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分类: 巨人的脚步

EMOTIONS

To gain confidence about your ability to handle a negative emotion,remember a time when you felt a similar way:Realize that you’ve successfully handled this emotion before.Do you remember a time when you felt depressed and turned it around?Or were you frustrated or overwhelmed,yet you refocused and felt centered?

Model your own successful actions from the past.What did you do then that worked?Did you change what you were focusing on?Did you ask yourself a better question?Did you interrupt your pattern by changing physiology,going for a walk,returning in a more balanced state?

If you begin to feel this emotion again,use the same strategies you used in the past to turn it around.

要树立自己有能力控制负面情绪的信心,记得就是在遭遇类似境地时,你以前曾成功地控制了这种情绪。还记得你曾沮丧消沉而又雨过天晴的事吗?亦或你曾备受挫折,一蹶不振,而后又重聚精神,东山再起吗?

从过去成功的行动中总结经验吧。那时,你是怎样使事情成功的?改变了对事物的看法?向自己提出了一个更好的问题?还是通过改变自己的心境,出去散步,恢复平衡心态的方法而最终停止了负面的情绪模式?

如果你再次感觉出现这种情绪,就请运用过去曾有效起作用的方法吧。

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分类: 巨人的脚步

EMOTIONS

Getting “curious” about your emotions can be tough when you’re in the beat of the moment.Here are four questions to ask yourself to get on the path to learning from and using your action signals:

1)How do I really want to feel right now?

2)What would I have to believe in order to feel the way I’ve been feeling?

3)What am I willing to do to create a solution and handle this right now?

4)What can I learn from this?

在负面情绪严重时,要对这种情绪保持“好奇心”是很困难的。问自己下面的四个问题,会使你从你的行动信号中汲取教训并有效地利用这些行动信号:

1)我现在究竟要感觉怎样?

2)我需要相信什么才能调整好自己的情绪,找回自我?

3)我现在怎样做能够找到解决之道,控制情绪变化?

4)我能从此事汲取什么教训?

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分类: 巨人的脚步

EMOTIONS

Whether you feel a painful emotion, there are five steps you can take very quickly to learn from and use this action signal:

1)Identify what you’re really feeling.

2)Acknowledge and appreciate your emotions.Know that at some level they are supporting you to make a positive change by calling you to action.

3)Get curious!Realize that this emotion is offering you a message to change something.Do you need to change your perception or your procedures?

4)Get confident that you can handle this emotion immediately because you have done so in the past.Remember a time when you successfully handled this emotion and model what you did to learn what to do today and in the future.

5)Get excited,and take action!

无论什么时候,只要你感觉痛苦,可以立即采取以下几个步骤,以使你从痛苦中吸取教训,并有效地使用这一行动讯号:

1)确认你的真正感受

2)积极看待这种消极情绪。要知道,在一定程度上,它正在发出信号,招呼你行动起来,作出积极的改变。

3)要有好奇心!要明白,这种情绪是提示你做出某些改变。你难道不需要改变一下自己的观念和思维定势吗?

4)要相信自己能够马上控制这种情绪,因为你曾有处理此类情绪的经验。记住你曾成功控制不好的情绪,以及你曾采用的方式方法,以便日后应用。

5)精神振奋,行动起来!

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分类: 巨人的脚步

EMOTIONS

If you ever feel pain in any situation in your life, it’s either the result of the way you’re looking at things-your perception(focus)-or the result of what you’re doing (your current approach, current actions).We might call this your procedures.

If you don’t like the way you’re feeling, either change your focus or perception, or simply change what you’re doing-your procedures-and you’ll find an immediate difference in your emotions. Find new ways to interact with your spouse or communicate with your boss-or change your perception that they must all agree with your point of view.

如果你在生活中感到有痛苦,那么,要么是由于你看待和认识事物的方式所致(观念问题),要么是你做事情的方式的结果。可以说,都是思维定势的原因。

如果你不喜欢你现在的痛苦情绪,其实,只要改变一下认识事物的方式,或者索性放下手中正在做的事,也即改变固有的思维和处事定势,你会发现情绪立即就会大为改观。找出新的方式方法,与配偶交流或与老板进行沟通,亦或改变你的观念和思维定势,不要强求别人同意你的观点。

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分类: 巨人的脚步

EMOTIONS

Understand that all emotions serve you. Those you once thought of as negative emotions are merely calls to action. For example, if you feel frustrated (and we’ll explore this in more detail later) it means that you believe things could be better , and they’re not. This is a call to action telling you there’s something you must do to make this better now. This “negative” emotion is actually a gift if you use it effectively.

From now on, when you think of what you used to call a negative emotion, think of it as a call to action: an “action signal”

要明白,所有的情绪都是为你服务的。你曾视为负面情绪的东西,其实是叫你行动起来。例如,如果你有受挫感(这一问题我们将在后面更详细地探讨),那表明你认为事情本可以更好,至少不应像现在这样。这个行动讯号告诉你,现在你必须采取更好地措施。只要有效地加以利用,“负面”情绪实际上是生活送给你的一件礼物。

从现在开始,当你意识到你曾称作负面情绪的东西出现时,你就把这看做呼唤你行动起来,是“行动讯号”。

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分类: 巨人的脚步

EMOTIONS

What’s the best way to deal with negative emotions? There are several common, ineffective responses. You can ignore your motions ;  of course they don’t go away. You can suppress them, but they just come out in some other way .You can indulge in them and just feel sorry for yourself, but that doesn’t make anything better. You can try to compete by saying, “you think you’ve got it bad? I’ve got it even worse!”

Of course, the more intelligent thing is to transform them by dealing effectively with the situation, looking for solutions, and learning from and using your emotions to enhance your life and the lives of all those you have the privilege to touch.

控制负面情绪有些什么好方法呢?有几种方法很常见,但效果并不怎样。例如,你可以无视负面情绪的存在,当然,它们不会自动消失。你可以压抑它们,可它们会改头换面再出现。你可以因此消沉,感觉对不起自己,但那样亦无济于事,情况不会好转。你甚至可以说,“不好就不好,我搞得更不好。”用破罐子破摔之法去进行抗争。

当然,上面说的都不是办法。要扭转负面情绪,比较聪明得做法是勇于面对,多方寻求解决办法,并从中吸取教训,用你正面得情绪拓展你的人生道路,使你和你家人的生活更加美好和丰富多彩。

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分类: 巨人的脚步

EMOTIONS

You are the source of your emotions. At any moment you can create or change them.

So why don’t we? For most of us, feeling bad is ”natural,” yet we have to have a reason to feel good. But you don’t need an excuse to allow yourself to feel good. You can just decide to feel good right now, simply because you’re alive , simply because you want to. You don’t have to wait for anything or anyone.

你自身是你喜怒哀乐等各种情绪的源头,你随时可以产生或改变你的情绪。

既然如此,我们为什么不去做呢?对于我们大多数人来说,心情不好是“自然的”,然而要使自己心情好则不得不找出理由来。其实,使自己心情好大可不必有什么理由。你现在就可以决定让自己的心情好起来,理由很简单,那就是你还活着,你想要这样。你不必等待任何事情或任何人。

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分类: 巨人的脚步

THE POWER OF TRANSFORMATIONAL

VOCABULARY AND GLOBAL METAPHORS

Sometimes a metaphor is the best way to help someone.

When my son josh was six years old,one of his friends died,and he came home in tears.

“Honey,”I said, “I know how you feel.But that’s because you’re still a caterpillar.”This broke his pattern.I then explained how,when a caterpillar encases itself in its cocoon,it looks as if it is dying. “But what’s really happening?”I asked Josh.

“It’s turning into a butterfly,”he said.

“That’s right,”I said. “It’s the beginning of a whole new life.You don’t see your friend because he’s really just flying above you more beautiful and powerful than ever before.Sometimes we just have to trust that God knows when it’s time for us to become butterflies…”

有时候送一条隐喻是帮助他人的最好方法

我的儿子乔希六岁时,他的一位小朋友死了,他哭着回到家来。

“宝贝,”我说,“我了解你的感受。不过那是因为你还是一条毛毛虫的缘故。”这就打断了他的思维,然后我解释给他听,当一条虫作茧自缚时,看上去它好像死了一样。“但实际发生了什么事呢?”我问乔希。

“它变成了一只蝴蝶。”他说。

“完全正确,”我说,“那是一种全新生命的开始,你看不见你的朋友是因为他正在你的头上飞,而且比以前任何时候都更美丽和更富有活力,有时候我们不得不相信,上帝知道何时我们变成蝴蝶。。。”

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分类: 巨人的脚步

THE POWER OF TRANSFORMATIONAL

VOCABULARY AND GLOBAL METAPHORS

Discover and take control of your metaphors with the following exercise:

1)Write down a few of the metaphors you have for life.Review your list and ask, “If life is like this,how would I feel about it?”What advantages and disadvantages are created by this metaphor?

2)List all the metaphors you link to one or two important areas of your life,such as your relationships or business.Are these metaphors empowering or disempowering?Just being aware of them can help you change them.

3)Create new,more empowering metaphors for life and for each of the areas you focused on.

4)Decide you are going to live with these new metaphors for the next 30 days,e.g.,consistently remind yourself that this is what business is like…

用以下练习来发现和掌握你的各种隐喻

1)写下几条你人生中所用的隐喻。回顾你所列出的内容,问:“人生像这样,我会感到什么样?”这条隐喻所带来的好处和坏处是什么?

2)列出所有与你人生一两个重要领域比如与人际关系有关的隐喻,这些隐喻是积极还是消极的?弄清楚这些能帮助你改变这些隐喻。

3)为你的人生和你关注的每个领域,创造新的更加积极的隐喻。

4)决心在今后的30天里与这些新隐喻共同生存,即不时提醒你自己,事业就像这样。。。

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分类: 巨人的脚步

THE POWER OF TRANSFORMATIONAL

VOCABULARY AND GLOBAL METAPHORS

Often the metaphors we use in one context,such as work,are inappropriate for another context,such as our relationships.One man I knew was so emotionally detached that his family didn’t feel any connection with him at all.He never expressed his true feelings and always seemed to be directing them.Guess what he did for a living-he was an air traffic controller!The very essence of his job was to remain perfectly calm and detached,even in an emergency,so as not to alarm the pilots he was directing.While that attitude was necessary in the control tower,it didn’t work at home.

Do any your metaphors need to be replaced with ones more compatible with your situation?Could you help a friend with this knowledge?

我们在某种领域比如工作时所用的隐喻,在另一个领域比如人际关系中,常常是不适用的,我认识的一个人,在情感上表现得很疏远,以至他的家人觉得跟他一点儿联系都没有。他从不表达他的真实感受,而似乎总在指挥他们。猜猜他是以何职业为生,他是一个空中交通管制员!他从事的工作的要旨就是要保持完全的冷静和不受干扰,哪怕遇到紧急情况,这样就不致于使他引导的飞行员惊慌失措。这种状态在控制塔中是必要的,在家里就不适合了。

你有什么隐喻需要改变,而用更适合你情况的隐喻来替换吗?你能用这种认识去帮助一个朋友吗?

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