指间 慢一格的光

    I renewed the book-civil society and corruption last noght.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------last week

    I met 2 cute kids today. Hearing the door bell, I was wathching Bones at that time. When I opened the door, I saw two little kids. Hey, do you want these oranges? following their eye sights, I saw two bags of oranges. I noticed the bags were used for bread before and those oranges were not as clean as what shops sell. It seemed they picked up and put those oranges all by theirselves. How much is that? I asked. 5 dollars a bag, they answered me. I smiled. Did you pick up the oranges? Yes! Why do you want to sell these oranges? Because then we can buy things we want! I was moved by them at that moment. I appreciated their brave and the action they did to fullfill their minds. So I told them, I do not these oranges, but I can give you some coins to cheer you up, is that ok? Ok! They seemed happy. Ok, wait here, Im going to the bedroom and grab the coins~ I took 2 coins back and gave one to them each. Because Im also a student now, so I do not have much money. These coins are my hope, ok? Wish you happy~ They thanked me and waved goodbye. I guess they will go to my neighbours to continue their small biz. My last words to them were have a good weekend! Actually, I admire their courage and I would like to be the same kind of person. That is, figure out what I want, then just follow my heart. Although there is a possibility it is a rough way to go, at least I am on the way.

    I spent most of the afternoon watching X factor. 

 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------last week

I can`t focus on the study.There is always sth heavy under my mind and weigh on my heart. Although I tried so hard to distract my concerntration, I still in the sad mood. I even wanted to see the doctor and get some conselation. I dont want to do anything, totally. They asked me why I was so happy everyday. I was confused about this question because Im not in a nice state. I remembered Mr Ross told me to have a travel in order to clear my mind. I always think too much on things that I am not supposed to. Worse still, I cant control myself. I talked with friends and suggested them to find out what they want most deeply in their heart. Ironically, I cant speak out what I want most, at least now. it seems that i only have a vogue image instead of a specific plan. in today`s morning class, we had a role play, which was mainly about a discussion on whether or not to turn a lake with pink dophins to a tourism place. I played as a conservator who are against this idea.

some of my classmate will go to fundation next month. i even made some joke about fundationer. the thing is, as common individuals, people want change, particularly if the change will not bring negative effects. william is in the lab now, i feel so bored. i have to admit that i cant stay home alone. i tried to find sb to talk with. to acheive this, i even went to the bank to chat with workers there. the acknowledge i learned today was the saving rate is for the normal tertiary account and for the fixed time saving it should be the term deposit interest rate.additionally, i met the chinese girl who works in national bank. i wish i can speak as fluently as her. 

we talked about liyang`s case for a while in the afternoon class. biz said that liyang, the famous chinese english teacher who owns the company named crasy enlish, has been beaten his wife. i watched his vedios and i found that jinxing really has high EQ. i admire her brave and the ability to speak coherently and accurately. a very essential factor i guess must be confidence. that is to say, no matter where you are, no matter who you are, you must believe you can accomplish what you want, or at least you ve tried your best to get one step cloer to it. the feeling of approaching is sort of a courage itself, which may lead you to the right way and ensure you sticking to your aim.

    I made a decision in this morning,well,actually,this lunch time.When Colleen said "ah, it is time for celebration. Here are your speaking results." To be honest,I do not believe her.I do not like her teaching style coz she puts too much personal activities into the class with the native kiwi accent, which is usually difficult to understand.I do realize there is a huge gap between her and mark.Additionally,the differences involve in personality,ability,position and age.As a traditional Chinese student,I prefer a theacher with lots of experiences but not very old.Be an aged sometimes means a lack of energy and creative,even though she tried hard to show her 21 young heart.Her slogan is I just want you be happy.However,when she meets problems,the first idea and action is to go and find Dian,the boss of the pathway collage.She only thinks about how to obey the rules better rather than making some efforts to try to change sth and make the system better.This made us miss mark more.He gives us a hope that we can do better and he really takes nearly all the factors into consideration.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------last week

    We finished the bibliography test this morning, followed by writing time for the final assignment.Then, went to bongo for lunch. To be honest, the afternoon class was totally useless. At first, we were divided to three groups and disgussed a short para about environment to find a solution for a environmental problem. Then, Robin explained the topic of W2 for us. Asked to do brainstorm, we had to write as many as possible ideas on a big piece of paper. The topic was global warming, and we were sopposed to mainly talk about causes and solutions in at least 250 words within 40 mins. Been given such a short time, I hurried to finish the writing. Although I handed in the writing on time while most of my classmates could not finish it, I did not satisfy with it. It seems like I do not know how to write an article in a wide range of sentance structures and vocabulary. Worse atill, I totally forget how to speak English suddenly. Yes, suddenly. This kind of feeling is very frustrating. Consequentely, I want to overcome it as soon as possible, though I know maybe it is the lowest point on the way to a higher level.

    I watched too much TV series these days. A major reason is the high pressure which is caused  by the research assignment. Staying up late even till 2 am on last weekends,I finished almost 85% of it. However, there are still much work I have to do such as the editing and the bibliography. Two main problem now is how to delete unimportant parts to make sure the total words number is ok(at most 880) and that how to find the exact pages of the book or Pdfs and print them as references.C,my deskmate told me she has been very homesick these days, particularly last sunday. I totally understand her because I had experienced the same feeling one or two weeks before. She planed to return to Korea in Dec, but now she just cannot stand anymore.She also told me finance was the biggest problem for her so maybe she would go to Auckland and work there for 2 weeks before she went back home. I looked her and told her seriously, "Be happy,ok? If there is anything I can do for you, just tell me and I will help you as much as possible." She smiled and said thank you to me. Then I went to meet William ..then I had that terrible writing about global warming.

    Oh, by the way, I saw Mark this afternoon, and I even waved to him. He seemed in a hurry looking for someone,followed by a hot lady with a black long stocking.I heard boys`s conversation about how hot she was. They were guessing she was his new assistant as he needs one now after promotion. It looks like Mark is getting weight,,OMG.

从昨晚十一点半开始崩溃。哆哆嗦嗦写不好字，竟然读不出来自己写的note。被骂的泪奔。

醒了睡，睡了醒，挣扎到早上，一咬牙还是去了学校。在准备的十五分钟里，简直目不能视耳不能听。

然后是找不到biz的办公室，蹒跚进去了。很和蔼的老师。跟我聊了许久我的睡眠问题才开始录音。

中午继续bango的寿司，加了鸡肉串，将痛苦溺死在食物里。对面坐着欣怡的收银，小小的身躯厚厚的书。

草坪上遇见了同桌一二三，意见不合被视为空气。事实是我真的不认为fuck是dirty word。不能反对么。

她立即就不说话了，我只好一个人继续。说了几句也觉得没趣，抓了包我就ok，I have to go了。脚步匆匆。

推了下课以后的speaking practice，三个人悠悠悠悠的去了大帕，陈果然买了六桶奶粉。我买了两盒巧克力。

之后去了明城吃面，很失望啊。回来以后是男人们的打牌喝酒欢送会。我没有出去，我还是学不来应酬啊。

我坐在窗前，觉得很困。合了一下眼睛，就歪过了。再醒过来的时候，脖子和腰都疼，脑海一个声音，睡觉。

于是我就爬上了床，没刷牙没洗脸没脱衣服，我拉了毯子就在被子上开始呼了起来。二度醒来整个左腿就麻了。

但是我突然想起来我洗的衣服还在洗衣机里，于是我只好颠着瘸腿去洗衣间晾衣服。我发现我的头发乱成一团。

睡意全无，爬去台灯下面发呆吃猕猴桃吃巧克力。时间很轻易的被我打发了，很快的我也会被时间打发了。

没事逛逛大家的空间，发觉细微之间大家都有变化，时间带走了什么，留下了什么。这些问题都是只有时间能回答的。

一天一首治愈歌曲。今天的主打，牛奶@咖啡。明天，你好。加油，汪小白。

"--I`M GONNA CRY.

--OH,DON`T BE SILLY."

  我最近哭的不多，但是哭起来就没完没了。我经常转个身就开始哭，我其实也不知道我哭什么。看个创意广告会哭，听歌会哭，看个书也会哭。mp3里该删的歌都删了，听不得的统统删掉。然后某一天又要听，然后重新去酷我下，下下来不敢听，要么就是使劲听，然后删掉。下回再下然后再删，循环往复。

--忙吗

--还好

--好吗

--挺好的

  我由衷地笑了。想再说些什么，可是再说什么呢。

  足够了，已经。

突然就惆怅起来，收拾完房间，衣服扔进洗衣机，吃着薯片逛网页。窗外春光明媚，不夸张。

09年的九月，人生的低潮，大学毕业，无处收留。朋友们个个都有着落，我在合肥飘得那个孤单。

09年的九月，是不是长裙漾漾的顶着烈日穿梭于家和工大？坐在有空调的大教室里，好渺小好渺小。

09年的九月，是不是有人在给我辅导高数？是不是每天在我的小本本上面签到？要求是不一样的名字。

09年的九月，是不是有人带我去吃自助烤肉，然后给自己夹了一大把苦菊？是不是有人陪我玩开心？

忘记了。

10年的九月，日子稍微好过一些，起码有个小工作，还是个国企。在家里耀武扬威，想干嘛干嘛。

10年的九月，是不是白衬衫西装套装早出晚归？出门下楼一样的109，不一样的是下车的车站。

10年的九月，是不是挣扎在前辈们之中很艰难的找到自己的定位？是不是还是有些怵进里面上厕所？

10年的九月，是不是有了自己的信用卡一下子觉得自己特别有钱，每个月的钱怎么花都花不掉？

忘记了。

11年的九月，踏上了一直想走的路，可是心里深深处还是觉得空了一块，一直在寻找，一直在寻找。

11年的九月，天气很好的周五下午，在家里惆怅，我想要永远的十八岁，朋友们亲人们永远都爱我陪伴我。

11年的九月，想起一个人，想起几个梦，想起细节想起片段想起味道想起声音想起执着想起眼泪想起爱情。

11年的九月，也开始了一个人上课下课吃饭回家睡觉起床的生活。再也没有相亲相爱的伙伴们嬉笑怒骂。

也会忘记的。

如果有一天，我回到从前，回到最原始的我，你是否还会觉得我不错？

毕业两周年

工作一周年

新的起点

手机停了

身为无组织无联络的宅人

好像也没太大影响

偶尔掏手机看看时间

总会有sim卡注册失败的提示

那又怎样咧

神秘的狗死了

也可能没死

那天翻出来一张照片

某狗人

昨天翻出来一句话

事实是 小喜永远是对的

看看时间已经是两年前了

那些个总是阴雨绵绵的日子

那时候我苟活在树洞里

那时候内心的安定是何等的难得与重要

 那种一切都会过去

只要我想做一定可以做到的信念

可是那又怎样咧

是不是？

昨天王同学说

我被大家夸奖与佩服了

原话是这样的

行长撤下去数破币了都不敢辞职

你敢

我于是只好弱弱弱弱的对他说

我是个大脑简单行事鲁莽一意孤行的人呐

原谅我94这样的女生哈哈

困倦但是睡不着

需要时间调整

没事的没事的

没事的没事的

没事的没事的

Life is the dancer,and you are the dance.

Stay hungry

Stay foolish

早有淋雨的冲动

今天终于得以实现

管他什么泡面头

管他什么淑女模样

兴冲冲走在雨里

如果人再稀少些

我会跑起来

凉凉的雨打在胳膊上

哈哈

有种隐隐的轻快

最近在听这首歌

万芳

fly away

转身之前 隐约看见了

你眼眶中的泪水

 
知道我曾经存在在你的心里

 
我想 那就够了

最后一杯咖啡

温暖了手

芬芳了离别

你含泪的双眼

闪闪动人

像一句诺言

云散开了

阳光露脸

心满足了

只遗憾 不埋怨

看遍人来人往

缘起缘灭

不该怕改变

有人斜风细雨

天涯海角

终究能团圆

爱收好了

有缘再见

风扬起了

请放心FLY AWAY

想念了 就从遥远城市寄张明信片

伤心了 打通电话我会给你抚慰

这是一个真实的世界

想要成熟就要接受不完美

趁我还能微笑的时候

请你转身FLY AWAY

你知道你在寻找一种永远

---《未央歌》

雨好大

凉意沁骨

上午睡到八点多

换换衣服去交接

把ATM交掉了

第一次管ATM的时候

哆哆嗦嗦小心翼翼

第二次再管的时候

淡定从容了很多

这就是成长么

临走的时候

低个头

没敢看师父

说了声

师父 我走了

转身就要掉眼泪

阴阴的天

我办完所有手续

出城西行的时候

下雨了

我没有带伞

走在雨里面

我记得我分到所里的时候

也是雨天

我一边走一边哭

也不打伞

心里无比难过

纠结的是被欺骗的受伤害

哭到所里

对大家笑

他们说

你怎么又回来啦

我说

我以后就在这里了

后来走了一波又一波

都以为下一个会是我师父

谁都没想到先走的是我

路上看到岔路口的大黄

没叫她

心里想

叫了又怎么样呢

看到四个字

触目惊心

断笔收心

一年里发生了很多事

本来想写写每个人

像毕业时想写每个人一样

呵呵

算了吧

-----------------雨夜的分割线

大熊同学那边生日夜狂欢在

生日快乐哦宝贝~~