  They require practice and feedback from another person to be sure that communication is occurring.  However, as you develop better skills in communicating, they can help you learn more about yourself from others and can greatly enrich the quality of your relationships.  The short checklist that follows may be useful in assessing your need for help in developing better skills and your progress in enhancing your ability to communicate.

	I physically attend to others.
	I listen carefully before talking.
	I speak in descriptive terms.
	I discuss positive feelings.
	I discuss negative feelings.
	I own my feelings (“I” messages).
	I speak clearly and specifically.
	I use good timing.
	I consider other’s needs.
	I encourage others to communicate with me.

TO BE OR NOT TO BE, THAT IS A QUESTION.

原文：

Nor my beloved as an idol show,

Since all alike my songs and praises be

To one, of one, still such, and ever so.

Kind is my love to-day, to-morrow kind,

Still constant in a wondrous excellence;

Therefore my verse to constancy confined,

One thing expressing, leaves out difference.

'Fair, kind and true' is all my argument,

'Fair, kind, and true' varying to other words;

And in this change is my invention spent,

Three themes in one, which wondrous scope affords.

'Fair, kind, and true,' have often lived alone,

 Which three till now never kept seat in one. 

译文：

不要把我的爱叫作偶像崇拜，

也不要把我的爱人当偶像看，

既然所有我的歌和我的赞美

都献给一个、为一个，永无变换。

我的爱今天仁慈，明天也仁慈，

有着惊人的美德，永远不变心，

所以我的诗也一样坚贞不渝，

全省掉差异，只叙述一件事情。

"美、善和真"，就是我全部的题材，

"美、善和真"，用不同的词句表现；

我的创造就在这变化上演才，

三题一体，它的境界可真无限。

过去"美、善和真"常常分道扬镳，

到今天才在一个人身上协调。

PS：今天我发现的是莎士比亚的十四行诗，很好

　　韩国人见面时的传统礼节是鞠躬，晚辈、下级走路时遇到长辈或上级，应鞠躬、问候，站在一旁，计其先行，以示敬意。男人之间见面打招呼互相鞠躬并握手，握手时或用双手，或用左手，并只限于点一次头。鞠躬礼节一般在生意人中不使用。和韩国官员打交道一般可以握手或是轻轻点一下头。女人一般不与人握手。 　　

　　在社会集体和宴会中，男女分开进行社交活动，甚至在家里或在餐馆里都是如此。 　　

　　在韩国，如有人邀请你到家吃饭或赴宴，你应带小礼品，最好挑选包装好的食品。席间敬酒时，要用右手拿酒瓶，左手托瓶底，然后鞠躬致祝辞，最后再倒酒，且要一连三杯。敬酒人应把自己的酒杯举得低一些，用自己杯子的杯沿去碰对方的杯身。敬完酒后再鞠个躬才能离开。做客时，主人不会让你参观房子的全貌，不要自己到处逛。你要离去时，主人送你到门口，甚至送到门外，然后说再见。 　　

　　韩国人用双手接礼物，但不会当着客人的面打开。不宜送外国香烟给韩国友人。酒是送韩国男人最好的礼品，但不能送酒给妇女，除非你说清楚这酒是送给她丈夫的。在赠送韩国人礼品时应注意，韩国男性多喜欢名牌纺织品、领带、打火机、电动剃须刀等。女性喜欢化妆品、提包、手套、围巾类物品和厨房里用的调料。孩子则喜欢食品。如果送钱，应放在信封内。

若有拜访必须预先约定。韩国人很重视交往中的接待，宴请一般在饭店或酒吧举行，夫人很少在场。 　　

　　政府规定，韩国公民对国旗、国歌、国花必须敬重。不但电台定时播出国歌，而且影剧院放映演出前也放国歌，观众须起立。外国人在上述场所如表现过分怠慢，会被认为是对韩国的不敬。 　　

　　韩国人禁忌颇多。逢年过节相互见面时，不能说不吉利的话，更不能生气、吵架。农历正月头三天不能倒垃圾、扫地，更不能杀鸡宰猪。寒食节忌生火。生肖相克思婚姻，婚期忌单日。渔民吃鱼不许翻面，因忌翻船。忌到别人家里剪指甲，否则两家死后结冤。吃饭时忌带帽子，否则终身受穷。睡觉时忌枕书，否则读无成。忌杀正月里生的狗，否则三年内必死无疑。 　　

　　与年长者同坐时，坐姿要端正。由于韩国人的餐桌是矮腿小桌，放在地炕上，用餐时，宾主都应席地盘腿而坐。若是在长辈面前应跪坐在自己的脚底板上，无论是谁，绝对不能把双腿伸直或叉开，否则会被认为是不懂礼貌或侮辱人。未征得同意前，不能在上级、长辈面前抽烟，不能向其借火或接火。吃饭时不要随便发出声响，更不许交谈。迸入家庭住宅或韩式饭店应脱鞋。在大街上吃东西、在人面前擤鼻涕，都被认为是粗鲁的。 　　

　　照相在韩国受到严格限制，军事设施、机场、水库、地铁、国立博物馆以及娱乐场所都是禁照对象，在空中和高层建筑拍照也都在被禁之列。

• 身体好起来
• HELLO KITTY的项链
• 韩国之行/丽江之行
• 攒点钱
• 英语和韩语提高
• PR能力提高
• 努力爱我和爱爱我的人
• 待续

Dear all,

Please accept my sincere wishes for the New Year. I hope you will continue


to enjoy good health. 

致以新年最真诚美好的祝愿！祝身体健康！

Best

Yvonne

2007.12.28

设计师

K Hagberg/M Hagberg

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